I am in hell and don't know if I'll ever come out - Al-Anon Family Group

minawillie · Member

I am in hell and don't know if I'll ever come out

nal · Senior Member

((Robin)),

I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you are able to find comfort; there are a lot of knowledgeable people here.

Nancy

bud · ~*Service Worker*~

((((Minawillie)))))

Welcome!

My heart goes out to you. Loving an active addict is one of the most difficult and painful life experiences, as they can't seem to help but live with destructive patterns. Your Mom reached out to you from love, and, she knew that you loved her. I believe that God allows her to also know that now that she is with him.

I do hope that you'll keep coming back and find that miracles do happen by working the alanon program.

I don't have the right words, but you have my heartfelt prayers.

freeagain · Veteran Member

I am so sorry for your loss (((((mina))))))

I totally understand the feeling of the air being thick. I felt like I wanted to literally crawl out of my skin.

The sudden finality of death is astounding and all encompassing.

But it does lighten with time. It truly does. I promise you. Grief is not easy. It is the worst experience of my life and for whatever reason, I seem to have to keep doing it (lots of deaths in my life) I lost a parent, a child, a best friend...all in the span of 3 years.

Please, put on foot in front of the other, cry, scream, laugh...do whatever it is you need to do. Now, your mom is holding you like she couldn't in real life. She is there with her arms around you...try to find comfort in that.

It was explained to me that our loved ones go to a place where they are now pure love. That is all they feel and all they give. That really helped me with the idea of the things I had left unsaid...they know, they know we love them and they love us.

Kiss your baby and know you are loved.

Christy · ~*Service Worker*~

minawillie,

So sorry..I wish you love and strength.
As freeagain said so well, time will help. You never really get over it, but rather learn to live with it. Your sisters and brothers in Alanon will help you through it and lend an ear when you need it..
Have you checked out the chatroom yet or the online meetings? Join us!!

(((hugs)))
Christy

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Dear Robin,

I am so very sorry for your pain and loss. This terrible disease has also touched my life in the same manner. I lost my 41 year of old son to this disease 3 years ago. He had been sober in AA for over 13 years but relapsed and passed away like your mom.

I can assure you that the terrible pain has been replaced by a deep sadness and each day I think of him with love and remember many of the warm memories we shared.

You and your family will be in my prayers. PLease keep coming here and sharing and know you are not alone.

-- Edited by hotrod on Friday 2nd of July 2010 11:28:21 PM

Jennifer · ~*Service Worker*~

((Robin))

I'm sorry for your loss. You and your mom are in my prayers. I wish you moments of peace.

Jen

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

(((((Robin)))))...Aloha and Auwe that is tough and hard. Go ahead and grieve and
feel sad and mad and when you can celebrate the good stuff when you find it. My
heart is with you...my spouse just went thru the loss of her mother and a friend just
lost his ex-mother-in-law also. Death is normal and it isn't easy to abide with. I
feel for you and am in support along with the others here. That is how you go thru
this...with us in support, not alone. I would suggest finding Al-Anon meetings in
your area and get to the first one you can and to the literature table and then to
the discussion table so that you can hear and learn that you are not alone with
this. The God of your understanding more than likely directed you hear. If there
is one thing the family of MIP knows about it is how alcoholism affected our lives
deeply and how we learned how to get our lives back again and find happiness.

Alcoholism is a fatal disease if not arrested by total abstinence and sometimes
death is how the alcoholic finds total abstinence. The family will go on and I hope
you and the rest of the family find Al-Anon in your area and attend either as a
family or individually.

In time "This too will pass" (one of our slogans) and I hope you find understanding
and peace with it.

Yours in love and service (((((hugs))))) smile

Katy · ~*Service Worker*~

Dear Minawillie,

I am so sorry for your loss, and the things that your are feeling right now are all ok and part of the cycle of the loss and grief when we lose someone we love, it takes time to come to terms with and it is a very painful process, your not alone though, because you have reached out and shared with this family, a family that can understand like maybe few can, and in time your pain will lessen, and you will carry your mother safely in your heart and your memories where ever you go, I like to think that a higher power gently wrapped his arms around my loved ones when he knew their time on earth was done, and took them to a heaven of peace and safety that they could not find on earth!

Much Love to you keep coming back x

Katy

x

Bettina · ~*Service Worker*~

Sorry for your loss Mina,

I know that this may be hard to understand at this time, but life is eternal. We never die....

