The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
and if so how? I received an email from my A daughter. The last paragraph was out of the blue and I didn't understand it. It said
"I have a new sense of "I can do this-I can accomplish so much more feeling and that can be dangerously fatal to my sobriety (right now anyway) as I can fail and will, once or twice, I need to be careful of that right now."
I replied and asked about the statement, but no reply from her regarding it. I can't get it out of my mind. Is she setting herself up for failure or setting me up? She is 2 weeks into recovery and attends meetings daily and seems to be on track. Then this statement out of the blue which she won't clarify.
I know I am hanging on every word at this point, I can't help it.
I really have no idea.... and she might not even be capable of explaining it either.... bottom line, is this is HER recovery to work on and pursue.... what are you doing for YOU and YOUR recovery??
One of the best Al-Anon sayings.....
"he (she) is either gonna drink, or he (she) won't...... what are YOU gonna do?"
Time to turn the focus onto you, and your recovery...
Take care Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Yep, Tom is right. I understand your wanting to know what she meant. But does she even know at this point?
You're cruising into her lane. Move out of her way and get back into yours. You are making this all too complicated. Make it simple and take care of you; the only sane thing for you to do.
Take GOOD care, Gail
-- Edited by GailMichelle on Sunday 27th of June 2010 09:56:08 AM
__________________
You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
I think the ball is in her court to discuss it further if she feels like she wants to. You asked what she meant, and she knows you care and will listen if she wants to talk.
In my experience, I can seize on someone's statement or actions and speculate and speculate and speculate about what they meant - to the point that I'm obsessed and can't function in my own life because my mind is somewhere else. I've come to realize that this behavior is not healthy for me. Sometimes I still find myself doing it. Now, I come here and post, or go to a f2f meeting and talk - and when I say it out loud and talk to my recovery family, I see how I'm falling back into the old patterns.
Much as we'd like to, we cannot save our loved ones from relapse. Only they can do that. I love Chapter 8 of the Big Book, and read it often. It is titled "To Wives," and discusses what happens when your spouse gets sober (you could apply most of it to children, it's not specific to spouses). Itsays that we should never arrange someone's life to shield them from temptation, and if someone gets drunk it is not our fault. The person's HP has either removed their liquor problem or has not removed it - and if not, it's better that it be found out right away. Place the problem, along with everything else, in your HP's hands.
Thanks for your comments. I think my immediate reactions are based on something I can not change. This is my daughter and mothers have a natural instinct to "protect". I need to recognize that, I guess , and understand that I need to immediately move beyond that. That is really hard for me to do.
I'm have so much trouble embracing the fact that I need to do "nothing". I'm sure all the pieces will fall into place as I move foward with this but it is still so new and difficult and hard to accept.
Are you getting to any face to face Al-Anon meetings? I imagine they'll really help, especially during this time while your daughter is in the early stages of her recovery.
Yes I am. Unfortunately, this pot has not found her lid with the f2f Al Anon meetings I have been to. I actually find the AAs to be more beneficial, and MIP is a huge help. There is always someone kind and understanding and that is such a help, especially in the beginning.
