The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well I have not mentioned this because I have been here before with my ex husband, but this time it feels different. My son is an alcoholic/addict. He has struggled for some time. He got two duii's in a month spent time in jail and I think I mentioned here he got the book thrown at him. The Judge had a daughter who was killed by a drunk driver and he really used all of his tools after the second DUII.
Son has been going to treatment but continued to drink. He went and drank about 4 weeks ago. Drank to blackout and punched something and broke his hand. The injury is called boxer's injury or something close to that. Daughter and I read up on it on the internet. Son said he fell playing basketball, he was the only one who believed this.
He went and drank 2 weeks ago. The next day hungover he started to give me a hard time. I advised him that I would not take the abuse and that he needed to find somewhere else to live. That he was only fooling himself with the falling down playing basketball etc. This was said in a calm voice just the facts.
Well low and behold he made the decision to stop. He is 2 weeks sober, hasn't done this before except in jail. He is still in outpatient treatment. I love that judge. I am proud of him. I have minded my own business.
I am just taking it one day at a time.
He was happy with himself yesterday and I was proud. There is alot more road to walk for both of us. I don't want to get high hopes as I have been there and done that and experienced some real low downs.
I am also keeping my program close with a couple extra meetings a week, so I remember that my happiness today is about me not someones sobriety. I am sure this is why I enjoyed that Dr Phil so much, Just glad I am not just starting out in alanon.
Thanks for letting me share this with you.
Peace,
fishinmama
-- Edited by fishinmama on Monday 2nd of August 2010 03:02:59 PM
I'm so happy for you and your son. Sounds like you stayed calm, set your limitations, and detached with love. 2 weeks sober is a great start and he is still working on recovery. That is wonderful news for you. Hope that it continues to go well for you and yours. Peace.
My oldest son has been with me for a couple of weeks. He is just resurfacing after his DIU a few years ago(clearing his name, getting a driver's license, etc.). He is intense. I have to set my boundaries around him. I have to let him own his life. I too go to meetings. What a gift!
Yay!!! Now there's some program in action! I love it.
Nothin dramatic. You stayed calm and he is changing. You are not feeding into and banking on his changing which pulls you up so you fall farther if they stumble and disappoint. I always view it as a bike wheel. I can be a rock stuck in the tread and go up and down as the wheel spins, or I can be the hub and calmly watch life spin around me.
But I find there is this wholesome warmth when program works well. Not hysterical "this is great!" but a calm, soothing happiness and understanding that this is good now. Today was good and we will worry about tomorrow when it gets here.
Great share. Thank you.
Tricia
__________________
To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.
Great job with your program! I've been using mine to help me interact with my son lately as well. Although alcohol/addiction isn't part of the picture (at least that I know of), I'm very conscious of not setting up codependent patterns as he moves to adulthood. I've actually learned something and applying it! Yeh for us!
I'm so happy for you and your son. Sounds like you stayed calm, set your limitations, and detached with love. 2 weeks sober is a great start and he is still working on recovery. That is wonderful news for you. Hope that it continues to go well for you and yours. Peace.