The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
as i stated in my other post, hes been home two weeks and is already drinking and lyeing on a regular basis. They say in al anon that we dont have to accept unacceptable behavior, Im pretty much at that point. My husband has left me without a vehicle due to wrecking two in a matter of days. He is driving around in what used to be my car now so he can get back and forth to work. I am home with our three kids and I also watch my sister three kids during the week so that we could pay for his treatment. SIX kids, no car, and yet he still lies all the time and manipulates me into to thinking Im crazy. I havent gotten angry or said anything hurtful to him over it, I have honestly learned that that only makes me feel guilty and wrong. Loving an alchoholic is such a thankless job sometimes, I have begged him to just be honest with me but ofcourse that isnt the case. Im just so defeated, I feel stuck in a situation that I just want out of. I have supported and loved him through everything when NO one else did and he cant even give me the respect of honesty.... Im tired of feeling alone and Im done with being deceived all the time. I want out, I just dont know how.
Boy you sound like me...I want out as well, but that's not going to happen soon for a number of reasons....I have to find happiness in the present...it can be done. Someone pointed out in my post that while we are dreaming of tomorrow, there's no guarantee that we'll even be alive tomorrow.....not to be morbid, but the idea is that all we have is today and we need to squeeze any little ounce of happiness out of it that we can.
I hear you and know your pain. I too wanted out but did not know how to do it. Alanon told me to keep coming back. Focus on my self. make gratitude lists, live one day at a time and soon the next right move will surface. It did
The program works Please keep coming back you are worth it.
-- Edited by hotrod on Monday 2nd of August 2010 10:33:27 AM
We can find serenity and independence by working out our own problems and not those of the alcoholic. We are never stuck!! We do that to ourselves.
We have to emotionally separate our lives from the disease, we have to live as single people, even if the A is under the same roof, support ourselves financially and not depend or have any expectations from these sick people.
We have to accept the disease of alcoholism first and know that we are powerless over this disease. If you want to accomplish serenity , the goal is a solution, if you continue to work the Alanon program and you see no improvement in your lives, you must follow your HP and take the action that is need to improve your life. Its not about waiting for the A to change.
Sounds like you know what you want and Al-Anon has the answers . . . custom tailored to fit your needs . They recommend you don't make any big decisions for a little while and I completely understand why. I was so confused, hurt, angry, insane when I walked through the doors of Al-Anon I should have been allowed to drive there. Major life decisions at that time would have been tenuous at best.
Al-Anon helped me settle my mind down. It helped me see my part, yes . . . I had a part and some ownership in this problem, accepting that actually offered great strength. Learn and grow and save my strength and plan for the next right move.
As you spend time in the program, reading - learning, hopefully working the steps - the "how" becomes evident exactly how you need it. You get to take what you want and leave the rest in this program and no one has the answers for you but we all believe in you 100% and know the answers are in your heart. We are here to support you while you find them.
Please keep coming back. Have you looked into meetings? Have you gotten any literature? Have you joined our online chat meetings? There are a lot of options that fit your schedule and your need for anonymity.
Tricia
-- Edited by tlcate on Monday 2nd of August 2010 07:12:40 PM
__________________
To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.
. They recommend you don't make any big decisions for a little while and I completely understand why. I was so confused, hurt, angry, insane when I walked through the doors of Al-Anon I should have been allowed to drive there. Major life decisions at that time would have been tenuous at best.