The material presented
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Ok people. I need some your ES&H today. I am so down today. I believe that my AH is drinking (of course he denies it). But I have this instinct about it and my gut tells me that he is drinking. So... when he got back from his fourth rehab, I set rules that we needed to live by, in order to stay on track with getting healthy and being in a healthy relationship. We both agreed to the guidelines. I made a decision that if he chooses to drink (which is his God given right) I don't want to be part of this relationship anymore. I can't. So, do I just wait and see how this progresses or should I confront him about it and start packing??? I truly did say what I mean and I meant what I said. If any one has any suggestions on how you handled a situation of this sort, I would greatly appreciate any input you have. Peace.
Boundaries are for us. We put them in place to protect us. They can be a solid brick wall (firm boundary) that no one can pass through or they can be a fence (flexible boundary) that can be adjusted by us (not our alcoholic) from time to time depending on the situation.
You are the only person who can decide if your boundary is a firm one or a flexible one. As far as if he is drinking or not, why should you ask, or why should you worry? He either is or he isn't. If he is.....the disease will raise its ugly head soon enough. Save your serenity for now........because if he is drinking you and your HP have to decide if you intend to enforce the boundary that you have in place. I feel sure you and HP will make the best decision for you.
I'm sorry you are feeling down and have that ole gut feeling. Instead of sharing what I did do since that was haphazard and flying by the seat of my pants I'm gonna share what I wish I had done
I wish I had listened with my gut, watched for the truth to present itself in it's own time and had a Plan B at least in concept ready to go. I wish I had TRULY accepted I was powerless over the outcome except for the boundaries I had placed on what was right for me. I wish I had spent my energy believing that my HP knew what was best instead of worrying about how and where everyone was gonna end up. I wish those doubts had not stopped me from keeping my boundaries in place so many times. I wish I had been more scared of what the stress was doing to me physically and mentally than how change was going to affect me. I wish I had taken responsibility for my own happiness sooner. I guess I wish I had practiced the basics of Alanon with more confidence and alot sooner than I did
There is something that happened when I was practicing my tools, the answers that felt right just came to me. Once I had those answers the actions were hard to put into place but easy to follow inside. Trust yourself to know what is best for you first.
I have learned to trust my gut instead of what my A tells me. Cause i know when ever he opens his mouth he is lying. Your decision is really up to you as to what to do. What you feel comfortable with. I pray HP guides you on your path Blessings
I always knew when my husband was drinking again. Only you can decide which way you want to live your life.
Remember you can not control him or his behavior. The thing about this disease is when they start drinking again it progresses so fast that he woln't be able to hide it long.
Best wishes to you and I will keep you in my prayers.
Lots of good responses for you. Only you can decide how that boundary works. It's about you & your life. Whatever you decide, we will be here for you. Sending you lots of positive thoughts to help you find your way. Much love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Thank you all. It is wonderful having my own "special" family out there. I have a lot to think about and it is nice knowing that you are all there and will give me ES&H when I need it most. Thanks again.
I heard at a meeting once....some guy said...."dont just do something, stand there!" meaning don't rush into decisions....you can make any decision you want...make sure that you really want it, and at that time because you can do it any time...it doesn't have to be now, unless the situation makes it so...
I'm sorry but I always smile when someone talks about making rules with a alcoholic , I believe they mean to keep them at the time but this disease makes that impossible , it truly is more powerful than we are.. Ultimatums without action are just words empty words , if your going to make them make sure u can carry them out . its ok to change your mind * women get to do that * your the only one who knows what u can live with no one else can or should tell u to leave or stay .. there comes atime in recovery we call it the u'l know stage of recovery you'l know when your done and u will know when its ok to stay . Alcoholics lie its what they do asking if someone is drinking is setting yourself up for failure ,trust what u see not what they say . If your not attending f2f meetings I hope u consider going soon you need support ,the alcoholic is not the only one who has to change , we had a part in this mess and we too have to change our behaviors or we slip right back into insanity ,doing the same thng over and over again expecting this time it will be different . trust yourself find meetings and recover..regardless of what he does you will be okay
Wow I have been there, for 29 yrs of pure agony. Finally he decided to take his life. I was a complete reck for many years, feeling guilty and all the works. Now I am attending therapy and I seem to be on the right track. Make yor decision before it is to late, love yourself above all and part from this relationship that is destoying you a bit at a time. Seek GOD and therapy and move on , you deserve it.
