The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My AH and I had a very good talk last night about patience (one of my favorite topics - NOT) and forcing things to work that don't. I know that I definitely want what I want when I want it. Period. And there have been so many times that when I didn't get what I wanted when I wanted it, I figured out a way to manipulate the situation to get what I wanted. Last night, though, it occurred to me that the times I've done that, I've ended up being truly sorry because it did not work out well.
I guess I'm realizing (again) that when I have patience and stop trying to force solutions, I end up getting something amazing that may not have been exactly what I WANTED but that was definitely exactly what I NEEDED.
While I am not always the best at getting out of the way and just waiting for life to happen on life's terms, I am getting better. Sometimes the motivating factor for getting out of the way is avoiding the drama of forcing a solution, not the recovery motivation of accepting life on life's terms, but hey - it's a start, right?
Summer, thanks for posting on this topic. I've struggled with the desire for instant gratification also. Whether it's pursuit of the "good" things in life, or mitigation of the bad. I forced a lot of solutions in my day that were my attempt to quickly fix something bad. It always, always turned out horribly and I couldn't stick with my solutions either. The best results came from AAA. Awareness, Acceptance, then Action. The Acceptance part was where I slowed down enough to listen to my HP.
Learning to stay in the moment and not forcing items is an important piece for me to have learn. Good for you for your realization that it was an issue in your life that needed to be corrected.
Also, wanted to relate a line from an old comedy routine that pops up in my mind when the word patience used.
Teacher: "In all things, you must learn patience" Student: "Yeah, yeah, yeah. How long will that take?"
I used to be so bad at this. I pushed everything. I felt it was necessary to be successful and get what I want. And . . . I thought that was the ONLY way. I didn't realize until I started working on my recovery and there was a softer, easier way and I could still be successful.
And I find if I am not pushing I see the truth more clearly. I give people and opportunity to pick up and do for themselves (or not).
There also seems to be options with the practice of letting things be. Can we learn to not push and be happy too? To truly be relaxed and happy letting go of the results? My latest opportunity to practice is buying my first house. It is a short sale which has earned a very valid reputation for being a total PITA. I didn't want to deal with a short sale and filtered them out of my sale search. One of the homes I was looking at was across the street from an open house. Decided to walk in and fell in love. It was the first house I got to step into and 40 houses later it stayed at the top of my "I want" list. It was a short sale and overpriced. It stayed on my list, I had fun dreaming about it, but there was no stress, anxiety, or feelings of need to control and push. Then, suddenly they reduced the price by $44k and I jumped on it! I was the only offer . It has been months and all my friends and family are much more frustrated at the waiting process than I am. I have no idea if I am going to get this house and that is ok. In fact, some days I don't even think about it at all. I am too busy living! What will be will be.
I would have been chewing my fingers off before, had an ulcer, and been making everyone in my life miserable - most of all my real estate agent.
I can hear the relief in your share and that is exactly what I feel. I feel lighter and life seems easier now that I have this option to try and let go of the results. I am hopeful, but I don't have a bunch of emotional stuff hanging on it so the let down if it doesn't happen will be minimal.
The potential new house, well the back yard:
Thanks so much for your share. I love your growth!
tlc
-- Edited by tlcate on Thursday 22nd of July 2010 10:15:48 AM
__________________
To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.
OOH, TLC!! That is such a very beautiful back yard!! I hope that you will get the house, but I'm impressed at your resolve to just wait and see. If not that house, the perfect house in the perfect time will be there. :)
. It has been months and all my friends and family are much more frustrated at the waiting process than I am. I have no idea if I am going to get this house and that is ok. In fact, some days I don't even think about it at all. I am too busy living! What will be will be.