In order to understand life we must understand death, they are the same. Your Mother's energy will always be in the universe. Our lives are never destroyed, we go on.

Your Mom is not feeling the pain of living with addiction, be happy for her.

Keep coming back Mini, we want to hear from you and help in anyway we can.

Luv Bettina

Andrea12 · ~*Service Worker*~

(((((((((((Robin)))))))))))))),

I am so very sorry for your loss and the pain you are in right now. Please know you are not alone and everything you are feeling is normal.

I lost my husband of 22 yrs 3 years ago this month to this disease. It does get easier, it just takes much time.

It took me almost 3 years to accept it is what it is. Try to focus on the good times. Remember this was her way of life. The greiving process is a long journey and I will keep you in my prayers.

With Hope,
Andrea

Ness · ~*Service Worker*~

((((Robin)))) sincerest condolences on the loss of your Mum. Im glad you have found MIP. Understanding, experience, strength and hope are here for you. Please keep coming back.

Ness x

maresie · ~*Service Worker*~

I am so sorry to hear of your pain. Many of us have lost loved ones to this disease. I know that al anon has helped me tremendously with the grief rage and confusion around this. I hope you will reach out for support. There may be grief support groups in your area. I know from experience many people do not have perfect families so I do know you will not be alone there.

I hope you will give this group a chance to get to know you. This is certainly a safe, warm embracing place for you to come.

Welcome.

Maresie.

minawillie · Member

Thank you for all of your replies. I can't tell you how much this helped. Although I still feel devestated it has helped immensely to know that I am not alone. A recovering alcoholic myself, I understand the disease intimately and I only thank God for sparing me from it's terminal grasp. I have been sober 3 years and I know my mom is somewhere smiling at me, proud. I like the thought that she now has her arms around me.
Thank you, thank you all so so much. I can't tell you how much this helped. I will keep coming back and I will also look for local meetings.
I send thoughts of peace and serenity to each and every one of you as well.
Best,
Robin

Diva · ~*Service Worker*~

I perfectly well understand your despair and sadness. Someone you truly loved is gone, and both your body and mind must go through the process of dealing with the grief. All the feelings you are experiencing are quite normal. Allow yourself to accept that you are desolate without your mom, and one day the memories of her that bring your tears will begin to bring you smiles instead. When this happens (and it will) you will know that you are succeeding in putting your mom and her passing into perspective.

I send you all good wishes and positive thoughts and energy. Please don't be hard on yourself. Your mom would not want you to do that.

Sincerely,

Diva

White Rabbit · ~*Service Worker*~

Robin,

I am so very sorry for your loss. I hope that you will keep coming back and let us get to know you. I am praying for you and for your family.

Summer

Holly09 · Veteran Member

I too am so sorry for your loss, my heart breaks for you. Over time it will get better, you have to go through the emotions first let yourself feel what you feel and lean on your friends and family. Keep coming back my thoughts and prayers are with you (((HUGS))) Holly

xeno59 · ~*Service Worker*~

I am very sorry for your loss. I lost my mother many years ago and despite what you are feeling right now I assure you it does get easier. Sounds like you are feeling alot of guilt for not telling your mom you loved her. I can assure you she knew you loved her not by the words you said but by the simpliest fact that you called her to check on her.
My brother is a recoverying herioin addict. He has been clean 13 years, he found a lovely woman that he married ( his first healthy relationship) and they have a beautiful 11yr old son. The catch here is after he got recovery he was diagonsed with HepC. They have tried everything except a liver transplant with no result. So he lives with his death sentence and still works his program. He is in the end stages now and no one can tell how much time he has left but it's not much. And the thought of losing him puts me in a state of grief everyday. We live hundreds of miles apart so I see him so infrequently and I feel guilty about that. He asked us to move back close to him so he could spend as much time with his family as he can but that isn't possible for me to do right now... so again with the guilt.
This disease takes no prisoners and leaves such collateral damage it sickens me.
But please take solace in the fact you did stay in touch with your mother and through your actions she knew she was loved.
May God Bless you and your family during this time
Please get to yourself to some alanon meetings face to face or here on line and let us help you work through your feelings

ditto · Senior Member

I am so sorry you are grieving the loss of your mother. Here is an on line grief support group. They also have a chat room where you will find much support and understanding.

http://www.groww.org/

minawillie · Member

Thanks again to everyone for your kind words. And thank you, Ditto, for the link. I will be visiting it regularly as I work through this.
Thanks and blessings,
R

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.