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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Made an amends
Post Info TOPIC: Made an amends
nmike


~*Service Worker*~

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Made an amends
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I finished my 4th step inventory awhile back. I didn't quite know how to make an amends. The two people whom I have terrible relationships with are my mother and my AHsober (who left). How could I make an amends when I blame them for all my troubles.

I have been staying with my mother short term while I work this summer. Somehow I knew that I would never make progress in my recovery program if I didn't tackle this big amends. So my HP must have heard me because last night the  conversation opened up to questions that I asked my mother. We talked alot about her life with my A father. I asked her why she is angry at me; we just don't get along. I asked what I needed to make an amends for. She mentioned some past issues particularly when I was in high school. I just told her that I was sorry and wanted to make an amends.

She received my amends. Our conversation ended amicably. It never does but this felt different. I don't know that we will ever really be that close. I told her that I was devastated by my AHsober leaving and wanting a divorce. I told her that he doesn't treat me that well. She was sympathetic I think because of her history with my father.

What a relief for me to continue in my recovery program. This is just a start. I hope to have the same clarity with my AHsober.

Thanks for listening,

Nancy

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Rocky38


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Nancy,

Thanks so much for posting this. I needed to read it today.

I have one amends on my amends list that I haven't been truly ready to deliver - to my son. I'm frightened to death of what he will say. I'm even more concerned that I will be able to deliver the amends without getting hysterical or something like that.

I'm not sure when I will get to do it, but it's so good to hear of another's experience in delivering a tough amends. Way to go lady!

Hugs, Rocky

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There is a God. I am not He.
hotrod


~*Service Worker*~

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Dear Nancy

Thank you for  your powerful share.  HP somehow does make the way when the time is right for an amend.

Thanks for the reminder tht the amend is to clear my side of the street

I appreciate your sharing this journey



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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
punkydoodah


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You were so brave. Good for you. I am glad she received it well. It's at least a start for you and your mom.

Courage~~ take courage.

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PunkyJen

Abe Lincoln said, "Most people are just as happy as they make up their minds to be."

Another favorite:  "Every minute is another chance to turn it around."
canadianguy


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Good for you Nancy... the coolest thing about amends is..... even if she chooses not to accept them..... they still do YOU a heckuva lot of good, and you feel way better once you have made them..... go figure...  :)

Take care
Tom



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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

"What you think of me is none of my business"

"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"

 

 

 

 
xeno59


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That was awesome ! I hope to do my fourth step soon but frankly it is scaring me the more I look at it and myself.
My biggest amend will have to be to my daughter, so kinda opposite of you and I pray it is recieved as well as your amend was
I had severe depression ( diagosed with PTSD) at the same time my son was sinking into his addiction. I mean the kind of depression where I wouldn't leave my bed for days and ended up that I didn't leave my house for a year ( not even to the mailbox). I was so wrapped up in my own mind I have no will or strenght to do anything about my sons drug use.
My daughter moved back home for a few months and in her mind I think she felt she could try and "fix" things. Of course she couldn't, When she moved out she vowed never to return. And she is serious. The mother she always knew as a strong, confident take control type person became a mother she didn't recognize anymore. She blames me for the family falling apart so to speak. And although I have overcome much of what I was going through and have tried to speak to her a bit about alanon she is having non of it.
She will see us once in a while but always on her terms not ours. And spends holidays an such with friends. We have come a little ways in reconnecting with her but she is pushing back hard still.
So I will do my amends to her in writing so it will give her time to go over it and think about it as I know if I do it in person she will shut down completely. This way she can take her time and decide wether she will accept my amends and when she will accept them if ever.
I have some ammeds to my son ( even though he is my A) but I have many more to make to him also.
Anyway kudos on your courage and I am glad it was well recieved
Blessings

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