The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Ash got me to thinking about geographical moves when it comes to the alcoholic and that "wherever we go, there we are". I have made several geographical moves due to alcoholics in my life, and in each case it has never worked, just from the standpoint of "fixing the alcoholic situation".
We can never "fix" or control any person with what we do or what we say. We can only work on ourselves. I have made a couple of geographical moves that were not "due to the alcoholic". One was when I was 14, and it was a move that my parents made from Missouri to Texas for my dad's health. It is interesting that even in this situation "wherever we go, there we are". I was a shy, introverted teenager in Missouri, and low and behold, I was still a shy and introverted teenager when I moved to Texas! I had not changed!
Now I have moved from Missouri to Kansas and have my own introverted, shy teenage daughter who is 13 and thinks that she will "reinvent herself" and become this outgoing, popular person that she thinks she wants to be. I just advised her of what I already knew to be true, she is perfect just the way she is, she doesn't have to change a thing. I am sure she will have to learn the lesson "wherever we go there we are" too, and it will be an interesting ride!
I myself have had to "relearn" this lesson of "wherever we go there we are" in this most recent move. The difference has been that I didn't make the move due to an alcoholic in my life. I made the move due to financial reasons and to obtain a job. As truely a secondary reason, I was moving closer to my boyfriend who lived in Kansas as opposed to Missouri.
As it turned out, the job didn't work out, and I found myself wanting to "run" home. But I had made a decision to move my whole family (including my mom who lives in an assisted living facility) to Kansas. So kinda, as a reverse application, I found myself reviewing this lesson of "wherever we go, there we are". I came to realize that moving back to Missouri wouldn't "fix" my situation, that I had to "deal" with the issues at hand where I was. I truely believe that my HP wants me in Kansas at this time. HP has found a wonderful new f2f al-anon group for me to be a part of and I've already made new friends. My relationship with bf couldn't be better and I am living a life free of dealing with immediate alcoholism in my family for the first time in 29 years! Wow! I didn't realize how long it had been till I just counted that up!
Thank God for Al-Anon and thank God for this site.
Btw...my new avatar is of my new "babies" a greyhound that I adopted from a local shelter named "Westpoint" and my 11 month old Shih-tzu/Poodle Harley! What a combination they make! lol
Overcome
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I can Overcome all things through my HP who strengthens me.
Well put. Congratulations on your move & the new "babies". You really have the long & the short of them. You sound so wonderful & strong. Proof positive that if you stick with us you can expect miracles. Much love & blessings to you & your family. Glad to have you back.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I really appreciate your sharing. I find myself lately a little at a loss to find my way in my own life. I've been a "human doing" since my AH passed away. I've done all that can be done. Now I need to be a "human being". I sense that while I'm at this in between stage, I am at risk of screwing up big time....if something captures my attention, like moving, I would probably do it. I replied in a previous post that my son is a little like a "live wire", I think I'm actually the same way. Perhaps not quite as impulsive, but a bit like that. I'm trying to deal with the feelings by increasing my involvement in alanon (more weekly meetings) and service work, wish me luck!
Aloha "L"... if there is an Alateen program in your area that you can reach I highly suggest taking your 13 year old there and "pitching" her into the room so that she might get what we have been so grateful for that saved our own lives and sanities. Just some real ESH. (((((hugs)))))
Unfortunately, Jerry there are no Alateen groups in this area of Kansas that I know of. It is a fairly remote area of SE Kansas. My daughter has been to some al-anon mtgs with me though...and I guess there's always the possiblity of bringing up starting one, after all, I've been alateen sponsor before.
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I can Overcome all things through my HP who strengthens me.
Congrats ((((( OC ))))) on your move, your understanding, your new babies and your whole new reality without active addiction ~ life is much simpler for me, since I moved away from the A's in my life. Yes, my bf and I both have codie traits that we work on and can even trigger each other... I try to talk to him but also - stay detached from his choices, feelings and focus on what I can change.
Great idea about starting ur own group there! TC of you!
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
It's great when we can recognize our patterns and really think hard about our reasons.
I also did the geographical thing... twice. I moved from my home in Colorado to New Jersey to live with an addict/dry drunk. It was a scary relationship and I left after only a year of living with him. Moved back to Colorado and vowed "NEVER AGAIN! ... will I move from Colorado." there weren't any other reasons behind it, but that's what I told myself.
In steps my soon ex-AH. We meet in Colorado, I fall madly, co-dependently in love with him. He moves to Hawaii and then asks me to come out with him because he's lonely.
I joke often that my HP really wanted me to learn some things about myself when I was in NJ, but because I bailed, my HP decided I needed to be put on an island in the middle of the ocean so tucking tail and running wouldn't be so easy an option the next time around. ;)
So, lo and behold, I move out to Hawaii and spend six years with an active alcoholic who happened to be hiding a secret about his sexual identity (or was trying really hard to convince himself he was straight.) In any case, long story short, we're getting divorced and now the "geographical" think comes up. It's like HP's standing there on a game show, saying "will you choose Door Number One, or Door Number Two?"
Yeah. I could move back to Colorado... again. That's where my family is. That's where my best friend is. The cost of living is certainly less expensive.
But I've decided I need to stay put this time. At least until God makes it perfectly clear I should be moving back to the mainland. And, I just might do that some time in the future. I'm not ruling Colorado out, because I absolutely love it there. But I know right now, I'm not in a place of emergency... I have a great job, I'm able to support myself on my own financially. I have great friends out here and a wonderful support group from my Al-Anon family. So, I'm just going to sit and stay and pray. Learn more about myself. Take my time. I don't need to up and move. When I think of it, it would be utterly ridiculous. "I'm moving back to Colorado because I don't have a husband any more." Um... what? No. Not a good reason.
Yes. Where ever I go, there I am. So may as well get to know me better for a while before another major, expensive upheaval.
My ex-AH is already planning a geographical. Saying he might move back to the mainland... or move out to Thailand or something. And all I could think when he told me that was... "Hmmm... wherever you go, there you are." I didn't voice it out loud. I've learned enough in this program to keep my opinion to myself where ex-AH is concerned.
