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Just need to vent about AH who has had a recent hospital admission for nearly 3 weeks with severe weight loss, dehydration, vomiting and diaorrhea. Forcibly kept away from his brandy he improved considerably. He has been home for nearly 4 weeks now and has been a lot better. He has been eating, which he wasn't prior to hospital admission and seemed much better mentally - much calmer and more amenable. However, I have my suspicions about the drink. A while back £10 ($15.69) went missing from my learning-disabled son's wallet . And I have smelled drink on his breath on more than one occasion. Not sure where he is getting money from as I have confiscated his debit and credit cards, but since when has that stopped the hardened addict?
Oh - I am so fed up. Only today I was telling a friend that things were getting better; more on an even keel and now this. I know - I could write the script myself but that doesn't help, really.
I feel your pain. 26 years with the XAH has taught me that for some A's , death is their bottom. It doesnt mean to give up the hope that somehow there will be a total awakening, Its always a possibility, but we must also accept the serenity of knowing that this disease kills.
I dont know if you have read any of my posts, but the XAH has come close to death many times. I thought the heart attack was his bottom. I thought falling on his head on the cement and almost bleeding to death was a bottom. I thought the felony dui was a bottom. Surely loosing his job was another bottom.
For us logical non drinking people, it seems inevitable that they would surely stop now. The alcoholic seems to want to defy all the odds. Now the XAH, just two months ago came close to death again when he ruptured his esophagus and had bleeding ulcers, had 10 blood transfusions, where he almost didnt make it. The Dr. told him, you cannot have another drink or you will die. So far, after 40 years of drinking, he is sober. I hope he will stay that way, for his sake. He said he wants to live. We will see how badly.
Tatty, I see your a senior member, so I dont have to tell you to just take care of yourself and work on acceptance. That was difficult for me. Because I love life and want to live and I dont have this terrible disease of addiction. I want everyone to feel that way . I have a hard time understanding people, especially the ones I care about wanting to destroy themselves. I have a win or lose philosophy. I want to see everyone win. Stay with your HP Tatty.
I know and am so sorry for your painful disappointments
If you reflect on the past month , things are better, he is eating,and healthier.
I know it is so hard to face the complete realty of this disease but if he is not in a program he will have very little chance of stopping. Even those in AA falter.
I had to let go of any expectations that the drinking would stop and then live in the moment in the day with my program
PLease do this ODAT, remember this is his disease and you have a wonderful supportive community to help you treat your disease.
((((Tatty)))) I remember those thoughts and feelings until I finally found reality. "How is it that I feel like rubbish because of another persons behavior?" I changed my choices of feelings and perceptions. You are not rubbish. Don't dress up in rubbish bags. Children of God are not rubbish. ((((hugs))))
Hi Tish....heres a ((((((hug))))))...... Im sorry youre feeling rubbish.
Expectations and disappointments, nasty buggers.....Ive let go of the first one so if the second one happens it doesn't consume me.
Its painful to watch someone hell bent on feeding their disease regardless of the suffering it brings them, its truly baffling.
Always remember the 3Cs.
I stopped controlling my Asons money, made my life a lot easier and he learned how to budget initally, then beg and ultimately steal. If they want to drink they will always find a way no matter what we try to do to control it......wasted energy which is better put to our own recovery.
You might be feeling rubbish but you know youre not rubbish..... RIGHT?
They have a disease using is their passion. It would be like someone making me not be able to have animals. I would eventually catch a mouse or something. It is MY passion.
They have to fight their compulsion to use infinitely. Sometimes it isn't as strong, sometimes they will do anything to get it. That fix.
Now I am NOT a chocolate person. But sometimes....
For them is it asking too much. That is what makes it have to be totally them to be able to go into recovery for awhile, or hopefully a LONNNNNG while.
It is not a fault, does no reflect on you or him as a fault.If it does it is only becuz those that think that are ignorant to the disease.
So I invite you to just be you. Make you the best and happiest you can be. His thing is his.
Give him the money etc back. It si up to him to take care of him. He still has his integrity.
And you have a great canvas/you to work on. love,deb
oh i know that feeling all too well,a big((((((hug))))) my AH too ,has just come out of hospital 3 weeks ago,he has a ulcer,hitus hernia on the esophogus,plus a slow bleed in the stomach,and has been warned not drink again. i feel a huge burden has been lifted,its his choice now,wether he kills him self or not. its not my job any more to argue,scream,beg him to stop drinking. he knows what he has to do,my light bulb has just gone on. is this his bottom,who knows. love to you all.xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Yours in support and recovery. If he has money, holding onto his cards to access it says you are trying to keep control. I know because I've done it too. I then discovered cheques taken from every other page of his cheque book. He found a way to get it. I realized that there were as many ways for him to get cash as there were for him to hide liquor, as there were for me to pretend I was in control
