The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
All meetings are different. That's why it's suggested that you go to 6 meetings and try different ones. I have a home group that I love and generally go to that meeting each week. Depending upon what people may be going through in their lives on that day may determine whether or not it is a "cryfest," as you called it. Sometimes we laugh, sometimes we cry. Both are therapeutic for me.
I've gone to to other meetings...some I like, some I don't. The ones that I don't like and do nothing for me, I don't go back to those. The wonderful thing is that there are many options.
Not every meeting will necessarily meet your needs. But, that's ok. Just try another one.
I would love to find a meeting that is uplifting and what people are doing in their lives to change. I have only attended a couple of Beginner Al-anon meetings a couple of years ago and it was very sad and there was nothing that made me feel good. Maybe thats why I haven't gone back. I just haven't found the right group. thanks for sharing and letting me know that if I try another group maybe I will find one that will give me hope.
There were a couple of other groups that I really liked and the leader seemed to keep people in check with how long they talked. There was one group of only 3 people that I seemed to get the most out of, but that group meets at a really far away place I can't get to every week. My new apartment is an hour from where I am living now and I know there are lots of groups in that area, so I am looking forward to other groups in the near future :) Thanks for clearing this up! I will keep going :)
Your meetings sounds as if the format is sound. Reading from Conference approved literature and then sharing from the heart should bring honesty and program tools out in the open. Even if the shares are painful the reading is a powerful focus for me.
Before alanon I never would allow myself to feel all my feelings, I could not cry in front of people or be honest about how I felt. Actually I did not know how I felt about anything. My therapist insisted I attend alanon because that is where I could find recovery. She was right!! The tools, the acceptance, the open format, the lack of rules enabled me to trust enough to go inside and reaveal my pain. How important that was!!
I found meetings where I felt safe enough to cry and be vunerable were very important to me after my son passed from this disease and a huge growth for me . The acceptance in the rooms is amazing and I will be forever grateful for the ability to express myself so openly.
I do belive that 10 minute shares are a bit too much and at the next business meeting you could suggest timed shares that work well.
Please keep coming back
-- Edited by hotrod on Tuesday 3rd of August 2010 09:19:07 AM
Thanks Betty, I am trying to see it from the person's point of view that needed to do that venting. I guess I was wishing I could support her in some way, but I know cross talking is not allowed. So by her venting, she gets her emotions out and I am the listener, which maybe helps us all. I think I just felt that I wasn't really sure if my happiness at finding Alanon and the joy I feel right now would make the ones that got upset feel worse? "why is she so happy? this new comer is all smiles and rainbows and changing and I am here dwelling on my insane life." I am sure I will have days like that too, so I guess it was meant to be for me to hear it all :) Thanks Betty!
Maybe your purpose there was to bring hope to others We are all affected by this disease, we all love someone with this disease If you felt you were so much happier than the others there maybe HP put you there to show them happiness is possible. I guess i would ask you if you were so content with your life what brought you to alanon? Alanon is the one place we can actually be ourselves with out fear or judgement
I am not content with my life, I am changing me so that I cannot be hurt by other people's actions anymore. I have a friend who is an alcoholic and that has affected me greatly, the worry of where he is, what he might be doing etc. pushed me to seek out alanon. I spent many nights waiting by my phone only to get a call from him after he drank 2 pints of vodka and then I worried all night if he would survive.
Also I have many people including my father in my life that were alcoholic. I always played the victim role and let others take the lead. I wanted to take care of everyone else and be the one in pain. I am very codependent and I have alanon's disease, so that is why.
But I am feeling really good because I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel of despair that I was in. I have suffered from depression, panic attacks and PTSD from childhood trauma all of my life. I have been in a really good therapy treatment for almost 2 years and have found that what Alanon offers is just what I need. The literature has especially helped and I am just trying to find a group I like.
I was not judging the other people, I just didn't know if that was a normal thing in a meeting. I am new to this....
