The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My son has been in Rehab twice and each time he remains sober and clean for a couple of months but slides right back into his old habits. He is unable to keep a job but is currently working. He had two days off and has drank nonstop. When he drinks he tries to provoke an argument with anyone and everyone. His 27 year old brother lives with him and is fearfull of him when he drinks. I have called 911 on one occasion and had him taken in. His step-father owns the apartment and expects rent to cover the expenses for their place. How can a parent actually force their child to become homeless? I feel like I am holding onto a greased rope and slipping off quickly. I have not been to a meeting yet but would love to go but time is an issue as I currently take him to and from work.
My 39 year old A son was living next door to me also. I finally got him out 2 weeks ago. Thankfully, he has a girlfriend that has a home of her own. I don't think I could have put him out on the streets with no place to go. He is on unemployment now but has child support expenses so I didn't push for rent. I have told him that if it doesn't work out with the girlfriend he is not coming back. I hope I can stick with that boundary.
I don't know what I can share with you to help with the situation. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. Try to get involved as much as you can with Alanon. That will help immensely. Also, the tool of detachment is a great help when you can apply it to your life..Staying out of the A's business is very hard when they live so close but it helps to not know what is going on in their life as much as possible. I stopped asking questions that I already knew the answers to.
you came to the right place, there will be people come along shortly who can offer you esh, experience, strength, and hope, just keep coming back and reading as much as you can, remember the three c's , you didn't cause it, you can't cure it, and You can't change it, another great slogan:-
???????? help me to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.
I appreciate newbies coming here too, serves me well to remember how far I have come, and can still go back if I don't keep coming here, learning and relearning practising, and speaking out loud over and over if only to get it through my own thick head, it really does work if you work it!
Aloha GVG...Wow the membership has stepped up for you. You are not alone. Detaching isn't abandonment and as long as your son has his will and his mind the entire consquences should be his. All you do doesn't work. When he does something different (and he knows this little secret already) he will get something different. Because he is exercising his own choices you haven't got a snowballs chance in a new microwave oven. Even God cannot help unless he stops and surrenders and reaches out to his own higher power for help. He already knows from rehab some keys to sobriety. For today he chooses to let alcohol do his thinking...not a good, healthy choice; mind, body, spirit and emotions.
Letting go is a powerful tool to learn and you can learn it from the ladies who have stepped for you here and the rest of the fellowship and from the face to face meetings of the Al-Anon Family Groups. I know that one from experience.
"Can a mother really turn her back on her son"? It depends on what qualifies as "help," doesn't it? If rescuing them from the natural consequences of their actions lets them become sicker and sicker, is rescuing them really "help"? Sometimes I think we don't do it for them; we do it so we don't have to feel our own panic and grief. But until they hit bottom, they won't decide to turn their lives around. So putting a soft cushion down isn't doing them any favors -- it's just doing us favors. It's hard to get one's mind around. But if rescuing them helped them get better, they'd be better by now, wouldn't they?
There is so much wisdom on these posts. Sure has given me a lot to think about and try to practice. I know I cannot fix his problems or prevent them but I just cannot imagine him living on the street. Thanks for the support. I keep reading and learning.
