The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
my A is my husband.. it has been very a rough ride..even thoug it has been only 3 and a half years since we have been married.. i knew him for 3 years before that but only saw his addiction on my weddign night for the first time.. he has been in recovery and slipped many a times... this time it has been about 9 months and again i feel like he's endangering his sobriety.. that's a fear... we have been fighting for a whiel and he is always out of the house... back home late at night and on one day when we fought he didn't come back at all.. took off to a friends place.. i am finding it very difficult to detach.. not to send him an sms or call him when im at hoem and he isn't... where is this heading?
I am so glad you are reaching out for help. I well understand the desire to try to control an alcoholic.
I don't doubt this board can help you a great deal. I would also highly recommend getting a copy of Getting them Sober ( an offer is available at the top of this page).
thank you for your reply.. he is sober right now.. attending meetings too.. just that he's till always out of the house.. says he doesnt wanna talk to me but all i can think about is how i wanna call him and tell him i love him...
Welcome...I'm glad you found MIP...Lots of caring, understanding members who are walking in your shoes.
Your husband is working his program and is sober, he is fighting a cunning, baffling, and powerful disease. Many alcoholics never seek help in their fight will this disease. You can be thankful that he has chosen the course sobriety.
You have been effected by his disease. The disease has made your life unmanageable. You took the first step in seeking recovery by coming to MIP. Keep coming back and posting, read earlier post where others received experience, strength, and hope in replies to their post. This board has much to offer you and can be a tremendous help in your recovery from the effects the disease has had on you.
But, the best thing you can do for yourself is start attending local face to face Al-Anon meetings in your area. In the rooms of Al-Anon you will find the help and friendship you need to make your life better wheather the alcoholic in your life is still drinking or not. The meetings last approximately one hour. Stay after the meeting and talk to some the old timers, they will love to share with you what has worked for them. It's called giving back to others what the program has given you.
Your husband has his program, you need you own program. We become as sick or sicker than the A in our life without even knowing it. We need help also.....please find a f2f meeting as soon as you can....check for locations in your local phone book....you won't regret it....more important...you deserve it.
Your not alone anymore,
HUGS, RLC
-- Edited by RLC on Thursday 22nd of July 2010 01:26:41 PM
thank you RLC.. not being alone is what i need most... yes, i have been attending the Alanon neetings. Have only one in the week and believe me i wish had 7...
i love him and reading your post only helped me remember to admire his fight... thank you... i will keep coming back...
Been with the XAH for over 28 years, we have been separated for two years.
Something about your post reminded me of myself, its not that they werent an A before we married them, we just didnt know the signs or anything about the disease of alcoholism and they can be quite adept at hiding it.
Im really glad that you have reached out to Alanon so quickly thats really a wise decision after only 3 years of marriage, it took me longer then that to seek help, about 10 years into the marriage.
I know you have said a couple of times how much you love him, but dont forget to love yourself more.
Its good that he is in a program, the A in my life had one too, but they can use it also. My X was always saying , I go to AA, yes thats about all he did, he didnt work the program and having relapses is not working the program either.
You will find that if the disease and the drinking are not arrested, it gets progressive and harder to deal with. Do know that there is hope and every case is different. Just be aware and build your boundaries and keep coming back, thats the most important thing you can do. I wish you strength and Hope and Wisdom. Luv, Bettina
You might check an see if you group has a call list of members you can call during the week when you need someone to talk with. Talking with another member during the week who understands as perhaps no one else can has been a life saver for me over the years.
You found a new family here at MIP.......you are on the right path......not alone anymore.......and what a feeling to be a "Miracle In Progress".
hi Bettina.. your post brought tears to my eyes.. but then again.. there isn't anything that's good and certainly nothing not so good- that doesn't bring tears to my eyes... crying has become a reflex... and saying this here isn't hard cause i know most of you reading my post will understand.. thank you for such a lovely and warm welcome to this family... strength and patience is what i need... i guess my A has become my addiction.. i nee to let go right... just wish is wasn't so darn difficult to sit at home knowing he's out somewhere having fun...
but now i you all.. i have someone when he's away.. someone i don't need to put up a smile for.. it's okay if i cry.. guess this is all i need for now..
Thanks for coming in and introducing yourself to your family. Your post of course will be sooo familiar to those of us who have been there and done that. I relate and got to review all of the times I told her I loved her out of fear for her and honestly fear for myself. I whined alot and it would have been more honest had I known then and just said not that "I love you" but "I need you." There was no way that my alcoholic could attend to her recovery and me at the same time it was not possible...so with my attempts to control outcomes she went back out for another run of years and I found Al-Anon. There are sooo many tools to pick up and use while at the same time letting go of stuff that doesn't/didn't work.
Fear is what drove/drives it all; fear of, fear to, fear of and more. If you have an ODAT daily reader...go to the index and look up and read the pages on fear and then focus on them. That is what I was taught to do and I can only suggest what I was taught and what has worked for me. "Courage is fear that has said it's prayers". I believe you'll find that in the book. Good that you have other suggestions from others in the family. This family and Al-Anon will keep you sane whether he is still drinking or not. When you start getting the program watch how he reacts to your recovery...but not too closely because we are never here for them; only ourselves. hmmmmm sounds strong!!
Sorry to hear of your troubles...I have a similar situation at home that leaves me wanting "out" all the time. All we can do is fix ourselves...it's the only person we have any control over. And I need to learn that as much or more than you do.
i mean.. cant think of anything to say.. just need some quiet time... yet.. its great just to see a review against my post cause it means someone's out there who actually listens to what im saying.. wow its gonna take a long time for me in recovery to to be a little normal isn't it...
