The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am in the process of trying to buy my first house. I am doing it 100% on my own with nothing but a lot of advice from others .
Fear can be so destructive!!!
My fear translates to procrastination. Do something other than what you are afraid of and deal with it when it gets here. Go have fun, bury myself in work - just don't focus on what is coming.
Then, the moment I actually sit down and think about it - I get overwhelmed and either find something else to do or start getting into my defeatist mode. "I can't do this. What was I thinking. It isn't too late to back out."
Then I pull out my toolbox. Tell myself: "Just do the next RIGHT thing. Take it AS it comes, don't procrastinate, and just do one chunk at a time. Nothing to be afraid of, you CAN do this. Yes, it is scary. It is OK to be afraid. Don't let it consume you. Use it as fuel to give you energy to push through this! Focus on the positive. Be happy and grateful!!! Very grateful."
So realistically I can sit and be afraid, run from it, procrastinate and let everything pile. Then it becomes a problem because the pile is too high and it is going to take to much effort to accomplish what I want. Then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Or I can identify my fear and face what I am doing in digestible chunks. One at a time. I may fail - but I tried to the best of my ability.
Fear is fear and it comes in a lot of different flavors and sources . . . but often the tools in working through it are the same .
It works if you work it.
tlc
-- Edited by tlcate on Wednesday 28th of July 2010 07:15:04 PM
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To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.
Go for it ,get experts on your case ,good bank ,good realtor and lawyer , if the monthly payment is about the same as renting a decent home , go girl. unless there is a husb in wings * not divorced yet * u will be fine . good luck and happy house hunting . Louise
Fear overcomes and overwhelms me with the same incapacitating and unfocused manner.
I remember buying my house many years ago. It was a huge step for me! I agree with Abbyal to get your proverbial ducks lined up and it will help you feel more confident and less overwhelmed. Start with one thing at a time and then complete a checklist of what is needed.
For me, the most difficult part was signing over the deposit check the day of closing; it might be helpful to have a friend with you to celebrate with afterwards.
I remember the joy of walking through my house after the closing. It is not big, but it was the largest place I ever lived in since I left home at 17. It was mine- those beautiful hardwood floors, a fireplace, and what would I do with all those rooms! It didn't matter that it wasn't perfect and it didn't matter that it was not my 'dream' home... it was home.
Okay now my turn to support tlcate on this one...ESH learned free from some very very smart "Noners" Let fear bring in caution and not panic. Caution allows me to take is slow and look over as much as I can without worry and the feeling I will not be able to undo a mistake. Fear is the False Evidence running around in my head that Appears Real....False Evidence Appearing Real. If you've done as much homework as you can on the problem you still will have to apply the solution with trust and faith. All of the other ESH applies too!! Now is a good time to buy so bargain from the basement and ask them "what's the lowest you'll take?" If it isn't low enough go find another. Don't fall in love with it until it's yours.
I got some other notes around here somewhere and will come back with some Oh yeahs later if I find em. (((((hugs)))))
I think buying a home is overwhelming too....even refincancing a few years ago was a stress cause for me. Just remember: F.E.A.R...False Evidence against reality...or something like that...maybe someone can correct me on this.
I understand so well how fear creeps in and procrastination takes over. I have also experienced the miracles of doing the footwork and letting HP do his thing. Amazing results, often so much better than I could have devised myself. Imagine that!
Yep, you can do this, one chunk at a time. I'm proud of you!
Blessings,
Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
You are one of the strongest, tenacious & loving people I know. You have been through so much. If anyone can handle buying a house, it's you. GO GO GIRL! We've got your back. Besides if you don't I may just have to start singing & dancing. NOW that would be scary. You'll be fine. Take along one of David's famous screws and all will be well. Pipers Kitty & I are keeping our fingers, toes, paws and tail (hers not mine) crossed for good luck. Much love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
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Besides if you don't I may just have to start singing & dancing. NOW that would be scary. 
You'll be fine. Take along one of David's famous screws and all will be well. Pipers Kitty & I are keeping our fingers, toes, paws and tail (hers not mine) crossed for good luck. Much love and blessings to you and your family.