The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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I need to apologize for yesterday to my husband of almost 11 years! Yesterday I was awful & kept calling him a MORON for pretty much nothing; although I have to admit he was acting kinda stupid! I really just called him a moron under my breath; basically to myself. What's up with that? I didn't even actually say it to him & I feel "guilty". I treated him like dirt after I finally went to church with him alone. Usually we have my mom take us, but she is in CA on vacation. How does this all connect? I pushed him to get ready, we were late but no harm no fowl.
I can really be a B but I never admit it! I need help with my anger & fowl mouth, too. I guess I mentioned this to y'all recently. Not much has changed except I do it less often--progress not perfection, I guess. Blah blah blah. I am such a liar too. maybe I will quit lying to others & to myself most of all. Many people are praying for me. I need prayer & pray constantly for direction & guidance.
So, Saturday is my 11 th annivesary. I barely made it to 9 with a lot of help from HP. We are so blessed with a second chance after a separation in 2006. I am so grateful for all the support I got during that difficult time & when the odds were sometimes against us. He went out big-time & ended up in a psych facility three times in 4 mos. Long story short; he survived & so did I!
So, there are not PM today. I am blessed & grateful still.
Wow Kath!! Gratitude around the table big time!! Just an old lesson I found laying around from my journey here? I was taught this one by a former sponsor (what in the hell would I have done without one of those??!!). "If I can use the excuse of doing the best I could with what I had to justify how I responded and reacted to some alcoholic event why can I not offer the same grace to and for my alcoholic when I was in judgement and wanting my sorry expectations to be met." Learn mercy and grace and how to give the unconditional acceptance that my HP gives to me. ooooops who took my pedestal?? Another one is "love cannot exist without some dimension of justice". I used to work with NASA and that last one was simple rocket science at the time. You can't give what you haven't got or are unwilling to give in return. You cannot get what you won't give. All found within the first 12 steps on how to launch your recovery rocket. LOL
Be gentle with him and with yourself...It's a HP thing. (((((hugs)))))
Brave awareness and acceptance can and will be followed by different action. Maybe HP has blessed you with this awareness. I think I have shared previously here that one day I came home, saw my active AH sitting on a chair and said in a snide tone "So I suppose you've been drinking!". Then I turned to my cat and said in my sweetest voice, "Hello Midnight, your such a good girl, and I scratched her under the chin". I looked at my AH and saw deep sadness in his eyes. My HP said, you treat your cat better than your husband. I was devastated by the realization. I then turned to my husband and said, "You know what? I think I treat my cat better than you and I'm sorry." Then I said " Hi sweety! You've been such a good man today!" Then scratched him under the chin. We were so shocked by my wild behavior, we fell about the floor laughing hysterically after it. But I'm certain HP helped me see that I was treating my AH as less than a child of God. It was a turning point in my recovery. I still feel ashamed of my behavior before that day. My AH has forgiven me for it, I'm yet to forgive myself.
Wow ! Your post sure hit home for me My son is an addict. He is a kind gentle person high or sober. But in my frustration in dealing with him I have said things no mother should say to her child. He never fought back, just took it. Finally one day I was screaming at him, jumped up in his face, eye to eye.... and the incredible pain I saw in his eyes stopped me cold. All i could do was walk away and try to process what I had just seen. I had taken his addiction very personally, as though he was doing this on purpose to make me suffer that day I realized he wasn't doing anything intentional "to me" he was hurting so deeply somehwere deep inside himself he couldn't face life on life's terms and escaped into the world of drugs to forget his pain. And my actions only added fuel to the fire made him feel even more worthless than he already thought he was. I went to my room and cried my eyes out and prayed to HP for forgivness for my actions. Then when my son was sober I cried again and asked his forgivness. My behavior was completly unaccpetable and hurtful and damaging. That day I developt compassion. Compassion I had never shown any of the other A's in my life and I have many. I stopped taking it personally. I am still so ashamed at my behavior, I had become a person I didn't even know anymore. Thank God for Alanon Blessings to you
