The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
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I took it upon myself to try and take control of everything, I don't think I had many days when I wouldn't think if you hadn't done that, or this hadn't of happened I would of had a good day, after a while it went outside the home everyone was getting at me, I was at war with the world, I was wondering how I could possibly allow a person to hurt me with words,So then I thought how could I not allow them, so I began to think about myself, and what was it I was doing that was allowing myself to feel worhthless and hopeless, it didn't happen suddenly but I eventually realised I was giving people power over my feelings and I was using them also as my excuse to stay stuck, I didn't mean to, it was just something I hadn't learned not to do, and I would OVER react, blow things out of all proportion, jeez I was a knightmare, so I learnt to do nothing WOT? how does doing nothing work? Well for me it gives time for things to calm down for anger to subside, and who ever taught us you don't always have to say or do anything for you might not even know.
So my biggest revaltion so far is to calm my mind, if the chaos gets too much walk away, shut it out, go do the opposite of what I did before, I could never understand that saying you are right where you are supposed to be, but I really always am, I understand it now, I don't always like where I am, and thats ok too, but life can be as colourful or as dull as I make it, I have the biggest box of crayons and I love a splash of colour, I am decorating as I write this surrounded in chaos, I keep feeling a little over whelmed that things arn't in order, and I have had my anxiety rising reminding me it really is ok, just breath it's ok, it will only be a problem if I make one, do you get me?
I so get you ((((Katy))), espeicaly the "at war with the world" part. I have left my house in the morning, on the verge of tears, so hurt and disappointed and devastated about what was going on at home and feeling so hopeless that I proceeded to stomp through the day and take it out on everone that dared crossed my path. It got me in trouble more times than once and I even lost a promotion due to my aggressive behavior. Attempts to control what was happening at home only made it worse because after exhausting myself with that extra effort I was always doubly disappointed and crushed that it didn't work. Thanks to al-anon, I've got a brand new toolbox full of tools that I can use to fix "ME." Now that I know better, I am doing better and I am getting better every day by looking at any given situation objectively and then deciding how I will respond instead of just going on auto-pilot and joining in on the madness and making it worse.
(((Katy))) Great share and powerful awareness. I too would bring all my negtive energy and attitudes out into the world when I left my home. I was well aware of this but believed that I had no other option. I had no tools to lift these attitudes nor did I understand that I had a choice and that they could be lifted. I thought that I was being "Honest".
What a wonderful gift it was to be able to use alanon simple tools to lift this negative energy and find peace.
As I read your post I thought of what slogans helped me to have these attitudes lifted. I do believe that: Living One Day at a Time, Gratitude Lists, meetings, Focusing on Myself, Letting go and Letting God . Stopping judgement and blame were the tools that started the miracle.
I used to think how on earth can you be happy wether the alcholic is drinking or not? I had decided I could never be so I wasn't, then I thought to myself hold it we are not kojoined twins, I am separate, I had never been separate before, I was like a puppet, I was being worked by everyone but me, jeez my little puppet body was being pulled in all directions, untill you undertstand that you didn't know that you didn't know, and then you realise you know actually now you do know, then and only then things strart to change, I keep wanting to justify too, but I am knowing I am doing this now, and it's comfy slipping back into old behaviours that didn't work, note to Katy STOP IT, onwards and upwards xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Around Christmas, AH was extra overbearing and controlling. We had been fostering an SPCA dog and thing happened that we didn't agree with. He began to rant at me about it. Instead of realising the part his drinking plays in his ranting, I took it on board. Not only was I mad about his ranting, controlling, anger etc, I then was angry about this problem with dog. I shouldn't have been. I took it out on other SPCA members. I took it out on other people. Looking back I can see I have done this in many other situations. I can see more clearly - the situation with him spilled over.
I have learnt something now. It is a step in the right direction. It still happens but I am really trying.
One day at a time.
Jackie
__________________
Jackie
You never know how strong you can be until being strong is the only option you have left!
So just keep your head up and keep moving forward.
Letting go of the perception of control is so freeing. When I'm feeling overwhelmed by a situation, I realize that at least about 80% of how bad it feels is due to the way I'm thinking about it. When I let it go, there's still something bad happening, but my obsessive thinking about it was not helping. It was amplifying it and making it worse. I'm getting better at doing what I can do about bad situations, then recognizing the rest is in HP's hands and thy will be done. It's the fastest and most predictable path to feelings of serenity for me. The great thing is, that serenity feeling is so good, I like Pavlov's dog, I'm doing it more and more. I still slip, but less often now.
xxxxxxxxxxxxx