The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Yesterday I finally got to the court and filed for divorce. It's the beginning of the paperwork, but it was a step I finally needed to get under way. I took the day off to make sure I got down to the courthouse instead of trying to squeeze in an extra hour or two off from work.
I called AH and let him know and told him we'll need to get together so I can give him his copies of the papers and have him sign the waiver.
He called me back to let me know he's finally got the property management company from our last rental to write us a check for our deposit and said he'd be down in town to get the check and arrange splitting it with me and suggested we have lunch together to take care of everything.
I told him lunch would be fine. I could do it at 1pm, and to call me today.
Something in my head told me he'd flake out on me somehow. He's rarely dependable. So, I brought my lunch with me just in case.
The good news is he did come down to town and I gave him his copies of the paperwork and had him sign the waiver. We got our deposit back and he gave me my half plus paid me half of the court-filing fee for the divorce paperwork. But it all happened at about 9:30 this morning.
I hate to say I was right about the lunch thing. What was disheartening for me was the sheer annoyance I felt at him for breaking our plan to have lunch. I was fuming. All I could do is tell myself over and over "I knew he'd probably flake on lunch, that's why I brought my own just in case."
In any case, he's probably uncomfortable around me and doesn't want to spend too much time together. Before we parted ways, he did tell me how sorry he was about everything. An apology he's made multiple times in the past. It was easier to accept it now than it was when we were still living under the premise that we were married and would stay married. Now it doesn't matter to me so much if he can't behave in a way I think a respectful, dependable, honest husband should. We're not married any more (or that will be the case soon), so his compulsive behavior and poor judgement really don't affect me so much and it doesn't turn his apologies to meaningless words.
All I could do was give him a hug before we parted ways and tell him "I hope you can find happiness with yourself. Take care of yourself and love yourself."
I know that's not the last I'll be seeing him. Small town, and there's probably at least one more time we need to get together for the court stuff.
Just an emotional day for me. Glad things are getting done. Sad I still have such strong reactions to my AH's predictable unfavorable behaviors.
Just wanted to send some hugs your way. It seems that you have a HP led choice going on, yet as right as HP is, the pain of loss for your marriage must still be felt and are reinforced by the interaction with your soon to be exAH. Thanks for sharing, hugs again, Rocky
I just went through a divorce. Its ok to mourn the loss. They say it is like a death in the family. Take care of you, do something fun for your self and keep going to alanon!
