The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was washing my supper dishes when the doorbell rang.
He was standing at my back door, I went out to talk to him and of course I alreading knew what he was going to say before he even said it.
He blamed everyone for his drug problem, his school mates taunting him, he wasn't taught about the real world by us (I started talking to him about drugs by the fifth grade) he is now thirty years old for heaven sake!
I told him I wasn't getting caught up in his drama, I know he doesn't think I have a life to live outside of what is going on with him, but I do. I told him I didn't cause him to take drugs and I can't control him taking them, only he can do that. He just went on and on, everything except responsiblity.
I tried not to get drawn into the situation he has put himself into about how rough he is having it right now. I gave him something to eat and drink.
He started crying, and I wanted to cry too but didn't.
He left with a veiled threat that something bad was going to happen.
I am trying, just feeling my way along praying for the best, but bracing for the worst, thank you Alanon for giving me the support on days like this.
You were there for him, listened to him, and didn't get caught up in any of his drama or problems that you didn't cause. He hasn't accepted any responsibility for his problems or the decisions he made that caused them....it's always someone else's fault. Until he decides that the blame is on the person he looks at in the mirror each morning when he shaves...nothing will change.
You were very strong. He is your son. It has to be heart wrenching knowing you would do anything for your son, yet also realizing that sometimes the best thing you can do for him is nothing. He has to find his own way, and that is between he and his HP. That is the only way he will ever find his path to recovery. Your job is to take care of yourself, and as hard as it was that is exactly what you did today. Continue to stay out of HP's way and know you are doing the next right thing.
HUGS, RLC
-- Edited by RLC on Wednesday 28th of July 2010 10:42:33 PM
Hang on Dreams!! This is a test...it is only a test (you know this). Your HP has it and your son has got to find HP's hand. I pray for that. Let him find your hand!!
In the meantime? we hang on and go on with our own responsibilities.
(((Dreams))) I'm so proud of you for the way you handled that situation. You listened, gave him a bite to eat, but didn't get sucked back into the insanity of his life. Good for you. Detaching and working the steps, minding our own business, is sometimes the hardest things that I have ever done. The more I practice, the easier it gets. Sounds like you have done some practicing yourself.
Until your son takes responsibility and decides he "owns" his addiction and is ready to work the program, there is nothing that you can do to "help" him. There was a quote in a book I read that stated: "I love you enough to let you grow up and be responsible for your own life." Sounds like you love him a lot. Be gentle with yourself today... you deserve it.
I can only Imagine the Strength this took to stand up and not only do what is right for you, but what is right for him... I have a ABrother that just turned 31, and he still at times likes to remind my Mother of all the "Terrible" things that happen to him when he was a child, She does not carry your strength and has caved many times, because of Guilt & blame coming from him, I pray for them daily, and today I will add you & your son to my Prayers...
Good for you for keeping you on the list :) I admire your Strength & Boundry's in working your best program...
Hi Dreams........well done.....so proud of you! His disease was in control and fed you a load of c--p and you didnt swallow it. You showed loving detachment and compassion. My Ason is passive aggressive and many comments made caused me to rescue for far too long.....fear, fear, fear.....
Day at a time......all the baby-steps are worth it.
