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Had a few people asking me to repost this story so here ya go!
I had been coming to Al-anon meetings six months at the time my wife and I separated and she filed for a divorce. It was the lowest point of my life. My wife had been going to AA for over a year, and though I had hoped that we would be able to heal together and preserve our marriage, she made the choice to leave.
Without my newfound Al-Anon family, I am not sure if I would have survived this time.
Over the next weeks, we had occasions where we had to meet to discuss the terms of the "settlement" of our possessions. I felt so horrible at these meetings and was barely able to face her because I felt so much hurt, resentment and anger. The meetings were not productive because I wasn't able to check my emotions and communicate reasonably.
While discussing this with an Al-anon friend from MIP, she mentioned she had a friend who carried a small stone with the name of her home group on it as a reminder that she was never really alone. I liked the idea of a physical reminder of my group to carry with me. Actually being able to "see" them there with me, but wanted to use something other than a stone. My friend and I often discuss home improvement projects, so she suggested I carry a small screw with me instead. I loved the idea!
I chose an inch long silver flat head screw, and carried it to the next meeting with my wife and her lawyer. We sat around a table, and I set the screw standing up in front of me on the table. I am sure they did not know what to think of the screw but it worked beautifully for me. As we discussed things, whenever I would start to feel my emotions taking control of me, I would glance at my screw and think of my friends and feel calmer. At one point my wife bumped against the table and knocked the screw over, and apologized! It was all I could do not to laugh as I just calmly stood my screw back up. I made it through that meeting, and when it was over we had agreed on the terms of our divorce. I was even able to wish her a happy birthday as we parted.
The next big event for the screw and I was at the courthouse on the day the divorce was to be finalized. My wife chose not to be in attendance. We were not required to be there, but I felt I had to be there for the end and to make sure nothing changed from what we had agreed on.
As I stood before the judge, her lawyer read off various statements. I drew strength from my screw which I held in my left hand. However, trouble began with the screw when I began fiddling with it, and it caught the attention of the bailiff on duty! In the middle of the proceedings, he walked over to me and asked me for the screw! I was momentarily confused, and I asked him, "You want my screw? I need my screw!" But he was firm! He held his hand out to me for my screw. Reluctantly, I handed it over. It never occurred to me someone might see my little screw as a potential weapon! There I stood, full of all of these emotions; shame at the end of my marriage, grief, loss, and fear of what the future would bring and I stood there now... screwless. As the Judge announces that on this day my marriage is over, while I am profoundly sad, I am at the same time chuckling to myself about the screw.
Not quite ready to give up on my screw, when court is over, I walk over to the bailiff to see if I can get the screw back now that I am leaving. He just shakes his head no. I ask if he can meet me outside where he can give it to me, but he just stands impassively and does not anwer. Finally a woman who is the court reporter tells me, "Sir, the screw is now the property of the County." I smile at her and walk out of the room.
Thanks to the suggestion of a fellow Al-anon member I was able to get through some of the hardest events of my life knowing that my Al-anon family was there with me, lending me their strength and hope for the future...and with a wonderful bit of inside humor that kept me going when I needed it the most.
I had requests from friends for a screw, so I gave a few to people from MIP. One such recipient had her own "Screw Incident" when she tried to go through airport metal dedector with the screw in her purse. Questions were asked!!!! She was eventually allowed to keep her screw however!
Thanks David. I use things like that to get me through events. I have a miniature skateboard that reminds me of my sons. I take it everywhere. Especially during difficult times.
Thank you so much David. I remember going to court for the last time for the divorce and custody agreement. It was scary to have to walk into that room and I didn't have a screw. I did say the serenity prayer over and over before I walked into the courthouse. It helped me a lot.
P.S. David, I just got to thinking about something I could use as a "Screw" symbol. Do you remember DE? You and he and many other mip's were here when I first came . As you may recall, we had a thread going in chat about the frogs at his place? Later I was on a vacation and got a tiny glass frog which I brought home and glued to the top of my laptop as a reminder of how sweet everyone was to me as a newbie to online alanon, and to make me smile about how good it was to get silly, not to mention all the kindness and concern given to me.
Well....maybe I could carry this lil frog with me, or find another one that's more mobile. :)
She was eventually allowed to keep her screw however! 
