The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My adult sons live next to me and Son 1 is an alcoholic while Son 2 who is a Type I diabetic is addicted to prescribed pain meds and abuses them by snorting. By the end of the month, he runs out of pills and does whatever he can to purchase street drugs. Yesterday Son 2took money from Son 1 without asking ... when confronted, it turned into a verbal fight. Needless to say at 1:00 a.m. this morning I get a phone call to get over there or Son 2 was going to kill Son 1 (he really would not but he would hurt him). I went over and was attempting to get them settled down and I started uncontrollably shaking all over. Son 1 had been drinking a little and I felt Son 2 was high. I did not know what to do in a situation like this. But was able to get Son 2 to leave for the evening. Now I have called in sick today from work with a splitting headache and that old sick feeling again. Son 1 says he is strong and can give up alcohol but he has tried in rehab twice and was not able to remain sober. Son 2 has stolen $15,000 from my ex husband but is still treated like he does no wrong. I think they are treated differently by my ex and that is the reason Son 1 drinks but who knows. This has just got to stop... my health cannot take it.
Sounds like you have your hands full at the moment. You called them your "Adult Sons", well your adult sons are addicts and you will never be able to find a reason why. Its really totally out of your hands.
All you can do is take care of yourself. I talk from experience as I was married to the XAH for 26 years and dealt with the daily craziness and ended up with a stroke. Gratefully, I survived with no residuals, but I certainly wouldnt want to go thru it again.
I hope you will stop in your tracks and stop trying to rescue your sons and let them figure it out, disease or not.
Attend your Alanon meetings, as it is so crucial to your recovery. Leave the craziness behind.
Wishing you strength and courage and wisdom. Luv, Bettina
I went over and was attempting to get them settled down and I started uncontrollably shaking all over. . Now I have called in sick today from work with a splitting headache and that old sick feeling again. Son 1 says he is strong and can give up alcohol but he has tried in rehab twice and was not able to remain sober. Son 2 has stolen $15,000 from my ex husband but is still treated like he does no wrong. I think they are treated differently by my ex and that is the reason Son 1 drinks but who knows. This has just got to stop... my health cannot take it.
Dear Greenvalley
If you are shaking uncontrollably and calling in sick to work because of headaches, it is seriously time for you to take care of yourself!!!
These are grown men and you, a women cannot referee a fight between them.
They are not 5 years old and are both under the influence of mind altering drugs.!!
Calling 911 is what I have done in the past and it works very well.
We MUST learn to focus on ourselves, our needs and health. If you become sick or disabled who will run your home!!!
Please try to get to Face to face meetings, come here to the on line meetings and keep posting.
Let GO and Let God
-- Edited by hotrod on Monday 26th of July 2010 03:33:36 PM
Oh boy what a mess a solution for me would be next time to call the police let them sort it out ,it could be dangerous for you in that situation one son drunk the other high I fear you will get in the middle and get hurt .not good . your son drinks because he has a problem period anything else is just an excuse for his behavior everyone has issues and not all drink . please find an Al-Anon meeting for yourself u need support your sons problems do not have to bring u down u can learn to detach with love and walk in dignity. this is thier stuff stay out of it tough I know but necessary to your sanity and physical health. Louise
Thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement. Everything I read is all a learning experience for me. I am going to get myself together and do this. Just not as easy as it sounds.
my son is an addict. He is very sweet and non violent except for one night he took some sort of cocktail of several drugs that literally changed him into a different person. Middle of the night he was screaming in the streets, woke up all the neighbors. Tried to fight one of the neighbors, we were able to wrestle him back into the house where he continued the tirade. In trying to stop him he became physical. This had never happened before. 911 was the first thing I called, then in order to keep him from leaving the house my husband who is disabled and me who is little wrestled him to the floor. Next thing I knew police were breaking in the door, I turned around to be looking down the barrel of a gun. My son never sobered up so fast in his life. He complied with all the police's request. After that it was understood we would no longer lay a hand on him we would just dial 911 I guess that was our first boundary as I hadnt found alanon yet but I wasnt willing to deal with any kind of violence in my home or in my presence. My suggestion is NEVER get between anyone fighting much less if they are A's. You have a right to safety. Sorry that happened. No living with this disease, working the program is not as easy as it sounds. It takes work and a willingess to change your own behavior. But it is so worth it. It is also not a race, no one is keeping score. Work at your own pace as you feel comfortable.... but work it Blessings
This happened once before but it did become physical between the boys and I shoved one in the bathroom and held the door shut so he could not get out. He was so drunk he could barely stand up. The trooper came and things settled down. One went to an overnight dryout place here in WV.. After last night, I told them that they fight --- I call 911. One said he is moving out and has stayed with friends. Thanks for sharing, it just helps knowing I am not alone.
My AS attacked his father after he had come to my defense when my son was cursing at me several years ago, I wish at that time I had called 911, my husband was able to bring him down to the floor and hold him until he calmed down and left our home. My husband and and my son didn't speak to each other for 2 years.
Just a month ago my son and his friend (both high) showed up at my sister's home and began a tirate because we had made it clear they could not party in our mother's home. My sister called me this time I picked the phone up and called the police.
He is out of the house and I don't know where he is going to live or what is going to happen, but we set a boundry with him, and it has just about killed me, but we have to show he can't treat the family this way and things just stay smooth sailing for him with a house to live in without rent with utilities furnished.
My heart is breaking and I don't know what the furture holds, but he was walking all over us, I love him but I love my family too, I wasn't going to put them through anymore.
I am so sorry that you too have had to go through this behavior and really appreciate you sharing with me. The boys have been responsible for their utilities and I have also made them pay a very small fee for renting the apartment. Now that the one is moving out and the other one is out of job, not sure how the utilities will even be paid. He does not have a drivers license at this time and getting out and looking for a job is a little hard but he will have to figure it out or one by one, the utilities will go off. Starting with cable TV.
It breaks my heart too to see my kids messing up so badly. I just keep praying and one day things will be better. I just have to believe that.
I am no longer married to the boys father and my current husband has been wonderful in letting me handle the apartment and rent. Just don't know what I will do when it comes down to no money being paid.
You got some greatg words of wisdom here. I will keep you in my prayers...I am praying for you and your sons. I hope for you to have some peace and serenity.
I would call 911 and not get involved if this was me because it would not be safe for myself. He drinks because he has a problem, not because of the father or anything. Please take care of yourself and stay safe.
