The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I did not hear from my exah/bf all day yesterday. He did not go to school. I know this b/c mid-morning my son told me he was still at the house. You see, we do not live together. He lives w/his grandma. We were supposed to spend all day Sunday together as a family and he was a no show. I texted him several times and finally called him to see what he was going to do and he said he was just laying around all day watching soccer. I am like ARRGG!!
Finally at 7:00, he texts me & said he was on his way over to pick up some his things I had in my car from the previous day. So he shows up, kicks back in the recliner & half dozes off for the next couple of hours. He knows I go to bed @ 9:00 and put our daughter to bed too. So as I was tucking her in, he moved from the recliner to the couch, laying down w/remote in hand. This let me know he was settling in for the night. Another peeve of mine! I do not like the tv to be on after bed time. The way my house is set up, I feel like the living room tv is right beside my bed! I cannot sleep with the tv on. He knows this! So I waited for him to drift off to sleep & then I turned the tv volume way down......the tv stayed on all night! Yet another peeve.
I woke him up several times Monday morning before I left for work to ask him if he needed to get ready for school & he said he was going in late. School is from 8-1...so when my son said he was still at the house @ 11, I knew he wasn't going at all. When I got home from work, he was gone. One of his items from my car that was sitting outside so he could load it up had been moved to under my deck. ARRGG. I didn't hear from him all day long or all evening until his text at 9:45 last night! 9:45 people! Did I mention that I go to bed @ 9:00. Did I mention that he knows this, he talks about it all the time, he points out that he can tell I am shutting down when 9:00 approaches. So why is he texting me at 9:45?
I chose to ignore the text. I knew exactly how the night was going to go if I answered. His text was about how much child support money he owes me now. What could my response have possibly been? "yep", "I know", "no problem"??? No matter the response, it would have drawn us into an hour long texting war that I was not in any mood for. So, I turned the volume of my phone off & went back to sleep. - No word from him today.
It is time for me to move passed this relationship. I don't see it moving forward. It is just stagnet, going no where.
Ignoring his text was probably the best thing to do. Knowing how you would react if you did send back a text, it was best that you did nothing and got a good night sleep!
QOD...you should have a management or employment contract at least with him. Maybe getting some kind of better payoff would help justify the work. God when I found out when I was doing my management thingy with my alcoholic wife and that the pay off was insanity?...I quit the job. I had to fire myself because not even my alcoholic had agreed that I needed the work.
Write up a contract and then...tear it up and trash it. Don't show it to him before hand...not required and a trouble accelerator.
WEll, you know the saying, Nothing changes , if nothing changes.
Sounds to me like you just tolerate him for whatever reason only you know, because he is the Father of your children? Because he brings such sunshine to your life. He sounds like a chore, like all alcoholics.
Only you can answer your question about getting passed the relationship. Remember, he will always be the Father of your children(not clear if he is Father of both) and you will always have to deal with him on some kind of level.
Its been my experience to try and work past our grudges. and resentments. Just moving on wont solve that, you still will have to work on it.
Just being silent when they are pushing are buttons and we are screaming inside, means we still havent worked out the resentments and grudges, I know, sometimes I couldnt stand it if the A was breathing a little bit harder. As long as we focus on the A, we are not doing for ourselves. Keep coming back, it works if you work it.
