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Had a great f2f meeting last night, and twice now in less than a week, I've heard the garden analogy used with keeping on top of character defects.
10th step work is like tending a garden regularly - pulling the weeds when they're small before they take root and take over and turn into a huge ordeal to get rid of. 4th step work is like coming to a neglected garden for the first time and needing to spend a good deal of time working all the weeds out.
Last night's meeting was a meditation meeting, so after the garden analogy had been read from "As We Understood", we all sat in meditative silence for 7 minutes, and I started thinking about how the garden analogy applied to my own life. I hear it loud and clear - its been presented to me a couple times now, so perhaps my HP has something I need to see.
So the first thing that came to mind was the changes I'm going through in my life, most notably my divorce. I had a silly thought for a moment that my marriage was a big gnarly weed I'd recently pulled, most specifically my AH. But then I thought about that some more and admitted to myself, no - neither my relationship nor my husband are a character defect, and the analogy compares weeds with character defects. Of course it draws laughs to say out loud "No, my husband is not a character defect."
It was funny thinking of my AH as a weed, but that doesn't apply.
So then I thought about it some more, thinking of gardens and then it dawned on me that perhaps my relationship with my AH was like my attempting to plant a bush that required lots of water and acidic soil in a garden that would better suit other kinds of plants. I spent tons of time trying to make that bush work in that inappropriate environment for it. I kept focusing on it, meanwhile neglecting the rest of the plants in my garden because I figured they weren't as important to me as this other plant. So weeds have cropped up all over the rest of the garden while I struggle to get this plant to be happy in conditions its not built for.
I've finally stopped trying to force that plant - my marriage - to work and have admitted that it's just not right. I've let go and let God. And now I get to turn around and examine the rest of my garden - time to pull all those nasty weeds I allowed to get out of control while I tried to cultivate the wrong plant. There are some healthy plants in there, among all those weeds, that need to be rescued so they can thrive - and now I can start to find some appreciation for those plants that DO grow well in the particular environment I have to offer.
So that's what my 4th step is really going to be about for me while I'm going through this divorce and moving on with my life. I've really been neglecting doing my 4th step work, and I heard my HP loud and clear that it's time I get crackin'.
Aloha Sis...I would suggest that you send this share to the Forum Magazine...it is that good a metaphor for the 4th and 10th and the perception process. Gonna do it? Service from another angle. (((((hugs)))))
Thanks for the image of trying to make the wrong plant grow in a place that is better suited for other plants.
I haven't posted on here for a couple of months but I am still working through the letting go of my ex-AB. I haven't officially started on my steps but I think I am ready to do that!
