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Hi, just thought I'd come and share, just looking for some connection I think.
My addict boyfriend is in the middle of a very long string of constant relapses (maybe 1-2 days sober in between each), and I'm starting to feel very lonely. There are pockets of honesty in between the relapses, where I feel like I briefly have the man I know and love back, but he's started stealing and lying again and it's really getting to me this time.
I recently started working full time, and I'm a student too so I don't have very much time for my friends. I go to a really nice sunday morning meditation al-anon meeting every week, but I'm not impressed by the meetings that I can get to during the week after work, though I may try one today.
I try to pray (it doesn't come naturally), and I read the literature, but today has been really hard. My mind keeps going back and dwelling on the fact that I don't have the lover or the friend in my boyfriend that I wish I did right now.
Any comments/responses/esh would be so helpful! -Ellie
Active alcoholism and addiction does that. It disturbs everything and pretty well took over my life too. In the beginning I had to work the hardest to "get" what the program was offering and use it instead of what I had been practicing or what I call "my" program, which didn't work. Go to the meetings with a completely open mind and non-judgemental attitude. Listen to all of what is offered and then practice taking what you liked for the moment and leaving the rest until later. The "rest" will come back again for sure as you need it cause your HP will give you what you need and leave your wants for later. Struggling is a choice until you learn how to "Let go and Let God". Keep coming back. (((((hugs)))))
I find that even "not so great' meetings have something to offer me if I listen hard. You are in a tough situation, and while this advice sounds trite....you have to take care of you....I suspect you are not doing that right now. Maybe more time with friends and meetings and less with the boyfriend may be helpful. You also have ask yourself where is your line of tolerance: ie: what will it take for him to cross a line that causes you to make some hard decisions about the relationship. But you can't do much while you are stressed out. Gaining some kind of serenity for yourself is the thing that will help you see things clearly and make good decisions for yourself.
Glad you found us here, we can relate. This disease robs us of the people we know and love, they become unrecognizable over time and so do we. We have meetings in our chat room and 24/7 chat at other times, they are good and I get a lot out of them bc I feel more free to be brutally honest online. Do what works for you.
I am reminded of a very wise member here that says, 'u cant expect ur man to listen like ur girlfirend can' -- this is the appropriate place to vent, share and cathart. We know what living with active addiction/alcoholism is like.
Practise focusing on you and not what he is or is not doing. Each day, ask yourself what you can do to feel better about your situation and take those steps. For a long time, all I could do was come and read bc I was not yet at the willing to do anything stage. I too used to dwell on what I was not happy about and what i was concerend about. All that ever did was feed my negativity and bad feelings. What we focus on grows. Please focus on what will allow you to feel better and what you can do, to improve your situation, even if it is briefly. Our feelings pass too. Sometimes just one new acitivity can be what it takes to get you motivated in your life, try something new and different.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Meetings are different at different times , depending on the members. Its so difficult to stay positive when living with an A, it makes living such a task and there are days thatour acceptance with things that are happening is a strain.
Unfortunately when we chose to be with a alcoholic we must face the reality of the disease. When our focus gets on the A, there is so much to be unhappy about. Lets face it we can find things to be unhappy about even if we are not involved with an alcoholic. Its so easy to blame them for our unhappiness.
Keep on with Alanon, it gets better. The success of the meetings depend upon us and our attitudes and what we can bring.
I think we can all relate to your feeling of wanting our loved one back to the person they were before this disease consumed them. You have at leat found one meeting that you like which is great.... Please feel free to join us for our online meetings that are absolutly amazing. You will find people who are standing or have stood in yours shoes, and thier ESH ( expereince, strenght, hope) will be invaluble to you. Blessings in your recovery
