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Hi. Haven't been in for a while. Have been very stressed both at work and home.
AH has been very ill - finally got him into hospital where they de-toxed him got him eating again, did numerous tests which all pointed to his symptoms being the result of his alcool intake (at least 1/2 bottle brandy a day). It had been feared here was "something else" going on.They kept him in for 2 1/2 weeks and I brought him home on Wednesday. He is still very thin but his colour is much better.
Today I went out to do the weekly supermarket shop. I came home to find AH in bed with a bottle of brandy beside him. He had managed to walk over to local shops. I have his credit/debit cards but he obviously had some money hidden away. After all I and the hospital staff have done for him! I am not naive - I knew it wouldn't be easy but I didn't think he would give in this soon and so easily. I grabbed it and poured it down sink in what I know is a futile gesture but felt the need to do something.
I am so furious I just had to rant at somebody/people - sorry it had to be you!
Tish I'm so sorry to hear this. The more I hear the more I am reminded of just how cunning this disease is. ugh Prayers and blessings your way and please remember to take care of you..
I'm so sorry. I was just thinking of you this morning and wondering how you were doing. I'm afraid to say I've been there, done all of that and got the t-shirt! LOL
My AH had many occassions, with serious medical consequences, where he somehow made it through detox, DT's etc. and took up again. It frustrated me so, I wanted to be HP and take back the wheel of control again. Many times I did, by denying access to his money etc. He always found a way.
Tish, another here, I think Debilynn posted a favorite saying "Drop the rock". That's what I had to do. I had to drop the burden of trying to be my AH's HP. I had to accept that he may never get freedom from the addiction, that he most likely will die from it and while he's still breathing there is hope. I surrendered my will to HP's will (very reluctantly). It meant that when my AH clearly needed medical help, I got it for him. When he spoke of wanting freedom from his addiction, I offered to get him to safe detox and rehab, I did my best to nourish him (food and vitamins). I loved him. But I put his fate in HP hands as gently as I could.
Tish, the difficulty of that is enormous. I know. We are here for you.
Yes, Tish, let me say I am in complete agreement with Rocky. We cannot be his HP. I tried and it failed. There is truth and compassion, support, and family here. Keep coming back:)
__________________
PunkyJen
Abe Lincoln said, "Most people are just as happy as they make up their minds to be."
Another favorite: "Every minute is another chance to turn it around."
It gets worse. My son, my lovely, learning disabled son who has been such a rock to me in recent weeks, has just told me there is £10 ($15.36) missing from his wallet which he keeps in a drawer by his bed. he noticed this morning (8.30 am uk time) and has just told me now (7.45pm UK time). He didn't want to worry me but it has been preying on his mind all day.
Now what?
-- Edited by Tattyhead on Saturday 17th of July 2010 01:49:05 PM
aha tish am sorry your going thru this , but this is a progressive disease and at the moment it is running his life , dumping his booze only makes him get a little sneakier and costs more money which could go to other things like a nice lunch out for yourself. My husb detoxed, felt better and he too went out and drank again ,lasted for 9 months til he was near death again and fortunatley stopped 20 yrs ago . until they say enough there is never enough . Take care of you.. and leave him to God . Tish remember an alcoholic will do and say anything to get what he needs , am sorry your son had to keep this info to himself all day but glad he told you . louise
-- Edited by abbyal on Saturday 17th of July 2010 03:33:28 PM
tattyhead, i could have written your post myself.ah steals out of my purse any chance he gets. i am also in the uk,our daughter lives in australia,when she came home a month ago,he also stole money from her. its sad,but now i dont leave my purse .or any money for him to find,now sadly our daughter will do the same,. of course being a typical a he managed to turn it around to it being my fault. i too take care of all finaces,we nearly lost our home.i have decided,i refuse to lose a dam thing because of this disease,he complains constantly about money,but tough . lots of love ollie xx
Sorry your going thru this. I can see that we are all at different stages with the A. I am separated from the A now for 2 years, mostly because of my health and I couldnt bare to live with the self destruction brought on by the A.
As I have reported the A almost died a month ago, as the drinking continued and he ruptured his esophagus and nearly bled to death. I admit I picked him up from the hospital and did some grocery shopping for him, as he has no family. He does go to AA but has made no friends except one very famous rock artist who has taken a liking to him , that is also in AA and he tries to help him and has helped many others.
We live in an area of many famous people and a lot of those people are in AA. He has had many of these artists come visit him at his apartment to encourage him, they have even read to him from the Big Book, I really think this has kept him going and alive. He always says "to think these men come to see me " it has made an impact on him. Is it enough to keep him sober? Maybe, because they really have to want to quit and when it gets to a certain level of addiction, I cant imagine how hard it is to control. As many have said, they to have a higher power. We as the spouses and family members and friends of Addicts have to come to terms with death. To realize that life is eternal and maybe their time has come to shed their sick bodies and to enter a new form and new beginning. I want to share this poem with you by Gibran;
"You would know the secret of death. But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life.? The Owl whose nite bound eyes are blind unto the day cannot unveil the mystery of light. If you would indeed behold the spirit of death, open your heart wide unto the body of life. For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one.
In the depth of your hopes and desires lies your silent knowledge of the beyond; and like seeds dreaming beneath the snow your heart dreams of spring. Trust the dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity.
Your fear of death is but the trembling of the shepherd when he stands before the King whose hand is to be laid upon him in honour.
For what is to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun? And what is it to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered. ?
Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing. And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb. And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.
-- Edited by Bettina on Sunday 18th of July 2010 02:00:41 PM
