The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi all, in case no one has asked you today, I will, So how was your day My husband who is in essential services came in today and told me how many lives he saved and how many fights he stopped, having a real hard and stressful day. When he had vented he looked at me and said, I should go for a ride just to vent. Never asking me how my day was since my days are never as full as his and never seem important.
So for all you ladies out there, that were neglected today, how was YOUR day lots of love xx
My day was great! Some 'stuff' did happen; however, I let 'em go. I can't do anything about them.
I made lentil soup in a slow cooker for the first time! It's tasty. Easy to do. It's 100 degrees today. So some would think I need my head examined for making a hot food. I'm not nuts. I'm returning to work soon (I have most of the summer off) and I like to experiment with new recipes that are simple and don't require a lot of preparation.
Lentil soup is high in protein and low in fat. It's especially great if you are a vegetarian.
Now, aren't you glad you asked
Besides your husband overlooking you today, what went well with you? How was your day other than hubby thinking of only his needs?
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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
Thanks for asking! My day was hard and I feel very neglected as well. Its so easy for them to minimize us but why do we allow them that power over us? I have no answers to that. I try to acknowledge his feelings and problems and really listen while offering compassion and support but NEVER do I recieve it in return. It is really lonely sometimes as Im sure you know. Take care of you and thanks for asking. God bless
Well, the thing is . . . you go to an AA meeting or read the Big Book (highly recommended BTW) you will see that we (AA) even admit and realize that one of our biggest problems is being selfish and self-centered. That is one of the hurdles to overcome.
For me in Al-Anon I try to admit and accept that - and know I have no control over it . . . then it is up to me to take care of myself, love myself, support others, and ask the ones I love how their day was (thank you petpal) with no expectations.
It can be irritating. We want others to acknowledge us, validate our feelings, make us feel important . . . but having expectations for that can lead to disappointment (way too often). When I get it (again, thank you petpal) it is a gift. If I don't, for my own sanity, I need to let it go and not have expectations. Also, I need to take heed of this and make sure to validate others.
Just my take.
tlc
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To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.
Good post Pet...In program I came to learn that I like and love but don't need anyone to make me happy. It's nice when an affirmation comes along but today I don't need it. I learned to ask my HP from time to time when I needed feedback on how I was doing, "How do you see me doing?" and then getting quiet and listening. Most times because of expectations and power and control stuff what I get back from others just doesn't seem to fit to my ego. Being a Saint is about taking the bitter with the better and not reaching out for the halo.
Ah petpal, it SHOULDN'T always be one way but it sure can be, can't it?
It is what it is. Nothing changes if nothing changes. Jerry has a very valid point. But for me, my HP isn't going to be the answer to a fulfilling relationship. My HP may be the answer to my serenity in a bad relationship, but I don't think my HP is going to make my relationship whole without the other person being willing to do some work. (Big hug Jerry) If it is not a two way street then it isn't going to work. If we run into problems and change needs to happen and it doesn't . . . then I need to look at that. Am I going to stay and resolve this on my own (insert HP here)? I can't set boundaries with another person and when they are not met reset the boundaries again and again and keep being disappointed they are not met. Eventually I have to accept what is reality.
Here is an example. I got back together with my exA after a very turbulent relationship. We had both spent time in recovery and focusing on ourselves. But there were things I needed to happen for the relationship to move forward. Things that both of us needed to do. He did not step up to the plate. At that point I have a choice. Several actually. I can stay and be miserable and point my finger at him with blame for my unhappiness (did some of that). I can stay because I love him but find my own ways to happiness and not have any expectations of him (did some of that too). Or I can leave. Leaving was my final choice.
None of these are wrong. Really. It is all a matter of YOUR happiness and your serenity. Sorry if this sounds harsh, but for me it is the truth. I can stay and be miserable and have expectations that have nothing to do with reality, I can stay and figure out how to make myself happy and accept reality, or I can leave. I chose to leave. I have no judgement for others who decide to stay. I understand. It was hard to leave and I miss the good things about our relationship.
There is always hope. Hope is beautiful and wonderful until it completely corrupts reality and our inner peace. People can change. WE can change. We can grow. We can grab love from the ashes of disaster and move forward to peace. But in any relationship it takes two. If not, you are on your own to find your own happiness and take what you can from the relationship.
Sorry to be so harsh. Again, I am not an expert by any stretch. That is just my experience. The lovely thing is . . . once this realization hit me, once I saw REALITY, I had to put down the martry cape and own where I was as my choice. My A is who he is. I accept that 100% and there are things I love dearly about him. But it has become more than evident there are things that are not going to change. What I do with that is completely up to me.
Tricia
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To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.
Thanks for asking. I had a nice day. Cleaning, cooking and relaxing by laying around with the furry housemates.
I'm sorry you're feeling neglected. I do understand, I have had similar experiences. Lately a very good friend has developed the habit of asking how I am and then talking without pause for the whole conversation usually on my break at work .... I know she does not mean to but to be honest I could have painted my face on the wall and she never would have known the difference. For the time being I will accept it and hope this is a phase that goes away. It does make sense to me that I would want to have people around me who cared enough to ask, but I can't make it happen.
Alcate, thanks for your honesty I needed that, and no I do not find it too harsh, probably what I needed to hear. And I understand completly what you mean by your three choices. oh and long ago have you made your decision. thanks for what you have said, it really hit home, and hope to hear from you again. lots of love and ....... have a great day
