The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Numbers vary but statistics say that six or more people are affected by each alcoholic. Each of you can come up with the number that relates in your particular case. The number is arrived at by considering family members, friends, employers, co-workers, and others who are affected.
I don't know the figure but it would be my guess that there are at least four to five times more members in AA than there are members in Al-Anon worldwide. At my Tuesday night meeting we meet in a building shared with AA. Our meeting will average 10 to 12 in attendance, while next door at the AA meeting it is not uncommon to see 40 or 50 in attendance.
I just checked, MIP has 6,711 registered members of Al-Anon and AA has 3,349 registered members. Twice as many. As I post this topic there are 71 guest on the MIP Al-Anon site and 10 guest on the MIP AA site which closer corelates to the real world.
My question is why are there fewer Al-Anon members in f2f meetings than AA members but more registered Al-Anon members than AA members on MIP? I have my thoughts on the subject but would like to hear yours.
HUGS, RLC
-- Edited by RLC on Saturday 31st of July 2010 10:56:39 PM
good questions. I can't tell you a number in my case how many ppl are affected but I can think of about 10 people I know that are having problems with drinking. Now that I just typed that, I'm coming up with more. Crazy.
I have also wondered why AA is so well attended as opposed to Alanon. 2 alanon meetings a week were cancelled in my area because of that issue. Not enough people were attending. That is sad.
They are talking about having Tuesday meetings soon. I'm hoping it will work out.
When I first found this site I was glad to have found people who could relate. It was easier and safer for me to just come on here where noone knew who I am and I wouldn't have to meet anyone in real life.
I have recently learned that I need my f2f meetings and I feel comfortable there now as well as I do on here.
One thing that I value on here is the feedback, esh from others. It is different in f2f meetings. We don't have to wait days for a meeting. We can post on here or chat.
Even though so many users are registered, I wonder how many of them are active. So many come here and post once and never return.
Good question and I know that I have noticed the same ratio of attendance in my alanon Meetings and the adjacent AA Meetings.
I believe that alanon members do not seek out program help because they truly are in denial . THey honestly believe they are fine and that once the alcoholic stops drinking all their problems will be solved. I know I believed that and was astounded to find that I had a part in this mess which my life had become.
I also think that we who are eligible for alanon do not like to join groups, like to isolate, try to solve our problems alone and want the alcoholic to do the work since they " created the problem"
On LIne is ideal becasue it does not feel as intimate and our denial can stay in tact.
Alcoholics may feel the same way as we alanoners but their life truly hinges on their adherance to the AA program. Attending meetings, sponsers, fellowship 12 Step calls are essential if they are to live.
So I guess more alcoholics feel that their lives depend on program attendance and we alanoners do not accept that our lives depend on our attendence at alanon meetings.
Just my opinion Take what you like and leave the rest.
-- Edited by hotrod on Sunday 1st of August 2010 12:31:26 AM
I know my A did not like the internet. Besides that I see they need that being together in the same face to face room. The support they get there hits all of them, mentally, phsically etc
They need to be with other addicts who truly relate. Get out of this "normal" world.
Only another addict can relate to another addict.
Going online doesn't touch them the same as going to meetings. At meetings I think they are bars with out the drugs. At meetings they get into the gritty of it all.
Plus who knows how they think, maybe a big percentage have a motive that has nothing to do with AA. Plus some are ordered to go, some go to satisfy and order, then some go to try to avoid going to jail and or prison.
Online does not satisfy as many different needs and wants.
Leaving the home to go to Al Anon, is not what I need. I need to be able to go when I feel the need.Online is right here.
It is harder to leave, I don't feel comfy with kids there. I am thinking more females are interested in al anon. Harder to leave the home. When they work they don't want to go out again.
No one makes us go to meetings. I would guess there are not as many motives to go to Al anon.
Wellllll alot of alcoholics do not want thier wives in our program ,so they don't encourage them to join , many wives accompany husb to AA for what ever reason ?? Most AA men that I know believe that thier sober so whats our problem.. in the US at conventions I noticed a diff color badge at the internatinal when i asked what it was at the registration desk a woman showed me one it said Friends of Alcohlics , no program of their own a member of nothing . I said friends of ? what in hell are we . I have been in this program along time and involved with Alateen for almost 20 yrs in one capasity or another my question would be why are our alateen rooms not full and over flowing ? same answer parent is sober kids are fine , well I am here to tell u thier not fine our kids truly are the victims of this disease and it breaks my heart that parents in both our programs don't make an effort to see that the kids find a safe place to share thier fears and thier dreams ,why would we not allow our children to find the joy and serenity that we have found ?