I have felt the same way at some meetings. Just keep trying. Keep an open mind and heart and look for newcomers to share your recovery with. Sounds like you are solution focused which is a powerful recovery tool that will help you and others.
There is no timeline on getting it, implementing it, living it - you can be at your bottom one day and grab onto recovery and smiling the next. Or it may take a long time. Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. I felt weird too. I went from bawling one day to "WOW! This stuff REALLY WORKS" in about a week. And I just kept gobbling it up and moving forward.
Being happy in recovery is the goal and it sounds like you are well on your way! Remembering the pain and suffering with compassion for the newcomer is invaluable to ourselves and them.
I remember in AA being told to reach and grab the guy behind you. You may only have one day sober - one day in meetings - but he has none and you have something to offer. Gives me goosebumps just writing it.
The important thing for me being solution focused is that I don't focus on the answers in recovery so much I glaze over my problems. I can get into the lala land of bliss and stuff my problems and not use my fellowship and MIP family to unburden myself, to be honest, to admit my mistakes. I put on my recovery hat and work through it by myself and say LOOK AT THE SOLUTION! Isn't it great? The pain and isolation are still in my heart and I just stuffed it under recovery . . . but I am still stuffing it. I applaude those who can let it out - because that is a step towards letting it go.
tlc
__________________
To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.
Many members that first join Alanon have no idea what its about. When I first joined Alanon, I didnt understand the disease. Everyone is at a different place. Each person needs to vent, get everything out before they can begin to repair themselves. Everyone is damaged to different degrees.
We have been so use to doing for the Alcoholic, losingour identities and not even realizing we have been abused. some of us have lost their way. Then they start getting the program and realize its about them and about working on yourself. Getting a better self image.
Your fortunate that you are in therapy, a lot of women dont have the time or resources. Or you are one of those members that just gets it.
Yes, Alanon is about solutions and finding our part in it. It takes time. Thats where the sponsor is great at doing and helping. Maybe on the board we dont talk enough about sponsorship. The whole program is a process. Maybe you should attend a step meeting, that might be more productive for you.
Wishing you strength and hope and courage. Luv, Bettina
Great Post...Often times the best place for me to work "the" program is in a meeting. I get to inspect and clean and work the tools for me with me on purpose and there isn't an alcoholic within miles. I am soooo grateful for elder sponsorship that taught me how to see other perspectives other than that which was right in front of my nose. I was told that there are only two meetings I should attend...those that I like to and those that I don't. Gold rarely sits right at the top of the ground. In gratitude ((((hugs))))
perhaps the ones crying were at thier first meeting and saw nothing positive at the time .. U on the other hand had already been exposed to our program from this site . the rooms are a safe place to cry it will pass if they continue to go to meetings . The one positive thing I get out of a meeting like u attended was thank God I am not where thier at anymore .
You dont have to recant your post. Your concerns were yours and yours alone, its good to be straight and honest. The best recoveries are honest ones.
Your here to get well, and your doing great. Glad your here , one thing for sure, obstacles appear along our path of recovery. Its all good. Luv, Bettina
I think I understand better, and no way to delete it... Thanks though. I am learning and I don't love my life, but I love the changes I am making and love that there is some positives out there that I never knew before....Thanks Bettina! Love you too!
-- Edited by Maize on Tuesday 3rd of August 2010 06:13:08 PM
Recant ?? why would u want to do that . in my opinion the only dumb questions are the ones not asked here u have the freedom to talk about what is bothering you and get feed back never anything ucant ask or talk about welllll maybe a few things hehe. You have a right to your opinion and a right to share your thoughts, don't stop now your just getting started .. if your like I used to be its a shock to understand we can say how we feel with out being told to smarten up or dont be so stupid or stop crying , in our meetings we are heard and that is a gift .
here u have the freedom to talk about what is bothering you and get feed back never anything ucant ask or talk about welllll maybe a few things hehe.