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I've probably posted about patience before - or my lack of it. :)
I've noticed in my recovery that I am able to be much more patient with the alcoholics in my life. I'm able, at least for today, to understand that they are spiritually sick and when they do things that hurt themselves, they hurt themselves because they hate themselves - not because of me or something I did or didn't do. I'm able to be accepting of my mother's right and choice to not stop drinking. I pray for her sobriety, but I understand that it is not my choice to make.
I've come a long way in my patience and understanding of alcoholics since I got the program. A loooooooong way!! Before the program, I really tried my best to get the alcoholics to see what they were doing TO ME, and get them to change. It never occurred to me before the program that their actions were never about me, I had no right to make them change, and also that I had no ability to make them change.
I marvel at the progress I've made in the area of patience with alcoholics. I never knew I could be at the place where I'd say that - where my insides match my outsides about it, and where I have peace. It took a lot of work, but I'm really proud! Every time I see progress in my own recovery, it reminds me why I'm working and motivates me to keep going.
I've noticed, though, after a lot of honesty about my actions and motivations, that I am NOT very patient yet with my other family members who are not alcoholics. I see them enabling the alcoholics and have a hard time keeping my mouth shut. I've invited these family members to Alanon, so (as my sponsor says), I planted the seed. My sponsor says that i can say something once, but saying it more than once is nagging. So I *try* to remember that I've already done as much as I can, and not to nag my non-alcoholic family members about going to Alanon. They are sick too - just like I was when I got here, and just like I could be again if I don't stay aware every single day.
It just occurred to me that it's easy to pray for the alcoholics, and wish they'd get sober - their problems are so obvious and glaring that it's impossible not to notice that they're sick. For some reason, even though I've been there, it's harder for me to remember that the sober family members are also suffering and sick. It's harder for me to have patience and loving tolerance of the sober ones.
Thanks so much for sharing your recovery progress with us. It's wonderful to hear how your life has improved as a result of working the steps.
The desire to control others, rather than ourselves is very strong. It can be present in so many ways. I was talking with my son, who is not an addict as far as I know, and I was expressing concern about a choice he was making. Over and over again I think that's called nagging. My son said "Just because you repeat yourself over and over again will not make me do it. I heard you the first time."
I think the same goes for those who might benefit from our program. They hear us, but it's their choice.
I think that's called nagging. My son said "Just because you repeat yourself over and over again will not make me do it. I heard you the first time."