Those may remember me, I was crying aloud here a month ago about my misery of breaking up with my alcoholic fiancée. Here is some positive sharing for those who are in the middle of the crisis or dealing with the lost right now.

He is/was a wonderful guy when he is sober or when he does not drink excessively. But when he is out of control, he mentally and physically drains me. Eventually, I became depressive and resentful towards everything, I could not function well at work or socially, my self-esteem became very low...I was dying there to hope one more day there, he will decide to change but no, nothing. I set up a bottom line for myself, then he crossed it. Then I left.

The pain in the beginning was almost unbearable, but it is bearable obviously, or else, I won't be there and talking to you guys. I won't describe too much about all the pain, misery, the guilt, the eager of wanting to go back this time. I want to tell you something positive this time. After almost two months now, I now still feel a lot of pain when I think about him and the dreams he and I shared together. But, but, I can feel the healing within myself. I did not do anything too amazing, what I just did is:

go to work everyday even I do not feel it
go to alanon meetings even I do not feel like talking about my problems
join an sport group, which I always want to have a try that sport
go back to my old church (the church I used to go before I met him)
take a class to improve my swimming
see/talk to a friend  couple of time per week
take a mini-trip somewhere once a month
see a therapist every fore-night

I also found out that routine is very important. Keep your expectation low helps as well. Don't hope that you will get over it in a few days/months. Self-pitying or self-beating will not work. We are all vulnerable in someway, we all make mistakes or meet the wrong persons or make wrong decisions. All we need to do is to learn from those mistakes so we will not make the similar ones again.

Breaking up with addicts is unspeakably hard, especially years of staying with them make us addictive to them as well. The overwhelming pain and guilt are swallowing anything alive left in you. But IT WILL PASS, no matter how much you do not believe it right now, IT WILL PASS. No matter how painful it is, IT WILL PASS. Time will heal you and you will learn so much through the healing process about yourself, your potentials and other people or even the world. One day at a time, one hour at a time.  Don't give up, hanging there, you will see the light in the end of the tunnel. I haven't seen mine but I can feel that I am moving closer to it day by day.

 

We are all loved by God in some way.

 

blessings,
Ada

-- Edited by tlcate on Wednesday 4th of August 2010 10:51:42 PM