The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I woke up feeling great. I saw a truck on my way into work that's business logo on the side read "Boundaries" (it was a landscaping truck). I know my HP was telling me to watch my boundaries today and so my ex husband is giving me a hard time. My name is on the mortgage of our condo and he is telling me he doesn't want me there without him there to pack up my stuff. Its his way of controlling me still. It really upsets me because I wanted to go there that certain day, it was when I had time to pack my stuff. I know I am powerless over his actions and can react or respond, but it really upsets me how much of a jerk he is being. He is not the alcoholic in my life, he was abusive, so I am scared to stand up to him or draw a boundary line with him still. I want my things that are there. I knew I should have gotten it all out when I first moved out, but he was all nice at the time saying I could come anytime and get my things when I needed to. I am trying to breathe.... I am trying to not cry in anger. I don't know what I am learning here, but I hope it goes quick.... I just want him out of my life and to stop controlling me.
-- Edited by Maize on Monday 2nd of August 2010 12:30:40 PM
The slogan "This too shall pass" comes to mind when I read your post.
I'd turn it around in my mind and see retrieving my belongings as an action that would remove a mechanism of future control possibilities from him. Once it's been accomplished, he's lost a weapon. This is another step toward getting him out of your life.
When I had to pick up possessions from the home owned by my exH and myself, I always brought a trusted friend along with me. I knew that having another person present would limit the things he would say or do when I was there.
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Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could... Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. - Emerson
Thank you for your response! I am bringing a friend, that is a great idea! My friend just told me she is more than willing to come. And he is "letting" me come at 8 in the morning that day...
((( Maize ))) I'm glad that things seem to be working out for you. You have a right to your things, but as usual, they like to "throw" their weight around and sling a little control in for good measure. Bringing a friend is a great idea and it should help limit the conversation with your x while performing an unpleasant/uncomfortable task. I hope that all goes well for you. And I just have to add, Ythannah, I think you hit it on the head with "this too shall pass." It's all part of moving on with your life. Peace.
Bringing a friend is a great idea and it should help limit the conversation with your x while performing an unpleasant/uncomfortable task. I hope that all goes well for you. And I just have to add, Ythannah, I think you hit it on the head with "this too shall pass." It's all part of moving on with your life. Peace.