The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Thanks. I've never posted on a forum before so this is all new to me.
I wrote this poem earlier about my mum. She passed away 3 months ago after fighting alcoholism for many years. I'm still trying to come to terms with it and am struggling to be honest. My family seem to be moving on but I'm finding it difficult and don't feel like I can talk to them about it.
hello hanna , well your not alone anymore . Please find an Al-Anon meeting for yourself your life has been affected by someone elses drinking and you too have to recover . Mom is gone and I am sorry for your loss , grieving takes time and as for family members moving on i would bet thier not they just stuff it and keep on truckin . This disease has destroyed so many lives get help now so that it dosent ruin yours too .. You will find the support u need in our rooms f2f u need people who understand and who have been where your at right now. Good luck and take care of you. Louise
Aloha again Hanna...good stick with us cause there will be alot more coming later that you can use in your desire to understand and come into balance with it. Loosing a mother to alcoholism for me could never come with an "oh well" attitude or response. The woman that gave you breath...the instrument of God and more!! It's okay to take your time with this and not try it all alone. Abbyal suggested what the majority of us have done and do....Al-Anon Family Group meetings which are world wide and in London. Look for the hotline number in your phone book and call for meeting places and times and literature and all that we enjoy which have brought us also from that place to pain to understanding and acceptance. I'm glad you are here. Keep coming back. (((hugs)))
Al-Anon is for people who have been effected by someone else's drinking. That's the reason we all are here. Your life has been effected. In the rooms of Al-Anon you will find the help you need as you deal with the problems, and difficulties you have been struggling with.
We recommend the Face 2 face meetings because that is what worked for us. There you will meet other members who will understand a perhaps no one else can. Members who are walking in your shoes, or who have walked in your shoes. You will find a new family there, just as you have found a new family here at MIP.......The feeling of not being alone.......priceless !!!
Thank you for sharing your poem. There is so much of it that I, and I sure my 18 year old son, can relate to after the recent loss of my husband, his father.
I felt so guilty that my husband died alone, that I was not present to get him help or give him comfort in his last hours. I understand now that he has been taken to rest, and is finally at peace. Beyond the grip of the horrid disease alcoholism. As time has passed, I've been able to put some of the sadder memories away, and I can remember better the love we shared. My son has been able to do the same. There is a brighter day and you are not alone.
Thank you all for your kind support. I think I will try to attend a meeting. I'm a little bit nervous about it though as I'm not used to speaking about my mum openly. When I was younger I was never allowed to tell my friends or anyone at school about my mum's drinking and it's only recently I've opened up to my friends a bit more.
Rocky, my mum also died alone which really upsets me as I feel I should have done more to support her. I should have been there with her. I left home when I was 18 to go to university and always felt to guilty for leaving her when I knew she needed me.
I'm sure I'll come to terms with this eventually. I think it will just take some time.
I understand your feelings of guilt. In alanon, I learned that my own feelings of guilt were grounded in my desire to help my husband, and also out of the very human desire to get them a different outcome. To control. The word control seems strange in this context, because it is part of what we want to do to love the alcoholic in our lives. I had been learning that we didn't cause it, we can't cure it, and we can't control it. Yet when the person dies, or it seems imminent, I had more than one occassion where I wanted to see if I could do a better job than my husband's HP. I could not.
I think it would be great if you did get to some meetings. The disease of alcoholism is very isolating, and I think your Mum, your real Mum who was under the alcoholism, would also want you to get healthy and strong yourself. You deserve it. Please pm me anytime if you want to talk.
