The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've been married to my AH for 21 yrs and everyone is right it only get's worse. I am always angry, my poor children were raised in this Alcoholic Angry Home. I always felt like i can handle this. I am 42 now and now all my 3 children have children and do not like that i feel like i am reliving my childhood. My oldest daughter has had issues with Meth last year and now drinking. It doesn't take her much to get drunk and is not a very good mother to her children. I currently have her oldest son living with me because he does not want to go home. My middle son is a huge Pot Head and doesn't care what anybody thinks. My youngest son seems to have acquired a anger issue last year towards his father. I do not like the way either of my sons talk to their Baby's mamma's. Whenever i get a chance i tell them that they need to give respect to them and that I know they didn't learn it from our home, but i still feel i need to speak my mind. I feel as though i hate my husband most of the time, i feel disgust towards him. He has recently been having dry heeves the day after he drinks, so i know this can't be good. I have tried to get him to go check himself, thinking this will get him to stop.
I've tried going to the gym to get my frustrations out, but he is constantly making me feel guilty, telling me he eats alone. I've invited him to the gym and he says he's going to go and then changes his mind. I even started going to Herbalife and have made new friends on to work on my health.
I feel like i have been the glue that has tried to hold this house together. We have a house, nice cars, i even went back to college to get a BS. Now i feel like i am hanging in here for the grandkids. I don't like the parenting my kids have learned and want to make a difference in their lives.
But there is one thing that always rings in my mind that you hear at Funerals. "How do you want to be remembered" I don't want my entire family to remember me as being unhappy all the time.
My grandmother that meant the world to me just passed away last month and i never told her about my husband, only the kids problems, i'm sure she knew though. She always used bible versus to make me feel better. She always said to pray on it. Her last words to me were "When you hurt, i hurt too"!
One part of me wants to just loose the house and start over. The other part of me wants him to leave, which i know he won't. I know i made a bad decision staying in this marriage now that my kids are adults and see how they act. I came from a divorced family and know that's why I did not want to give my children that kind of life but it was not better by staying either.
I am back here because i have run out of energy and need advice
The only advice I can give is to find Al-Anon meetings for yourself u need support this is just too damn hard to do alone .. u need support from people who have been where your at . Absolutley nothing will change til someone changes and u cannot wait for husb to see the light . We have a part in this mess too , find out what it is and change what u can = You . goodluck Louise
You know, I think it must come in the job description of wife and mother - "take responsibilty for the all behaviour of nearest and dearest". Actually - NO - not everything is our fault. Do you put all your behavour since becoming an adult down to your childhood? Of course not. We make our own choices in this life.
You said it yourself - you are "the glue that has tried to hold this house together". You love and care for your grandchildren and do your best by your children, no matter how difficult they have become. You need to keep repeating to yourself "Their problems are NOT my fault" And also the most important thing I have learnt - the 3 Cs - You didn't Cause it, you cannot Cure it and you cannot Control it.
Most importantly you need look after you. You are the most important person. As Abbyal said; find Al-Anon meetings and keep coming back here. You will find amazing support among people who have been and some who still are, where you are now.
