The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My exah/bf has the worst luck. When it rains, it pours with him. He was making his 1st pizza delivery last night and got a flat tire. He put on the spare and that went flat too! I picked him up & brought him back to my house so his mom could pick him up from there and he could take his tire to a friend's house to try to plug it. It of course couldn't be plugged. So now he has to buy a new tire. Arrg
While we were together last night, we did a little talking. I don't like the talking. The talking is just a pain in the butt to me. We talk about the same things over and over and yet things never really seem to change. He says we need to talk to each other when something is bothering us. I agree. But the talk is just that - talk. I don't feel like it accomplishes anything except for wearing me slam out! It makes him feel better but it does nothing for me. I guess b/c I have been in this relationship for so long that I have learned that basically he is just "all talk". When he does actually put that talk into action, it doesn't work out quite right.
On top of all of that, I don't feel like he makes good, smart decisions. For example: He has a bad back. He realized he could not do physical labor for the rest of his life and needed to find a different plan. What does he do? He quits his full time job to go to school and delivers pizzas in the evenings. What would I have done? I would have kept my full time job, try to find a less physical one to switch to. I then would have signed up for classes at night. That way I would be improving my mind while getting the classes I needed to get a better job, all the while still supporting my family and paying my bills. Now this is just one example. It is a pretty big one and is the source of the major thorn in my side & wallet right now.
He told me of another decision he is thinking of making last night. Another bad one if he goes through with it. He is thinking about quitting school all together - after he has already gone for the 1st of 2.5 years! So he figures he would quit school so he could go work for this one company doing PHYSICAL labor for 12 hours a day!! I mean, what kind of sense does that make? Sure, he would be able to catch up on child support and bills but at what cost? He will be throwing away the last year. We will both have suffered financially for no reason - he won't have accomplished his goal. My idea would be to switch to night school and find a job that is not 12 hours a day or terribly hard on the body. They are out there. They may not be the jobs you want, but they do exist!
So with him it seems to be one extreme or another, bad decisions and rotten luck. I heard a country song this morning for the first time and the guy said that he feels like his girlfriend carries his love like a burden. I realized that is kind of how I carry my exah/bf's love.....it almost feels like a burden I am bearing. I love him but what is the cost? hmmmm....... questions questions questions. Wow.
I think he has good luck, people running to his aid when ever he gets in a mess, I would be inclined to leave him be, let him grow out of his school pants and into some grown up trousers!
Not making good, smart decisions will get anybody into trouble.
But overfocusing on someone else leads is to underfocus on ourselves. My ex made terrible decisions, yet I thought my decision to stay with him was justified. It turned out that my own decision-making had some problems. I'm still struggling to make the right ones.
Aloha ((((QOD)))) it sounds like you got a flat tire!! Get to the nearest soonest face to face Al-Anon meeting and get it fixed. Staying stuck is a choice, staying stuck with justification is a sentence for life. The fellowship does work and taught me how to work it also. Flat tires are opportunities to practice the program and grow and flat spare tires re-inforce the growth like saying "keep coming back".
I just went thru what he went thru a month ago without the pizza. With the pizza I might have done the pizza first and then plugged the tires later but then... For me it isn't about luck now ever, it is about life on life's terms and how to handle that.
Thank God for the program cause the outcome I got was the best I had for what I had at that time and I'm glad I could recognize I had it rather than just blowing my world up.
You support him by listening...support yourself also.
It is so nice to see you it has been awhile. I want you to read your post. He is going to do what he wants to do no matter what you want you know this already dear friend.
If he wants to be a pizza delivery person all his life he has to learn to live on such a salary not you. If he want to break his back in construction guess what it's his back to break.
You are slipping. Get to a meeting, please. Remembe you are you and you are your own responsibility. Sounds like he is riding he pitty pot long enough. Please take care of you.
Love ya, Andrea
-- Edited by Andrea12 on Sunday 18th of July 2010 11:54:21 PM
Dear Andrea12 - I did re-read my post. Thanks for the tip. I realize I am in a rut. I don't really know what to do about it right now. I am just kind of stuck and don't want to take the necessary steps required to get unstuck. I guess I will just have to work the program and get back to where I need to be to get healthy again. - Thanks for the suggestion.
Dear tlcate - lol! I re-read it and just kept saying "Well Duh!" hahaha. Boy do I need to work the program right now. Geez. - Thanks
