The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
As a result of doing the 4th step (with a sponsor) all my relationships are changing. Friendships that I thought were mutual aren't. My whole view of the world has changed and my focus has gone from people pleasing and not feeling worthy to focus and feeling that I too deserve to have a life, goals and feelings (without feeling I have to save the world to be worthy of it).
I certainly have a lot of compassion for those who are in pain. These days however I don't feel I am the "only" person out there that can "save" them and that's all I am here for anyways. I could cloak that in so many ways it is hard to fathom. I have to "save" myself first and give up looking for someone else to take over that chore. Needless to say that is far more than a full time job and one I find daunting to say the least.
I like this new paradigm and I know I will feel less grief in time over the way I have lived and related.
Maresie.
-- Edited by maresie on Saturday 24th of July 2010 01:47:50 PM
Its a tough lesson to learn isnt it. I didnt understand or get it until my third marriage and that was the one with the Alcoholic.
26 years ago is when I finally started on the path of enlightenment, with my practice of Buddhism, and Alanon later on. I thought life was just about finding the "ONE" who would love me forever and take care of me. Whoa, boy did I learn the hard way. I was the young ingenue with the pony tail, the star of my own life. I thought all you needed was looks and talent to get by. I was ripe for the lesson. There is a song from the show Chorus Line", I know its about the love of theatre, but not for me, its called "What I did for Love", You know what Im talking about. Now that Im almost a Senior citizen, next birthday, I have no regrets, but the lessons were hard. I guess as hard as my head.
When I think about it, I wouldnt want to be at any other place in my life, but right where I am, in balance. Thats what I strive for. Thanks again Maresie, Luv, Bettina
-- Edited by Bettina on Saturday 24th of July 2010 01:25:23 PM
Yay!! a stepper!! And a 4th reported on your 4000th post. Sounds like a meteor shower might be called for tonight!! Seriously though the 4th steps I've done were marvelous...introducing me to the one person I've lived my entire life with and knew nothing about....ME!! I highly recommend that step with a good sponsor to anyone and then on to the 5th, 6th and 7th. In support ((((hugs))))
Great to hear you've reached your 4th step Maresie! And that you found a worthy sponsor to take you there! Finding the right sponsor to help us through this journey is half the job.
I know in my first 18 years in the program I had a sponsor that basically let me "slide" through the steps, and one day I woke up and realized I hadn't actually "worked" a 4th step! Boy was that an eye-opener! And a big realization as to why I hadn't gotten further in my program than I had, obviously.
Today I have worked through my 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and 4th and 5th steps with a great sponsor and am "entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character" (sixth step). There is no other way to "achieve recovery" in this program, I have decided than to get your "hands dirty" and do the steps!
Love in recovery, Overcome
-- Edited by Overcome on Sunday 25th of July 2010 06:37:08 AM
__________________
I can Overcome all things through my HP who strengthens me.
I've actually done more than one 4th step but this is on a different level. I did them differently. They got me to here so I can't really say I wasn't working that hard. I thnk they also kept me alive much as this program did when I was desperate for help.
Thank you for your post. I have seen all my relationships change also. The most important and drastic is the one with myself. It is an eye opening experience to say the least and each time I find something new. The serenity you have found is an inspiration to me. Thank you for sharing.
