The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The feeling I am getting reading the messages on this board is that once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic -- that no matter how long an alcoholic has been in recovery, by and by s/he going to slip up and destroy their life and the lives of every one else around them.
So, is the answer to stay far away from any one fighting with this disease, no matter what your heart tells you? Is it foolish to hope and expect change -- or think that your situation is different? Is it EVER different? Is there EVER an exception that proves the rule?
Hi Sara :) once an alcholic always an alcholic yes. If they are in recovery working their program personally I think thats the only way they can stay sober. There are no guarantees. "Hoping" a person into recovery is sorta like thinking you can "love" them into recovery. It just doesnt work that way. Focus on what you need and want. Glad you found us, and please keep coming back...thank you again for your post :) blessings
Welcome. The answer to your question is: If there is breath there IS hope. Look in the rooms of an AA meeting in progress and you will see all types of people fighting to beat this disease. Do they all make it? No. No life threatening disease has a 100% cure ratio. But there is hope, in my AH's meeting there are members there that have 20 - 30 years of sobriety. My AH has struggled with this for many years. Does he struggle? Yes. Do I struggle? Yes. But I guess I just haven't given up hope yet. I love this man when sober. We have been married almost 33 years and he was my true love. He is the other half of my whole. I have separated from him once, but returned. I'm still fighting for this marriage. So is he. You need to listen to your heart, attend f2f meetings and listen, listen, listen. Make no decisions until you learn more about the disease. Alanon can teach you alot. The people here will give you alot of ES&H. It works if you work it. Take what you like and leave the rest. Peace to you and yours.
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Expect them to change and you may have a long wait. Expect change in yourself, and the magic begins :)
..and yes, they can change if they want it bad enough. As I'm sure you've heard said, hitting bottom seems to be what has to happen first. I had my part in not allowing that to happen. When I stepped back and let HP at him, he took over. My husband is over 5 yrs sober.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Yes, there is hope. Hope is what keeps us striving to keep trying, no matter what. Certainly, there are many alcoholics and codependents who remain stuck in their disease. But there are also many who find recovery and keep hold of it, and achieve great serenity in their lives. The difference is whether they are committed to their own recovery. There is hope for you, there is hope for the alcoholic in your life. But, to work your program to realize hope for the alcoholic, is, in my humble opinion, a motivation that is unlikely to achieve the intended results. To work a program for you, that is another matter.
I agree with the once an alcoholic always an alcoholic statement.
But it's certainly not hopeless!! I think the key for me is to accept things the way they are - not the way I dream they could be, but exactly the way they are. When I accept that the disease of alcoholism has impacted my family and my life, I can find ways to work with what I have.
The worst day I have had in recovery is better than the best day I had without it. My own recovery has changed my life already. I have a list of goals I would like to accomplish for myself (including practicing patience, becoming better at setting boundaries and saying no, and voicing an opinion when I have one). I am VERY hopeful that I will accomplish these things, and very excited to continue my journey. It has been incredible.
While I do hope that my husband will stay sober because if he drinks it means he is sick, I can't focus my hope on his recovery. To do so, I believe, would put me in exactly the same position I was in when I got here - which was living and dying by someone else's actions.
Have faith, Sara! Have hope and don't give up!! The miracles keep coming for me, and they can for you also.
There is always hope especially for us , we too need to recover from the effects of someone elses drinking ..and yes once an alcoholic always an alcoholic one drink away from hell , but if the alcoholic is serious about his or her sobriety life can be good . We have 20 yrs sobriety in our home today thanks to both of our programs , so many positive changes in our lives . Stay with our program and regardless of what they do u will be okay ,this is a great way to live .. Keep the focus on yourself where it belongs and u will be fine . will it be perfect ? no life throws us curves occasionally but with help from the program and the friends u will meet nothing is impossible . If your not already attending Al-Anon meetings please do so for you , your worth the effort.
Aloha Sara...One thing I was taught in the program was that two people cannot stand in the same place at the same time meaning that each of us have our own wills and wishes. If I am willing and wishing with an alcoholic is willing and wishing I have to accept that most all of the time what they are willing and wishing is the next drink while I'm somewhere else. The priority with an active alcoholic is alcohol so I had to put my life on hold for her to reach the same place and time I was at...She never got there ever. Then I realized that none of my relationships ever were where I was at exactly place and time. I had to learn how to let them be where they chose to be at the times they chose it and to do the same thing myself. I gave up ownership of my alcoholic wife and moved on with a different attitude and awareness. Is it foolish to hope? I think not. What might be foolish is what I hope for and how. ((((hugs))))
Hello, I'm brand new to this. I just read your reply, and an answer really jumped out at me. You said you gave up ownership of your alcoholic wife, what exactly do you mean by ownership. Please bear with me. I'm just learning and will have alot of questions. Mar
I am so sorry you are hurting and feeling so very low. I do not think I could live one day without HOPE but I also cannot use my definition to distort the painful realities of this world.
Alcoholism is a progressive disease, that I cannot control or cure. It can be arrested but not cured. As with all disease that are not cured the patient often suffers some relapses. This is the reality of the disease I cannot hope that out of existence.
Before alanon my definition of Hope was " that .I would be different and defy all the limits and odds that defeated others. I would be perfect and not quite HUMAN.
MY Hope was based on a distorted belief in my ability to achieve a "Fantasy" and not based in reality.
Alanon gave me tools that enabled me to accept reality and restore my ability to live life on life's terms with Hope and trust in myself, HP and others
This gift was beyond my highest Hope when I walked in the doors of alanon.
To answer your question, please join us find meetings in your area, and you will find a New Hope for Today
-- Edited by hotrod on Monday 9th of August 2010 09:31:04 AM
-- Edited by hotrod on Monday 9th of August 2010 09:32:27 AM
Yes once an alcholic/addict always and alcholic/addict But there is always hope. Those that find and work recovery get back to the amazing people they once were. But they have to want it, want it more than anything else. Many people here can tell you success story after success story... and thats what gives us hope for our own loved ones. There are millions of miracles out there just waiting to be claimed not only for the alcholic but for us too. We just need to reach out a grab it. I hope you keep coming back and reading the posts, I think you will find much hope Blessings
do you have a copy of the free book offered at the top of the page. Getting them Sober is a real resource for re-evaluating expectations. If you go to any open AA meeting you can see and hear plenty of alcoholics who have opted for recovery. Some of them have many years of working a program.
Personally I had to find hope for myself as I was absolutely enmeshed with the now ex A. I had no life left and I had to work on getting one back. The hope issue had to switch from trying to keep him alive, housed and well to making me alive, housed and well.
