This is my first post.. - Al-Anon Family Group

geebee · Newbie

This is my first post..

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha GeeBee and welcome to MIP. Now it is your turn to get help and support. It
really is okay and best to stop and turn around and say "Please help me" which is
what I did and I got more help than I could ever have imagined.

First things first? Look in the white pages for the hotline number for Al-Anon in your
district. Call that number for the meeting places and times and get to the face to
face meetings of Al-Anon as quickly as you can. When there get as much literature
(they will have a newcomers packet for you pretty sure) and read it all. Sit down and
listen to the membership shares especially the old timers (winners) and after the
meeting is over stick around and talk with them and get a meeting list for what
is available for you.

What you did was good and called reasonable boundaries with the alcoholic. If you
don't have them both you and he will tramble all over whatever boundaries to your
sanity you have and then crazies follow. Keep coming back here. You will soon get
tons of support from othes. In support ((((hugs)))) smile

Katy · ~*Service Worker*~

Geebee hello and welcome, this is your first step to helping you, hearts rarely break, but they do and can become very heavy at times, and that's ok, And it really is ok to let go of him, by doing so you are letting natural causes help him, and leaving yourself free to look after you,So glad you are here, keep coming back, and be proud of you, I am, you done exactly the right thing!

Katy

x

Rocky38 · Senior Member

Hi GeeBee,

Welcome to our group and glad you have reached out for help. Sometimes we think the alcoholic in our life is ready to accept help, but when you find yourself "rearranging the deck chairs on the titanic" it becomes clear they are not ready. So what can you do? Step out of the way of their consequences.

If you're like many of us here, it's hard to step back because we have many years, even a lifetime, of swooping in to help. For me, working on my own 12 step program helped me, over time, to detach with love from my alcoholic husband. It was a process, sometimes I did great, sometimes I fell back into old behaviors. But the great thing was that along the way I found myself coping better and better with the insanity. The program does not eliminate the pain of watching our loved ones suffer from their addiction, resistance to help and everything that follows, but it does help us conduct our lives in a more sane way. Even find inner peace whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not.

The last thing I wanted to share is that I learned after many years of my own enabling/saving behavior, I was getting between my alcoholic husband and his bottom to find, embrace and cling to recovery. I was getting in the way of him standing on his own two feet.

Please keep coming back and share your journey,

Hugs, Rocky

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

(((Geebee)))

I would just like to add my welcome to this wonderful Board and to alanon.

Alcoholism is a terrible disease and when it develops in a loved one it is extremely [painful for the entire family. ) Trying to deal with this disease unaided makes us extremely ill and that is why alanon and this Board exist.

You did not cause this disease , you cannot control this disease and you cannot cure it. In order for you to have some piece of mind and know how to take care of your life, please break the isolation and keep coming here and sharing. You can also connect with others who understand as few others can by attending on line meetings held here and better yet look for face to face meeting in your area. They can be found by looking in the white pages of the telephone book.

We have wonderful literature for you to read and simple tools that can help a "broken heart". Here is a web site that has some simple tools that can help you live with this one day at a time.

http://www.qis.net/~alanon/literature/justfortoday.php

Please keep coming back

alanonicScotland · Veteran Member

Hi,
Your post brings to mind issues that come up for me in my work and own recovery as an AlAnonic people addict. I've observed a lot of suffering among men and experienced this as a male in our society - and whenever my Mom (who is/could be a qualifier) tred to jump in, it only made things worse.

Maybe he needs to go away for a while to bottom out and get into recovery in a viable way. He has a higher power, as do I/we all.

When my heart has been breaking in the past I've learned through recovery in several fellowships that a lot of it had to do with what I was choosing to allow to break it. 'What's my part in it' - comes to mind. Not to say you or I are to 'blame' for anyone else's drinking - that's false. But we all play a part in it.

One of the most valuable tools in recovery I've found is the 'Acoholism" The MErry Go Round' pamphlet, in AA and Al Anon - it might be helpful for you.

peace.

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

Hello and welcome , please find a meeting for yourself u need support . I know this is hard but remember that an alcoholic will do and say anything to get us off thier back , they make promises I believe they mean at the time but this disease just won't let go .. without help. It really is a blessing that he is moving away you wont have to watch him drink .. until we stop enabling , nothing will change for them ,we have to stop doing for them what they should be doing for themselves . Take care of you .. and detach with love from your son . hate the disease love the man .. you don't have to do this alone please find a meeting for you .. come to our meetings on this site they will help too . hope to see u there . Louise
1-888-4alanon is a toll free international help line , they will give u a contact or address of nearest meetings in your area lines are open from 8am - pm eastern time , mon -friday

-- Edited by abbyal on Monday 5th of July 2010 03:12:28 PM

GailMichelle · ~*Service Worker*~

Like others on this board, I'd like to give you a warm welcome!

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.