The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well the time has finally come. Tomorrow I start a new position at work. After 11 years with the company and 9 in this department, I decided to leave it. Thanks to this program I found the courage to do it.
Now as a Taurus I HATE change. I like my own comfy world, in a certain order on a certain schedule. Some might call that being a control freak. Perhaps so. I think it's one of those codependent things myself. It's that part of me that kept me there even when Tim had suggested years ago that I was frustrated and was growing stale in it.
Why now? Because how many times have I said over and over again that recovery is about taking back your life and living the life you so richly deserve? I need to start practicing what I preach. I made myself a promise earlier this year that if I got through Tim and the robbery as well as other things, I would take more risks and not settle anymore. Well I'm surving the loss of my beloved Tim and I made it through the robbery & the aftermath.
Several months ago the department just kept getting worse and worse. I felt like I was butting my head against the wall. I was coming home with really bad headaches. I wanted out! But there's that codependent in me that says you can make things better. I tried changing my attitude and working w/my tool box. Some days good. Some days really bad.
I talked to my manager and told her of my frustrations. She's young & still has lots to learn. She thought that maybe I take things too seriously. I probably do. But when I am coming home feeling defeated b/c I couldn't get done what needs to get done b/c we don't have the help, what's the point? Working retail is not easy. I am old school customer service oriented. I have built my reputation on it. My customers expect no less from me. So I said I would try again. I did. Same old same old.
Then something hit me: Step 1. I am powerless over it. I don't control the hours. Neither does she. So if things aren't going to change in that department I have 2 choices: 1) work with it and continue to be miserable 2) change departments
My new manager has wanted me in his department for a very long time. However I feel a sense of loyalty to my customers & colleagues. I can work with them. I can change things. How much more headbanging before I was able to find the courage to say yes to him? Well after 1 more extremely bad day I had enough. I was ready to walk out the door. Instead I went up to him and said "Yes, I will come work with you." I actually said it. I was floored and so was he. We decided that I would start after my vacation.
Funny thing is when I told him I would join him, it reminded me exactly of the time when I told Tim to leave. He had been drinking way too much and was indangering the apartment building. (He tried making microwave popcorn in the toaster oven & left it on!) I was calm when I told Tim to leave. I was calm when I said yes to this new position. I wasn't scared. I just did it. I found both decisions while hard, liberating and empowering.
Like Christy said, at some point we have to stop playing the "poor me" song. Poor Karilynn is miserable. How many times was I going to say that? How many times was I going to say Poor Karilynn Tim is drinking and she's miserable? How many times can I wallow in self pity w/o making the changes to get better?
Taking back your life is what recovery is all about. It's about doing what is right for you and your family. I have told some of my customers that I am leaving. They are upset. People in the department are upset. But I can't live my life for them. I have to live my life for me (and Pipers too). I owe this to myself (and Pipers). Yes I will always be a codependent when it comes to the cat! I am I admit a bit nervous about the new position. I have tons to learn. I am not afraid. I am excited. For the first time in many, many months I look forward to going back to work tomorrow.
People ask me why I stay with this program even though my beloved Tim is gone? This is why. Alanon teaches life skills that you can take any where. It is a life saver in so many ways. Thanks for listening. Please send a few positive thoughts my way this week. I'll need them. Much love and blessings to you and your families.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
This is a great example of applying the program in all our affairs. It took you some time to work the steps on this, however I find when I take my time it's time well spent if it gives me a chance to hear HP's will for me in the situation. It's so empowering when it's clear that HP's will is at work.
I'm glad you made the decision for change. It's never easy, We're creatures of habit by nature. Moving 800 miles from everything I knew was a huge leap of faith for me. Sometimes ya just gotta jump!!..or it never happens. I'm sure you'll do fine in your new position and you'll develop new costumers that love you too . How can they help it?
Love ya, Christy
-- Edited by Christy on Sunday 8th of August 2010 04:00:06 PM
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
"Run it thru the filter of the Serenity Prayer" my elder sponsor use to teach and I can hear his voice as I read you post. Now trust, faith, and work with the tools.
Why do I stay in the program? Because this is where the solutions are. Stay in the day sis...you do know how this works. Good luck (((((hugs)))))
Way to go Karilynn!! Great way to work the program. We are very glad that you are still here. Hope all goes well in the new department and that you are happy in your choice for change. Change is difficult, but can be so rewarding!! Good luck to you!!
I am so proud of you....you have come a long way girlfriend. Sometimes it is easy to just stay....how wonderful it is to move forward. Yes you may have a lot to learn but guess what i know what a smart lady you are.
Moving Forward what a wanderful feeling!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm sending you lots of positive thoughts. I am very happy for you to make that change. You sound very happy and excited about it.
I'm also a codependent when it comes to my cat and so is he but we like it that way.
Every time I get on my computer he comes running and jumps on the computer desk and gives me nose kisses and lets me know he is always there for me. I don't mind sharing my computer desk as long as I can get to my keyboard and mouse.
I have also been thinking about changing jobs. I am not very happy with what I'm doing now.
It is easy to get comfortable with what we've always done but when that makes us unhappy there is nothing wrong with a change in direction.
Like you said, we live our life for us, not for others. We don't need to make others happy. We need to make ourselves happy.
Btw. I loved the pics of Pipers you posted. They put a smile on my face. Pipers is very brave to climb way up that tree.
Thank you for your post.
Is there any way you can make the font size a bit larger? Please.
buick
-- Edited by buick23 on Tuesday 10th of August 2010 12:51:31 AM
I wanted out! But there's that codependent in me that says you can make things better. I tried changing my attitude and working w/my tool box. Some days good. Some days really bad. 
I actually said it. I was floored and so was he.
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