The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I went to the online meeting tonight (6pm PDT) and it was good topics. Feeling alone and trusting HP and detaching---all topics I could really relate to.
I have doubted HP lately.
So much pain and grief right now.
Dental work, expenses, issues with my roommate/best friend, marital issues, physical and psychological pain. Loss. Still dealing with bereavement (lost my aunt last year to cancer).
So I still wonder if a "God" is punishing me for something I did. Esp. when I experience pleasure of any kind. Esp. s*xual pleasure.
i want so badly to trust a good, loving force in the Universe that is taking care of me. I can have whatever HP I want in Alanon. But I still wonder if it's the "right" HP.
I still feel alone, even with ppl loving me. And it's because I feel undeserving and unlovable. And that makes it hard for me to reach out.
Detaching. Yes, I want to do everything for everyone, esp. for someone I care about. I am very limited. And when I do try to do things, I feel like I always fail.
(((Carol Lynn))) I think most of us have felt like that at some point. The last episode of my AH drinking was a low point for me. I did alot of reading on the subjects of self help. After much reading and self analysis, I began to feel better about myself. I also post stickers inside my bathroom cupboard so I can read them every day as a reminder. I change them once a month. This month, the saying is "self worth is a CHOICE, not a birth right". I read it every day as a reminder that I AM worthy. I also try to do something nice for some one every day. It is a simple pleasure for the person receiving but also a gift for me because it makes me feel so good. I believe that I am never truly alone. I believe that my Mom (who passed a few months ago) and my Dad who passed 10 years ago are around, looking out for me, also my HP is ALWAYS with me. How could I be lonely? My Grandma used to always say "and this too, shall pass." I remind myself of that when feeling overwhelmed. I also believe that everything happens for a reason. Maybe there is a lesson to learned from all this for you. Maybe your HP is trying to teach you something important that will help you along the way. And remember, you ARE deserving and lovable, we ALL are. Peace.
Sorry your feeling so overwhelmed, it can happen when so many things seem to be going wrong.
God is different things to different people. I don't believe in a God that watches over everything . I choose to call it the Universal Law.... So its difficult to answer a God question. I believe in Negative and positive and what you believe becomes who you are. So I really believe that Alanon will get you on a more positive vibe where your taking the right kind of action for your life that will bring you more happiness, what everyone deserves.
Its combining the right action with the HP, a balance of our lives. Wishing you strength and courage and wisdom.
I watched a program on TV and someone thiere talked about God seeing people as ants, not judging any of them as good or bad cause they are all alike in the important things.
My Grandma used to always say "and this too, shall pass." I remind myself of that when feeling overwhelmed. I also believe that everything happens for a reason. Maybe there is a lesson to learned from all this for you. Maybe your HP is trying to teach you something important that will help you along the way. And remember, you ARE deserving and lovable, we ALL are. Peace.