The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am new. I have never needed help. I always thought I was strong. I am a strong Christian and feel like I am living in an oppressed environment. I was married to a pastor and after 4 children and a cute secretary, he left us. I remarried 5 years later to a man who had quit smoking weed one year earlier and vowed he was done. He was sober for 10 years and now for the last 4 has slowly increased his usage. He says it is the stress of the kids and me. He argues that everyone does it and that I need to relax. Our relationship has suffered deeply because the passion is gone because I have no desire to sleep with him when he's been high. He has his "smoking" friends and I have my friends. I want to leave but don't have the guts and I feel he should leave becasue this is my house too. He never would. what in the world do I do?
You are very clear that you don't know what to do. So the first step is to educate yourself.Al Anon is perfect for you.
You can go to the frequently asked questions to get a site that will help you find a meeting near you.Meetings are great. You will find your situation is not new in the world of addiction.
We learn to be strong in ourselves. Helps us to think clearer about our situations. The support you can get here is amazing. These people are sharing some very intimate things i their lives,me included.
It is good to take a breath, and give the decision making a rest. For now you don't know, but you are working at knowing.
Leaving or having him leave is a huge decision.
If you have your kids with you in this house, he has illegal drugs there. It puts all of you in jeopardy. What always helped was the mom bear in me. My kids, I protected them.
Aloha Kate and welcome to the board. You are in the right place and have even told the very usual story which has been told so many times here (scroll back on past entries of other newcomers or read the experiences of the oldtimers)before. Stick around and read and listen to the suggestions such as...find local Al-Anon meetings in your area and check for places and times we meet and go to the first one you can get to. When you go get as much literature as you can about addiction...the word alcoholism can be very easily translated into drugging or dopping, and sit down, listen, learn and keep going back as often as you can for the next 90 days. Al-Anon is a spiritually based, step and tradition recovery program for the spouses, family and friends of alcoholics and other chemical addictions. You will fit in and it has answers you need to hear. Keep coming back here often as this is a major personal miracle working site. There are tons of miracles here ready to help and support you. (((((hugs)))))
Welcome to the MIP family. Here you will find great experience, hope, strength, wisdom and humor (good for the ). I know how hard this is to go through. This c an be overwhelming. Don't give up hope.
Recovery is about taking back your life and living the life you so richly deserve, regardless if your husband chooses sobriety or not. It's about living strong. The hardest thing about alcoholism is that people do go back out after many years of sobriety. Some find their way back to recovery, others do not. It's why they call it cunning, baffling and powerful.
The more you know about this disease and how it affects the family, the better equipped you will be to make the decisions that are in the best interest of you & your children. If you look at the top of these posts there's a very kind generous offer from Canadianguy of a free book: Getting Them Sober. It is incredibly helpful. I strongly urge you to find some local face to face meetings in your area. They are a life saver. If there is nothing close by, please come to our online meetings.
Remember you don't have to figure this all out in a week. This takes time, but I promise you you will get better. Please keep coming back to us. Much love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty <--the cat
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
alanon has helped me so much, AND best part I can take what I like and leave the rest... and it's okay with all those around me at alanon for me to do so... I also have a strong Christian background and this effects me in the program... but I pray to my HP and he helps alot with this!!! I get to blend my beliefs and the similar teachings in alanon and pray and trust God and leave what I don't feel good about which is rare. I'm even learning that some of what I thought was Godly was actually religion.
any rate: I would also mention that I have heard that you can have someone removed from your home with help of police/ regardless of who pays the bills etc. when you don't want to leave but want him out.... I am not suggesting this only providing info. you could check the legal system in your state.
Have you been to face to face meetings .... please if you go and it doesn't feel right at first give it a few times... I saw so many similar issues with me and others I knew I was in the right place.
Actually someone who "offended" me with her suggestions or comments at first ended up being someone I really respect! Living with addictions causes perception issues and I had to give it a few weeks.
One group I visited all seemed too "High class" drove nicer cars and had maids and one alonon face to face family group meeting on the other side of town seemed kinda rough with some people who looked different from me- I soon realized we may look different but we all had the same problem and they had answers so I stuck around and was blessed.
Welcome this is a great place to learn some tools. I came here a few years ago living with an active alcoholic/addict desperate, lonely, overwhelmed and absolutely at my limit. This board held me through some very tough times.
I am glad you are reaching out for help. I hope you will give al anon a shot. There is an offer of a great book at the top of this page, Getting them Sober. I can't recommend it highly enough. Look forward to getting to know you.
You have certainly come to the right place and the suggestions you have recieved from the others is spot on. I hope you will find meetings in your area and we have wonderful online meetings here too. Alanon does suggest that unless you are in danger that you make no major decisions for at least the first 6 months of working the program. Hearing that when I walked through the doors of alanon was such a huge relief to me as I had people "telling" me what to do right and left. And my mind was so full of chaos I couldn't make a rational decision if my life depended on it. If you really work the program your answers will come to you. You will make choices in your own time and with a better frame of mind. No one here will give you advice, just share our own experiences and how we dealt with things. No one here will judge you or your decisions. This is a very safe place to heal and to gain the knowledge and experience that will help you with not only what you are going thru but what you have already been through and what is yet to come. Just as recovery is a life long nessesity for alcholics/addicts so it is with us also. We to backslide or slip but remember we are always here to catch you Glad you found us and blessings in recovery
My situation is very much like yours. My husband says the same things to me and tells me I am a prude. he,he. I see it damaging him, me, and us. I am new to alanon. I have been reading literature and I have been to a couple of meetings. I already feel better. I still am not able to make a decision about when, how, if I am going to leave. I know in my heart that things have to be/get different or I probably won't be able to live with him. I am angry, sad, and super sensitive to everything. I am working on these things. I hope you find some hope here like I have. I can't wait to go to my next meeting.
Welcome. This board is FULL of caring, wonderful, encouraging people. I have found there are lots of familiar stories (no matter what your situation) on here. Hang in there.
Hi, ((((Kate)))))! Although I don't have much to add to what has already been said,I read your opening line:
"I am new. I have never needed help. I always thought I was strong. I am a strong Christian.."
........and thought, 'that sounds like ME!'. I have a very good support group in my family and friends, a strong faith in my God, and never thought I needed help, either. But after only a few weeks of coming to this site, reading the advice of others in similar situations, posting my own thoughts, and joining in on the chat room conversations, I am realizing that I DO need help, and that this is a great place to get it. All the wonderful people here seem to know just what I'm going through and just what to say to give me encouragement and hope. I feel that my Higher Power has led me to a place where I can find the answers I need to make my life as wonderful as He wants it to be for me.
I sincerely hope you find the same comfort, strength, and peace of mind that I have found here. Please keep coming back, and keep us posted on how things are going for you.
Denise
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"The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time."
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"The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time."
Here you will find great experience, hope, strength, wisdom and humor (good for the 
). I know how hard this is to go through. This c an be overwhelming. Don't give up hope. 