The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've learned that for me to keep what I want, to keep the understanding I gain in recovery, I must be constarntly consciously practising it. If I want love, understanding, forgiveness, loving detachment, faith ~ al of these things are things I must be actively practising to keep. I cant just do it once and its all good forever. I have to align myself with HP and remember to surrender my feelings and issues, to let them go so I can get perspective.
I thought letting go was the hardest thing in the world. I never thought I would be able to do it. Other membres said it was the easiest thing in the world. Well, maybe I had not yet truly accepted powerlessness over others -bc- that will lie to you and tell you that meddling, manipulating is working, ugh. Si, I had to pray for willingness and surrender bc I wasnt figuring it out immediately on my own. lol thats another thing - I was very impatient, its immaturity really. I wanted to be more mature emotionally. Ive learned that anything worth having, is worth waiting and working for - not demanding it now.
Ive learned that friendships, relationships unfold naturally over time... its a process. Never knew that before - I used to force relationships and demand people be what I wanted them to be. What a scared, confused insane person I was!
So when it is a day of struggle in program, I get back to basics, focusing on me, surrendering in prayer, getting into this moment and practising, practising. Focus on me, MYOB mind my own business, detach from other's issues, feelings, moods, attitudes, whims, crises. I give them the dignity to handle and address their own issues and I respect myself by working on me. I show respect by not attempting to change them anymore. I set my boundaries, follow through for me. No more compromising myself anymore and it has been so very empowering.
Recovery is self discovery and whatver you put into program-into you, you will get paid back. It is a process, everything is a process, so get into it and work it, you're worth it and so much more. Take care of YOU, whatver that looks like. If you feel you arent worth loving or good enough - forgive you in prayer with HP. We are all human and make mistakes... but dont spend ur life condemning yourself for the past. Forgive and love YOU.
On a side note - I see how Americans are so outraged constantly over what is or is not politically correct in society today. People are so outraged over what others say and do. Think about it, they are so mad over someone else. Throwing all of their attention away to what they dont like and what bothers them, so they can be a victim, blame others and not change or look at themselves. Do u really want to spend ur whole life being exasperated over people's behavior? That is throwing your life away. We all need to accept each other, calm down and find inner peace bc life is fleeting and being negative (upset, angry, sad) all the time takes you away from what positive constructive change can you make for your life to alllow you to feel better right now/today? And keep asking yourself that question, what can i do to be happy, healtheir right now and then follow through for you and see how you feel.
I treated program like an experiement. I would hear some ESH or a technique and I would try it to see if it worked for me. If it did, great. If it didnt, try and try again. Alanon is all about YOU!
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
I've definately found that keeping "emotionally in shape" was like being physically in shape....it requires constantly doing what you need to do to be "in shape". When you stop you get "out of shape"....that's what keeps me from getting discouraged that "I'll never be fixed"....(well I get discouraged anyway, but this helps create some perspective). This sort of thinking makes me feel ok that "I'll be coming forever"...
((kitty))) thank you for such a wonderful post filled with so much wisdom :) When I first arrived here I knew what everyone elses problems were, the thought that I had one never occured to me, imgaine that now :) I was miserable. All this self love, focus on me stuff really went right over my head. I didnt even know what it meant, but I didnt like the sound of it from the get go and almost didnt come back. I wasnt the problem. I came to realize that I was sitting on my self appointed throne overlooking everyone around me and had pretty much lived my whole life this way. All this focus on them and not myself, trying to change what I could see in others that needed changing according to me. Not realizing that my "choices" had gotton me to exactly where I was at in my life. I would sit around and think god, if they would only this or that, or if they didnt this or that I wouldnt be here. Accepting my powerless ness over others in spite of repeated life evidence took me a long time, I dont even think in retrospect I even realized or even considered the thought that I was powerless. I must be a slow learner :) I have decided to step down from my throne and work on getting my life together, taking a long hard look at myself. Accepting the things I can not change and finding the courage to change the things I can. That distinction alone is life changing, and leads me to make choices from a healthier place. Again thank u for a wonderful post, you always make me think :)
Wonderful share, thank you. It really resonates with me.
I didn't know there was another way. I didn't know I could change. I didn't even know "better" existed. I stumbled through life being "me" and was just as demanding of others, push push push to get what I wanted. Not accepting others and not even knowing and accepting myself.
Here comes 40 - and after living with myself every day I am just now getting to know and love myself. Learning how to do that helps me learn how to do that with others. It starts with me.
Thank you so much Kitty. I agree, it works if you work it!
tlc
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To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.
I agree, One Day at a Time, with Focus on Myself, Prayer, Gratitude, Meetings and Sharing, I get to keep my serenity, courage and wisdom for one more day.
I am so glad that thiese tools are part of the journey and that I will never graduate.
I just opened an app to use for habits - bc- I keep struggling with working out daily or even - at all. Why oh why dont I want to feel better? So I open this thing up and up top it reads:
"We are what we repeatedly do." -Aristotle
and the line under it says: Love is not due to luck, but to habit and it keep changing saying: Wealth is not due to luck, but to habit. Beauty is not due to luck, but to habit. Strength is not due to luck, but to habit. Success is not due to luck, but to habit. Happiness is not due to luck, but to habit. Peace is not due to luck, but to habit.
Hmm, can I see a pattern.
If I want something, I have to be giving it away. I have to be doing it anyway. Like program, it takes the practising to have. Am going have to treat my daily activities like the program so I can get my life going and doing more and I cant do that if I dont get healtheir physically - now. So instead of it being a work or chore, I have to make it positive for me - maybe I can pick a time of day and stick to it that, Im pretty good on a sechedule, lol, so guess I need the resolve that means recommitting to doing it, for me, as a good fun thing and I will feel better - it will allow me to have more of the life I want now. So Im using this as way to empower myself, to make it (and my life) that much greater.
One minute, one second at a time, is how I white knuckled my way through program. Breathe - be calm (try) and stay in this moment. Feel - deal - heal the whole way through. I can change my entire life by doing something for fifteen minutes at a time and I think Im excited to go start... I'm going wii it right now. 21 days to break/make a habit, here I come.
My mom comes to visit in five weeks, so I will see what I can accomplish from now 'til then.
Everyone - rock on, love YOUrself and do something healthy that you will feel better about.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
That share really hit a cord with me. I thought I was doing really well, but I get one nail in my tire and I fell out of the race of my life. Back to work.... You have wonderful insight and some day.... I hope to be just like you.
I don't know that I "forced" relationships. I certainly had no idea where I began and others left off. I used to be able to spend all day with people, now I can't. After an hour or so I'm full up. I was so numb for years I had no barometer of what was okay and what wasn't.
I can certainly get to the place of being out of serenity and I somehow find my way back. I do know this program unfolds much like you describe rather than drops out of nowhere and fixes everything. Life on life's terms is definitely a huge challenge.
Back to work.... You have wonderful insight and some day.... I hope to be just like you.