Aloha RLC...I share very similar experiences as Abbyal and from early on I got the impression that "It was really all about them". Being alcoholic; recovering alcoholic was the big deal and since they were the larger, louder, more visual club that was most important and so... Besides other history shows that the focus really was on the drunk and if the drunk only got cleaned up in some way or nother the world would be okay. It was all their fault. Additionally one alternative to living with a drunk is always "leave them". It is a prominent alternative even while the question to the parent, spouse, relative or significant other is "what is my part in it and where can I go to get that looked at?" I didn't take quickly to the idea of maybe I have a part in this that is causing me pain and so I didn't rush into Al-Anon either. My first addict wife and then second alcoholic/addict wife had the spot light...what ever could be wrong with me. Yes there are more members in AA...that's just the way it is for now. Al-Anon members getting into service such as in Public Information and or working with the Professional Community and the like will help the word get out that there is help for the victims of this fatal disease. I was told by early sponsorship that I wouldn't or couldn't keep what I was freely given and that in order to prove that it really worked I had to give it away to others. That is my current service in my recovery. I don't want to loose this miracle by letting it slip thru my fingers.
Part of my service is also to MIP...I let others in my recovery community know that they have family here to support them when they cannot get to a meeting but can get to a computer. The MIP numbers are large and I believe that they are because other members have put the word out. I also know that MIP came into and stays in existence from the service of John F... Grateful always.
My hunch is that for Alanoners this is one of the first places we come when trying to get a handle on this disease. When I came here it was because I found my local face to face meeting uncomfortable & unwelcoming. I had choosen the wrong group to attend. I was convinced that I was never going back.
I googled Alanon & this site came up. I was attracted to the name. So I started coming here and posting. Eventually I popped into the online meetings and started sharing. Once I became comfortable enough I found another local meeting that I liked. That became my home group. In our area we have a fair amount of groups to choose from. Not as many as AA, but several none the less. Alateen meetings however are tiny. I too am puzzzled by this.
For others, I think it's a matter of being physically unable to get to face to face meetings. The distance is just too great or other factors come into play. Perhaps there is a safety issue. I was lucky Tim encouraged me to find Alanon. The only time he got really nasty about it was when he was drinking. He use to threaten to sue me if I talked about him! Umm...I was the one with the money! That's when I got my butt in here or to a meeting.
Abbyal brought up a good point about it being "the other person's issue". I did go to AA meetings with him when he was recovery from his seizures. I was amazed at this one huge meeting in which there were over 100 people there. We broke up into 5 groups. I noticed a bunch of people who were standing off to the sidelines. I went over to them and asked if they were the Alanon group. They said no that they were there to keep an eye on their As! I was really confused by this, but went back to Tim's group. For my sister she doesn't think she needs Alanon nor do the girls need Alateen. After all their Dad is sober it's his issues. That is disturbing for me as I see the residual effects from his disease on them all. All I can do is turn my sister over to her HP & be there for the girls.
Great discussion. Thanks for bringing it up. Much love and blessings to you and your families. Kiss the doggies for me.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I for one was afraid someone would see me walking into the meeting. I live in a small town and god forbid someone would know that my ex was an addict. In my sick mind I thought my job was to hide the addiction from the rest of the world and spend the rest of the time nagging him into sobriety...I came to alanon to learn how to get him sober. I would imagine alot of alanon's stop when the topic is not about how to pour out a bottle and after all the finger pointing they turn off when this might have affected them..
I don't know if anyone else saw Dr Phil on Friday. It was about addiction with children and the parents were sent to alanon. I thought it was wonderful as it showed what alanon is and isn't. The change in the parents was remarkable and I think both couples will continue to attend.
I feel Al-Anon is not as well known as AA. Thank goodness for that Dr. Phil episode. I hope we see more exposure as time goes on.
My exA was in AA and it was some time before he told me what Al-Anon is and that I should attend. What a blessing. I will always be grateful to him for that.
