The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I think any effort to think about the steps and apply them to our daily life is terrific. I recall that when I became compassionate for the alcoholic, and realized my own crazy behaviors, thanks to HP, I knew to make amends after I spent some time accepting what I'd done. However, I can also see that the more thoughtful step by step approach with my sponsor helped me uncover other insights. I also believe we "do the steps" over and over every day. For example, I've been sure that I get step 1 and then I do or think something that makes me realize I need to spend more time contemplating step 1.
I agree that any attempt to use the alanon tools in my daily life was helpful.
I attend a step meeting each week and I find that it helps to talk about the steps in a group . This week we discussed step 8 and the reading in courage to change on page 101 really spoke about the importance of working these steps in order.
It suggests that my exaggeratd sense of responsibility caused me to think I had harmed everyone I came in contact with and that I must make amends to them all. The reading cautions us to look closely at a situation, examine motives etc and then and only then put the person on an amend list The page notes that many of us MUST TAKE PEOPLE OFF our list after doing this exercise.
I found that early on I could make amends to those I thought I had harmed by stopping the behavior. I stopped gossiping, criticising, and blaming. I let go of many resentments and anger. That was done without confronting the people and I felt better about it. When it came time for my official amend It worked very well
Good Luck YOu are doing great
-- Edited by hotrod on Wednesday 21st of July 2010 05:30:09 PM
All I can give you is my ES&H. I worked the steps the first time with an AA sponsor who had 30 years and was a pastor. All I can say is WOW.
I am working the steps again with a double winner and it is so wonderful and powerful, I am learning so much!!!
I have also sponsored and I learned even more about myself through the process.
Do I think working the steps on your own will work? Sure! Anything can work if you try hard enough. But I found as I go through the steps that each step propells you into the next. It has a flow. I also found that having someone to talk with and guide you is so powerful. For me, my sponsor(s) have become someone I rely on, trust, and will share things that are a little deeper than that I would share in the rooms . . .
So for me I like them straight through 1 - 12 with a sponsor. I do spend time trying to integrate the steps into my daily life and in that case I sure do jump around.
All I can say is that the steps changed my life. Any attempt at them I think will be a wonderful, challenging, and enlightening experience.
Good luck!
Tricia
__________________
To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.
I was a "window shopper" with the steps when I started also. I took a closer look at that behavior in step 4...why was I always doing it alone? and by doing the steps with a more experienced recovering person, as tlcate has mentioned I have the same reply WOW. I didn't get a little, I got a LOT so what I can give you is what I found out...Why Jerry F the fear of others? and why the procrastination? Why the need to do it MY way even in face of MY way not being a successful way? Anyhow today I like guided tours rather than wandering around in a jungle I don't live in.
I also agree that when working the steps become habitual we live them 24/7.
When I made amends without learning what the step was about and how to understand it and myself...I was always doing it for the wrong reason...just me cause I tended to be a habitual people pleaser and would apologize even when it was not called for or appropriate.
Keep coming back cause this is what works. ((((hugs))))
I believe that it is detremental ,without help your not really clear on what your apologizing for .the steps are numbeed 1-12 for a reason . one simply leads us into two . etc. changing your attitude towards the people in your life that have hurt you is agreat place to start but for your sake please find a sponsor one who has worked the steps and lives them in her daily life to share your steps with . Willing is good and your there now find a sponsor and go for it . Without a guide were way to hard on our selves so give yoursrlf a break and find your sponsor first . Louise
I think any applying the steps in your life is great!!
However, in my ESH, you really need a sponsor - particularly with the amends steps. What happened with me was, I got all fired up about working the steps and just started working them. I plunged headfirst into doing amends before I'd done any of the other steps and without a sponsor because I just wanted to get better so badly - and I thought that would help. In apologizing for past wrongs, I really made a particular situation worse for several people, not just myself. When I got a sponsor and started working the steps, I told her I'd made an amends and why and what happened, and she told me that some amends are better as living amends and that was one of them.
Also, I do believe that the steps build upon each other. There are some we can do with or without a sponsor at any time - like continuing to take personal inventory and when we are wrong, promptly admit it ... and practicing the principles in all our affairs. But logically, it doesn't make sense that I can admit to God, myself, and another human being the exact nature of my wrongs (Step 5) before I have come to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity (Step 2).
Good luck to you! Do you have any people you are thinking of asking to be your sponsor? :)
-- Edited by White Rabbit on Wednesday 21st of July 2010 05:34:33 PM
White Rabbit, I do have a couple of people I'm thinking of asking. One in particular has over 20 years in Alanon. I saw her in a meeting tonight and she told me to call her anytime (she knows some of what I'm going through). I think I'll call her this week to ask her.
Thanks everyone for your insight. I think I'm just going to start over with a sponsor. :) This is really my first time actually "working" the steps.
