The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So in hindsight i see that in moving the family back to our hometown has helped relieve some stress in that I have extended family support and friends to go to with my 4 year old son if dry AH pulls something. On the other hand I just realized that part of my depression stems from the fact that i expected my "geographical" to fix the problem. I began acting out our happy life together (denial) only to get slammed into reality again with insanity. so here i am at step one again. I am powerless over him and his everything. just because he's being nice doesn't mean he is recovered. I am powerless over the disease of alcohol. I am going to now focus on what i can control - I am going to the movies with a girlfriend.
Boy in those last years of living with the A, I would have given anything if he treated me nice. Its all about separating the man from the disease.
It was a good lesson for you to learn that wherever we go, there we are. But its good to have family support around you and for your son, its important to not always be in that environment, like you said.
Will an A ever be 100% recovered. I have an X son in law thats been recovered almost 20 years, its possible. Then I have an XAH, who has been sober for a month after 40 years of drinking. He almost bled to death from rupturing his esophagus and the Dr. already told him, he cannot drink again or he will die. Its totally up to him if he wants to live.
If we are to stay with the A, I say enjoy what there is to enjoy. We can never take there inventory, you know that for sure. If he is being nice, take it at face value.
First step is certainly the hardest, one that is difficult to stick. We are powerless over them and their drinking. Enjoy the movie.
Funny - I was just thinking about how I arrived at step 1. I was sitting in the parking lot of an AlAnon meeting crying because I suspected my AH was home drinking. I called my sponsor and told her I was at the meeting but I wasn't coming in because I had to go home. I told her my AH was drinking and I needed to go - and felt the crazy, insanity flow through my body. My sponsor told me to come in the meeting and just get out of my head for an hour, and I told her I couldn't. She said, "Well, just come in and talk to me for a minute then." I went in and sat down and talked to her and the meeting started. I stayed and got out of my head for an hour.
I was just thinking (like, JUST NOW) that sometimes one day at a time is too much to manage. Sometimes an hour is more than I can manage, but at those times if I ask, my HP will do for me what I cannot do for myself. I couldn't get out of the car. I have no idea how I picked up the phone and didn't just drive my shaking, crazy, tunnel-vision self home to pick another fight - but I credit my HP for doing for me what I couldn't.
Sometimes taking the action is hard, but I think you will be glad you did. For a couple of hours, you focused on yourself. It will get easier and easier the more you practice.
Bettina said it best when she said "wherever we go there we are". I've heard that a lot in my years in al-anon and it is as true today as is was when I first came in. When I was 24 and married to my first alcoholic I made a geographical move from Texas to Missouri, thinking that if I moved away from him it would solve my problems! lol It proved to not solve a whole lot (since the problem was me). I met and married my second alcoholic and was in for round 2!
One would think that particular geographical move would have taught me that just "moving" doesn't fix our problems. But in marriage number 3 I found myself not only married to an acoa (who I later found out had a sexual addiction), but a raging alcoholic boss that I couldn't control. By this time I had found al-anon and I had figured out I couldn't control the alcoholic. But I guess what I hadn't yet figured out, was that I couldn't "fix" the problem with a geographical move.
Since this particular boss was a college professor, I decided to apply to a different college as a lab tech/grad research assistant and make a geographical move. At the time I thought that I was making the decision for me and in my best interests, because they had the major I wanted to study. In hindsight, I see that I was just basically running from the alcoholic again. I could have stayed where I was and have done the same graduate study.
Anyway, to make a long story short(er) "wherever we go there we are". And I found "myself" in my new home. Yes, there are alcoholics to deal with wherever you go, and thank God, there is also al-anon. I got myself in a local program and continued to work on me. Best thing any of us can do is "keep the focus on ourselves" and Keep coming back to these rooms. Thanks Ash, for reminding me that "wherever we go there we are!"
Overcome
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I can Overcome all things through my HP who strengthens me.
