The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
this last dry period has been the third time in our 25 year marriage, this being the longest time without active alcohol use.
But now he's buying NA beer and I know the next step will be "I can handle it now" when he buys the real stuff. BTDT. I told him this last time that he quit that I would not live with an active alcoholic anylonger. He put down his beer right then and there in 2007 and hadn't drank until now.
I suppose I've come to terms now, I know it will be the end of us this time. The sadness tho is eating me up.
Thanks for your post. This is a cunning and baffling disease. I am sorry for your husbands set back. I hope for you that you get yourself to alanon meetings and get help for yourself wether your husband is drinking or not. Believe it or not we are sometimes just as sick as the alcholic/addict in our life and alanon will help you get your life back. I wish you all the best Blessings
I agree with "Xeno" Find yourself an Face to face meeting, Post here, and even if you can join the meeting on the board here, you have been living with an alcohlic for 25yrs wether he is a Drunk or a Dry Drunk he still carry's the Disease within, and YES... that disease, wether you drink or not, has Def. Effected your life, and life choices...
This Program will give you an amazing power in learning how to love yourself, which then allows us to truly love others... I found this program when I lost my Afather to this very disease, 2 short years ago... I thought at 1st why go... He's Dead.... But In reality, he is very much alive, and has effected my life so that I now have found my own road to freedom, one that he cold not give me...
Before making any life altering decissions , please try our program for a few months. this is a disease and it just lies in wait for a weak moment and wham before you know it were up to our necks in hell again . You do not have to go on this emotional journey with him Al-Anon will show u how to detach with love while u get your life back on track . this board is great but by not attending f2f meetings you miss so much of what this program has to offter . your worth the effort . Please do this for yourself.
Aloha Lioness and welcome to the MIP Board also. I call buying NA beer "flirting". LOL Cause for me it is. I remember sitting in two cars with some of my high school buddies drinking "near beer" when it first came out and all of us agreeing at the very same time that "this isn't it". It's about the alcohol and always has been. Any honest drunk will say that openly.
If you take the suggestion of getting to open Al-Anon meetings one of the things you will learn is how to live in the moment and not try to project into the painful future. Those of us who claim membership enjoy living in the now along with not carrying the alcoholic's responsibilities for their choices. So he might be "flirting" with his next drunk; you don't have to let that take you into a future divorce today. All you have is now.
I took the other suggestions you got here from others seriously and when I finally got in to the program I stayed. For that decision I have a life I won't surrender for anything or to anyone. You have the same hope if you follow the same suggestions and work it like we have. You'll also find a whole ton of other things to do for yourself as you take the focus off of whether he's drinking or not or what he's drinking or not.
I am so glad you are here and relating to others who totally understand where you are coming from . The disease is cunning baffling and powerful. For a long long time it had a hold on me. I am aware of how devastating it is to watch someone go down that path. Detaching was very very very hard for me. The more I do the better I get at it. Needless to say like most of us I came here with so many problems I had no idea where and how to start.
Every day I tried to work a program, focus on me, take suggesitons and despite my reluctance the program grew on me.
:)
