The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi , I'm broweyes I used to come here a lot. Thank you John for inviting me back. This past year has been filled with trouble and heartache. I started having panic attacks right before my husband was to get out of jail once again. I have been on all kinds of medication and it seems to have been working. But I quit my long-term job because I could not return with the uncrtainty and anxiety and depression I was feeling. So I am now on disability and am home with my two children. I go for long periods when I feel ok and i want to return to working. But then I start feeling bad again. The anxiety is crippling and I don't want to do anything. Funny thing is, my ex is the one to take care of things when this happens(he doesn't live with us). I can't seem to find comfort anywhere and I'm lonely and can't wait until bedtime so I can forget it all. Therapy costs money. I feel so guilty about going from this highly functioning person to this mess I am today. I do not like the person I have become but I don't think I liked myself before either. I started going to Al-anon again but have stopped again. Sometimes I read my AlAnon books and seem to feel a little better. I know I need to start going to Al-Anon again.....Does anyone else out there have problems like mine?
Hi Broweyes: When things are going bad there seems to be no way to get away from it. Try to reach God, He will help you. Then start going to group therapy with al anon. You know it will help you. I just read this "If your busy "hugging the past you cant embrace the future". Try to look at good things that happen to you, maybe a bird singing, a kiss from your children, their smiles and laughter. Keep away bad thougts, move into another part of your house and bring into your mind something nice. Please seek help now.
Welcome!!! Yes, I struggle with this also. Depression runs in my family and I have fought it for years. I have been in Alanon for about 5 1/2 yrs. Somedays I can fight it and feel like I accomplish something. Other days I just give it to in and like you, wait for bedtime. Sounds pathetic and makes me angry at myself. However, I do make an effort to do better each day and try to forgive myself. Staying with the principles of Alanon and God is the key to my not giving up. The abyss is waiting there and I have come too far give up now!! Please stay with the principles of Alanon and go to meetings ....come here often. The encouragement helps!
I know I should start going back to Al-Anon again ?? seems to me you answered your own question. thats where your support is and the answer to your lonliness . we have a choice stay stuck or reach out and up . Louise
I can relate very much. I can also understand that some of us need other help besides the meetings. Some people need therapy and medication as a way to help them through depression.
I am so glad you have come back here.
I know the chat room here helped me a great deal when I felt such despair and loneliness.
Alcoholism severely affected my life for a lot of years. There is nothing wrong with asking for help and for people to hear you. We are here and willing and open.
Hang in there. I do know what it is like to feel like a failure after being a high functioning person. Like you, it seems, I was functioning at a high level in some ways, but maybe I wasn't underneath it all. I have "crashed and burned" after a big decision and a very draining year and it's taken me almost three years (I still can't believe it) to really get on my feet again...and I'm not entirely there yet either...
But I did have to go back on medication and I did have to go back to therapy, even if I didn't want to. It's just that some things take a long time to deal with and sometimes I have had to revisit them. I have had to go back into the past, with help, to deal with some things, before I could really move forward.
But I do like what someone wrote in a Forum Magazine a long time ago about how she used to live her life in self-pity and anxiety but now she lives it more from the perspective of gratitude. I'm really working on doing that... I certainly don't do it all of the time, by any means, but I'm working on it some.
May you feel more connected to your Higher Power so that you feel better. That's another thing I try to do.... I still have a lot of fear and anxiety but I'm really wanting to be in better touch with my Higher Power. :)
I bet that your kids are happy to have you around more. How can that be a failure?
Thank you to all of you-each one of you helped me in some way. My kids are going back to school, so I will have more time to focus on my Higher Power and Al-Anon. I read this awesome article by Rick Warren this am and it was about procrastination and how to do things "now" and not be afraid because God is right along side me. It was very powerful becuse I go through a lot of anxiety but if I try harder to push through and do the things necessary, I will feel better about myself and my situation!
