This is my first time posting. I don't know how much longer I can take the ups and downs of this roller coaster I've been on for the last 15 yrs. Just when I think things are looking up and I get comfortable again I get slapped in the face. Somebody respond I know I am not the only one with this problem. I think I am crazy. I have 2 15yr olds here but it feels like I have 3. My husband is so annoying when he drinks. He makes me so angry. Why can't he stay away from me when he drinks. arrrrrr!!!!

snodebb · Veteran Member

At my witts end!!!!!

buick23 · Senior Member

(((Debbie)))

Welcome to MIP. You are not alone anymore. Coming here is a great first step and it can only get better.

You are not the only one with that problem and you are not crazy.

When I first found this board it was a lifesaver for me. Finally others could relate to me and that made me feel so much better.

My bf drank for many years and it was too much for me. There is a lot of information on alcoholism on the internet which helped me understand a lot of it.

There are Alanon meetings in most areas. I think it would be a great start to find some and try them out. Those people are going through the same/similar things as you are.

Alanon teaches you to take care of yourself and make your own life better through the 12 steps, f2f meetings, and reading alanon books. There is a lot to learn and it was well worth it for me.

Without Alanon I might be in a crazy house now.

There are meetings here twice a day online and the chat room between meeetings is great too. I go there often.

Glad you found us.

Keep coming back.

buick

Rocky38 · Senior Member

Debbie,

Welcome to MIP. Glad you found us. "At wits end" sounds a lot like admitting you are powerless. "I'm insane" sounds a lot like your life has become unmanageable. Guess what? You're in the right place! Many of us here have bottomed out like you. It was that bottom that led us to seek help for ourselves.

For me, I felt like I was on a plane that was crashing. There were air masks for everyone but me. I don't feel that way anymore. Al-anon really helped me.

Although you hope and pray for change for your husband, the only change you can control is when you change yourself. It's a good idea to do that with the help of a spiritual growth program like alanon so you can change to be the best you can be.

I hope you come back and share more of your experience, consider a face to face meeting to learn more and take good care if yourself.

Hugs, Rocky

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome Snodebb

You are not alone, there is hope and help. Alcoholism is a disease. We did not cause it, cannot control it or cannot cure it. By living with this disease we have developed destructive attitudes that cause us to : withdraw from family, isolate, become depressed, live in denial or pretend. Alanon metings bother here on line 2xs a day or face to face meetings in your community can truly save your life and family. YOu can find alanon meetins byhttp://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html

Meetings, Reading literature, sharing, working steps, focusing on ourself truly changes attitudes

PLease keep coming back

-- Edited by hotrod on Monday 16th of August 2010 09:16:02 PM

snodebb · Veteran Member

Thank you, I have been to meetings before. Went to meetings at Serenity Lane with my husband and by myself. He was in rehab and thats not cheap. I always tell my friends Just because he went to rehab doesnt mean he will stay sober especially if he is not doing it for himself. Everytime he starts drinking again it seems to be worst. I bought the house we live in 35 yrs ago and I wish I never would have refincanced and put his name on it. I have always refused to leave and he won't leave. Can't afford it. But now I don't think it matters, I may have to walk away from everything I've worked so hard to keep. Thanks for listening.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Debbie

I hear you and understand how all your choices look bleak

Alanon suggests that we do not make any major changes in our lives for the first 6 months (unless there is violence). We also recommend that we keep an open mind and keep showing up. The reason for this is that attitudes do change and new options open up when we keep an open mind.

Life is a process so please give it a try.

You, your Family and your home are worth it

Bettina · ~*Service Worker*~

Snodebb,

Welcome. I have to say that was one of my boundaries. That my XAH stay away from me when he was drunk.

I had my own bedroom and bathroom and television and it saved my sanity. I couldnt stand being around him while drunk, which was most of the time, plus he snored like a freight train.

Although it only put off the inevitable, even though he was going to AA, he didnt work a program and it got progressively worse.

Keep taking care of yourself and stay put and connected to your HP.

Luv, Bettina

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Debb you broadcasted the feelings real well and I remember my own and am
glad I also remember getting into the program and sticking to my chair so as not to
miss the wisdom of the fellowship. Lots of the fellowship had experiences that made
me feel I was just missing a dance or two however all of our experiences are real to
us. Two fifteen year olds qualify for Alateen if it's available in your area. Drag them
to one and they will drag themselves to everyone after that. You can learn to step
off of the roller coaster whenever you want...you can learn it and the lessons are in
the rooms and the literature. Keep coming back... (((hugs))) smile

maresie · ~*Service Worker*~

Certainly I've been there. Al anon can be a great place to learn new tools. The issue is most of us come here at our wits end. We need the advanced version right away.

There is an offer of a great book at the top of the page. Please get it. That book alone can be of solace to you.

Welcome.

Maresie.

Simba · Veteran Member

Debb,

It sounds like you were telling my story I have 2 teenagers and was raising 3. You are absolutely right the alcoholic will not get better until they want to. Mine went through rehab and it did not change a thing but make the bank account smaller. All I can tell you is that if you approach al-anon with an open mind it will open your eyes and give you the tools to make good decisions for you and your family. The boys will benefit from al-ateen also. Good luck and keep coming back, you are with friends here. smile

Sweet Stanley · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome to Alanon. I have been married for almost 33 years. He's been through 4 rehabs and I am hoping this is the time he will get it. It is difficult to live with an alcoholic, and I still struggle at times. Alanon has given me tools to use when I am at my wits end. I have been coming here for a while now and the slogans and wisdom found here is starting to become second nature to my thoughts and reactions. You are in the right place and the people here have much wisdom to share. Keep coming back, it works if you work it.

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

Well the good news is your still responsible for 2 of them but you can let your husb go now he's a big boy , *and the beauty of this for me was I didnt have to leave my marriage to do it * its time he faces up to his own actions as long as we continue to enable nothing is going to change - and he needs an audience or better yet an argument so he can justify his drinking ..
Please your children are old enough to stay alone for an hr or two a week find a meeting for yourself , u need support from people who understand exactly how u feel ..and will share thier own experiences with you. there is nothing ucn do about your husb but alot u can do for yourself , thier is also alateen for your teen agers ..

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.