The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Somedays I can manage to get through all the next right things I need to do in order to move my life to another level. I'm discovering the issue isn't the next right thing (which I can of course attend to) the issue is that I really don't want to do that. I want someone else to take responsibility for my life and then chide them for not doing it.
I gave over so much of my power to the ex A and I still can go off on riffs about what he did and didn't do. Admittedly I did not have good boundaries when I knew him and felt powerless over his disease. At the same time I was really happy to turn over so many of the reins to him that's absolutely astonishing to me now.
I work around alcoholics who blame everyone and everything for their problems. I can go there in a minute. If I wanted to I could make the alcoholics I live around the sole reason for my not being willing to take the action for the next right thing.
I also have some fantasy that I should actually like and want to do the next right thing. Talk about childish and immature!
I can identify with that, there are times where I want someone else to take the reins and then criticize when it doesn't pan out. I think we are growing up to some extent and sometimes this avoidance is a little like growing pains.
I think one of my core charactor issues is not being willing to accept reality at all. I'd far rather join the addict in some kind of fantasy and believe that I don't have to lift a finger to effect change.
God I felt the urge to voluteer for something there for a minute but Nah!!! knowing you two it's all taken care of already? Thanks for sharing the growth. I can use the support. Earlier today and after my morning meeting of all things I was feeling "Grumpy"...real grumpy. I thought that because of being a grand father I'm intitled and GPs know how to do it well...kinda like an evolution thingy. Then I did one of those inventory things that the program suggest and low and behold the grumps were the result of the world just not spinning my way earlier at the meeting. "Gosh" I thought...not me!! surely not me!!. My HP (not my wife) said "Get over it". And I did. Get over it was the next right thing and then I had to look for another one just after that one and went into the garden.
I just posted my 5 th step on the Step Work Board and I mention exactly what you are sharing. When I first did my 5 th step I discovered that I did not want to do anything. I wanted to be a princess-delegate everything to others, judge how they did it but never do anything myself. It was kind of shocking when I reached that awareness at the time but so very important for me to uncover!!
THese hidden atttitudes are what kept me stuck unable to move and grow in the world.
When I look at what I consider to be true miracles over the past 4 years of my life, I can honestly say that every one can be linked to me doing the next right thing, whether I "wanted" to or not. Taking a job, telling my AH to leave, having discretion with money, walking into an event by myself, keeping my mouth shut.... Sometimes it was out of desperation, sometimes out of common sense, and sometimes just to push myself out of my comfort zone, but everytime it was necessary, and everytime I reaped rewards far beyond what I could have imagined, though the wait for those rewards often was extremely difficult. Interesting though, that in as much as I know it and lived it, I have to keep on reminding myself to repeat the pattern so that I may move forward in a positive manner. It is so easy to get stuck again.
Keep on keeping on, my friend. You are moving forward, and there are great things before you. Thank you for sharing.
Blessings,
Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
This was the first "slogan" I heard in recovery that I grabbed onto.
Especially the word "right".
I am not always happy about what the next right thing is, in fact it may be downright uncomfortable and unsavory, but it is the right thing and the discomfort will pass. It really translated to right being - not easy, not immediate gratification or avoidance - but what is right in the big picture and long term.
tlc
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To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.
I had to read this twice to get it. I got it. When I was with my now ex-abusive husband, I let him do EVERYTHING and I mean everything. It was little by little that he took over and it was just easier to let him so he wouldn't yell at me for not doing it his way. Now that I am free and working on me, I can see this. I used to get mad at him for doing things and for behaving the way he did. I couldn't change him, I could only change me, so that is what I am doing and why I left. Thanks for sharing!
