The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have just realized I have been an alcoholic for 25 years. I have had monumental realizations in just the past few weeks about this about my thinking and behavior due to my alocholism. I'm going to get counseling and work through the 12 step program. I'm wondering if there is anyone out there who has had a spouse or parent who turned their alcoholism around and they were able to have healthy, productive relationships. I'm accepting of my problem and everything that goes with it. I'm wondering if I can possibly repair myself to the point of giving my family what they deserve. I am a good person and they are wonderful people. Please help.
Hello and welcome , yes its possible to regain the trust of your family by sincerly working AA program and changing attitudes. Perhaps u can direct your wife to this site as we are the family members of alcoholics. . We have 20 yr sobriety in our home and alot of changes all positive , neither program will promise to repair your relationship no guarantees but they do promise to return some sanity to both of your lives . We don't work our way thru these steps we try to live them on a daily basis ,recovery is never done . I wish you and your family well but also suggest u post on AA board you will find the help u need there. If I have learned nothing in the last 20 yrs I have learned that I cannot help an alcoholic all family members can do is support .. Sobriety is not easy for anyone this is life changing- trust takes time and alot of acceptance on both parts. good luck I wish u well .
I'm glad you have hope. It is said that relationships have the best chances when both people work their perspective programs. I do wish you all the best.
Thank you. The reason I am posting on these boards is because I am concerned for my family. I want to hear from the perspective of those with alcoholics in the family not from alcoholics. Today I find myself basically struggling with "are they better off without me". I want to know if others have seen people in their lives become good fathers and lovers despite their alcoholism. I have a very deep love for my girls and would let them go if they can have better lives without me.
There was a period of time of great confusion, fear, and anger. A lot of 'well-meaning' people were abundant with 'advice'. Many felt our daughter and I would be better off without him. I fought that feeling, but I also didn't have alanon.
No one knows God's plan and how it will manifest. That said, I am convinced that you and your family have the best opportunity when each works their own program.
It seems you don't feel valued at this moment, but your feelings of value will likely strengthen with your program.
I did find forgiveness. Also, alanon is teaching me better ways to handle myself. One thing alanon has taught me is that I do not have to feel pressured to make important decisions today; I can wait until I am are ready. However, this is after we divorced, and he is now remarried. He is now contacting our daughter to establish a relationship.
Hope comes to us differently, but I believe that all things may be possible with hope.
As long as there is life, there is hope.... They are NOT better off without you.... they are better off with you as a sober, recovered man.... There are thousands of miracles out there, and there is absolutely no reason in the world that you can't be one more....
Take care of you, and choose recovery for you
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I agree 1000% with Tom. Your family needs a sober parent. My husband recovered in AA . He regained the love of his son, his wife and remained a great father, husband and provider up until he passed away SOBER.
Your family will find comfort here in alanon and you can find the support you need to rebuild your life and self esteem in AA. Both AA and Alanon suggest that there be no major changes in your life for the first 6 months to a year. This is because recovery is a process for everyone
Please reach out to AA you are so worth it!!! They will give you many examples of in-tact families that are recovering from this disease.
-- Edited by hotrod on Sunday 15th of August 2010 06:37:11 PM
Nope - they aren't better off without you! My AH has about seventeen months of sobriety. I've seen him change from a very sick, very sad individual into a useful, productive, and very grateful person that gives a lot back. There is certainly hope if you want recovery.
Thank you everyone. I feel like my life has fell apart in the last six months but for my wife it's been a lot longer. I appreciate the input I'm going to go about doing the work and see what happens I guess.
