The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well, the ups and downs of his moods, I don't know his true feelings at all and I blame it on the "disease". I'm supportive of his healing......but I also have to be supportive of myself and my children.
Last night after seven months, he finally admitted to me he was using drugs again. So I was releived to find out that I wasn't crazy after all as I didn't have tangible proof. I told him I was going to have to go to the Attorney General though as he has not been relasing any income out and the kids need school supplies, school clothes, immunizations, food, gas money and the car payment for transportation etc. We ARE separated and have been for a little over a month. + I'm in school fulltime.
Well I went this morning, submitted an application, and he was FURIOUS when he found out......I'm not sure how it is here in Texas but according to him, it's the begginning of a divorce. All I see is my children getting what they need instead of the income going to the drugs.
What I don't understand is how selfish his outlook on this is, and I'm hoping it's only the disease speaking. As much as I want to be compassionate towards him, at the same time I want to say "See you later *$$#0^e! I'm still trying to keep our family together but when his attitude comes out this way, it's not easy to stay motivated.
I've kept myself from profanites though because I want to learn how to respect my kid's dad and the man I love (or used to) no matter what. I don't know my exact feelings right now but I'm not going to dwell on it either.....I'm just doing what I need to do right now........Sure, there are women that try to take advantage through child support, but then again, I cannot see why a man would be as selfish to not provide for his child regardless, even if he says he loves and misses them greatly.........
I'm handing all of these problems over to God right now for I'm definitley not in control= Knowing that alone gives me peace.....thank you.
Doing the next right thing for yourself and your children, and then handing it over to your HP. HP was always been walking beside you.......now HP is holding your hand and leading the way.
Your children should never have to suffer the consequences of his disease, period.
Good programing Rose...Lets see...feelings how about angry, confused, mistrusting, shocked, compassionate, empathetic and caring? Anymore. That's really good recovery!! Understanding the disease? The father and husband would be more caring about his children and their welfare including the welfare of his spouse and the addict would not. Knowing who I was dealing with at anyone time was a very good lesson for me. I was more in balance when I responded to my wife when she was being my wife and my alcoholic/addict when the alcoholic and addict was present. I'm glad I finally got that because a ton of confusion and insanity went by the wayside. You're getting it!! Stay with the program. ((((hugs))))
