The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was Sitting here today, and really became bothered by something, something that was meant and handed to me out of Kindness "I think", yet when i sit down, and get into it, things within it have just hit a nerve... Like someones sitting on my chest...
Now i know that what I do, is only by "My Choice"... I practice this daily with my boundrys & HP time, however, when I sit and read this material, (Which I'm sure went out to others the SAME Way 100's) its almost like it is Telling me.. YOU WILL... and I automatically tensed up, and felt choked by it...almost like.. To Much Information....
I don't believe I have a fear of Commitment, my life commits me to many things daily, some by choice, some by commitment...however, I do have a fear of someone else telling me when 'I' am ready for something and when 'I' am not... All my life, my Mom's favorite phrase was "What would So n So Think? or How do you think this makes ME Look?"
So Now everytime I "Commit" to something, on my own "Free Will" I respect it and nurture it the best I Can, but when i am TOLD... I am completely turned off by it...
Like MIP, My "Free Will & You All", is what keeps me Coming back, You encourage me, lift me up, yet don't TELL me what I have to do... You listen, share, ESH, and show nothing but hard honesty's, love, compassion, caring, .. All the things that were missing in my ACOA Home.....Yet I often times catch myself questioning "What do they think of me?" Did I Hurt anyones feelings?""Did my words put anyone down, or did they take me wrong?" It is like an alser in my stomach that just will not stop growing... I don't no how to stop it or turn it around
This Program has taught me.. {What you think of me is non of my business}, but it don't stop the constant worry I have at times, sometimes worse then others, but today for some reason, it surfaced again, and I don't plan to run and hide (Like I normally would) but I do feel it is time for me to sit down and think of some boundry's when it comes to this cituation...
I'm scared that my friend will not be happy with my choice, I can not stand the thought of someone being up set with me, but I know its time to hand it over, and trust I know what I'm doing... Then Just Pray, I have the "WISDOM" to know the differance...
Maybe I gave a wrong impression, maybe there was something I did do that provoked/voluteered me for this... but it truly is not what "I" signed up for...at least not yet.. Just hope I have the correct words for what is truly in my heart....
God Grant Me the Serenity....
I have no Doubt this is yet another "Step/Lesson" I am about to indever, and I am willing to learn, but currantly it is heavy on my chest....
Can, but when i am TOLD... I am completely turned off by it...
Yet I often times catch myself questioning "What do they think of me?" Did I Hurt anyones feelings?""Did my words put anyone down, or did they take me wrong?" It is like an alser in my stomach that just will not stop growing... I don't no how to stop it or turn it around
Dear Jozie
I understand completely. I had the same negative voices echoing in my head when I arrived here many MOONs ago. I was told to focus on myself and my inner thoughts. When I found the negative voice naggging about what I said, did not say, how I said it etc I would interrupt the thought immediately with a slogan It did not matter which one but I choose Let GO Le GOd. It took considerble dedication, and work to truly watch my thoughts consantly but then I was not watching others and trying to fix them (that was good) I was using the tools to fix me!!!
Remember we are asked to not indulge in gossip or criticism of others. If we are not to do that to others it holds tru that we must not do it to ourselves!! You are a kind, compassion, independent loving wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend.
You do not like to be told what yOU MUST do That is Healthy!!! You are a grown up!! Discuss the issue with your friend Say what you need but say it with love and focused on yourself
Hi Jozie, I can so relate to your thinking here quite easily, and the progress that comes with being aware of who we are and how we respond and why, learning to know ourselves and doing and saying things that I felt was so so alien to me, my responce these days is a thoughtful responce based on my own feelings, I could never respond before alanon I would react I would even over react, then I would replay over and over what I said and what they said and think,and what I thought they thought, of me, jeez what insanity, how could I possibly know, but I didn't know then I didn't know,((((( sigh))))),
having faith in ones own ability, you have it, your questioning it and that is growth,
I was Sitting here today, and really became bothered by something, something that was meant and handed to me out of Kindness "I think", yet when i sit down, and get into it, things within it have just hit a nerve... Like someones sitting on my chest...
. I was told to focus on myself and my inner thoughts. When I found the negative voice naggging about what I said, did not say, how I said it etc I would interrupt the thought immediately with a slogan It did not matter which one but I choose Let GO Le GOd. It took considerble dedication, and work to truly watch my thoughts consantly but then I was not watching others and trying to fix them (that was good) I was using the tools to fix me!!!