Then there is just the simple lack of understanding that they can take an active roll in making things better. If the A changes, as this is all their fault anyway (littls sarcasm there), then all will be well. Feeling trapped, powerless, victimized - but not even imaging another life is possible - the thought doesn't even occur to reach out for help. Probably what crosses most folks minds are social services, women's shelters, counseling - all have their own hurdles of being labor intensive and beurocratic, not personal, extreme, and/or expensive. The lack of knowledge that a program exists that is very very loving and supportive, free, anonymous, and flexible enough that anyone can accept and follow is unfortunate.
And who doesn't know about AA?
Purely my opinion.
tlc
__________________
To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.
I can't speak for any other area than the state I live in Here AA meetings are plentful but alanon meetings are few and far between and not well attened. For the people here to admit they don't have the perfect stepford life is an extemly shamful thing. And admitting they don't have control over thier own house holds is considered unexcusable. The people who do go to alanon will admit they have a spouse with a drinking problem but have yet to find one that someone will admit thier child is an A. So for me I don't relate to all that is being said. So if I want recovery I attend online which serves me well. I can get to a meeting everyday and meet people in the same situation as me.
I have no idea what the attendance is like at local AA meetings, as I have never been to one -- there is only one open meeting that I'm aware of -- but there are roughly three times the number of AA meetings as Al-Anon. We no longer have ACoA Al-Anon meetings here, and Alateen was nonexistant for a while (they are reviving it in a few months).
I have heard of a few AA members who prefer to attend and work their program in Al-Anon, however.
The discrepancy that has bothered me the most is the scarcity of men in Al-Anon. I'm pretty sure there are as many men in the general population as women who have been affected by another person's alcoholism.
__________________
Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could... Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. - Emerson
A question this topic raises for me is ... Out of the 6 people's lives affected by an alcoholic how many go on to become alcoholics and attend AA instead of Alanon? Maybe half of those 6 are biologically or enviromentally related and could have addictive personalities by nurture or nature themselves.
I always tell my friends don't ask me my opinion. My answer is that in Alanon they stick us in the back room with hard back chairs. In AA they have comfy couches and cookies.
At home I attend the AA meetings and offer to hold a separate Alanon meeting. Rarely any takers. It is obvious that there are Alanoners out there but might be too sick to see the hlep we offer.
All I know is, in the county in which I live in the UK, there are Al Anon meetings held in just 3 locations once a week and none of them near me. In the same county there are 36 locations where AA meetings are held and in my town you would have a choice of 3 meetings per week.
I was just discussing this very thing last week with my AH. There are so many in AA and between 8 - 12 in my Alanon group. I think that it is sad that so many don't go and it would be so beneficial for them to attend Alanon. I know for me, going to that first meeting was really tough. It is a big step and maybe the others affected by alcoholism are too scared or embarassed to attend. I don't know. But I do know that my AH alone, affects several people with his addiction while drinking. Not only family members, but also the people he works with. We have 3-4 men in our group, but only one that attends regularly. I don't think that it is advertised well and are location is hard to find at best. If I hadn't had my AH where to go, I would never have found it. Maybe that is part of the problem. If you have any ideas on how to fix this problem, let me know, I would be happy to try to do something locally.
I wonder if addiction has become so commonplace, if seeing on tv all the exposure we get to the addicts, both famous and not well known, that as with many other diseases, the "caretakers" are usually left to battle it out on their own. Being the nice, quiet, decent people we are, we don't like to rock the boat. Just a thought.
I would like to see more al-anon public service announcements.
And another option is available: anyone can start an al-anon group.
Before I went to alanon and read about it online (good website out there), I had no idea what it was or what I could learn there. I knew that it was for family members of alcoholics but didn't know what it was about. I am so glad I went though :) I wish I knew a way to let others know what its about. Leave a pamphlet at work or something...
Earlier this year, each of us in our group were given a copy of the Al-Anon Faces Alcoholism 2010 booklet with instructions to casually leave it behind in a public place once we were finished reading it. It has the local meeting list attached inside.
Our public outreach committee is pretty active.
__________________
Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could... Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. - Emerson
My take on it is that during the active drinking many family members are in denial. Then when the spouse is in recovery, the family members think the problems are over or their continuing feelings (of hurt, resentment, lack of trust etc) are unjustified. Either way, they don't go.
It took me a long time to (a) recognize there was a problem and (b) get up the nerve/find the time to go to my first f2f meeting.
That's when I got my butt in here or to a meeting. 
I was really confused by this, but went back to Tim's group.