The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Ok.. so I have been married to me AH for 13 years. We were high school sweethearts and have been together for 17 years all together. He has always drank. We drank together. Things got different when we had our daughter. I had severe post pardum depression and ended up in the hospital. Before she arrived his work was up and down and it rained for 39 days straight. Before our daughter, his only real addiction was spending money on "project". Then he was able to quit smoking and chewing. Then the PPD came and it was a really hard time. Having a baby makes him passing out on the cough not so funny anymore. I started to really feel alone. I have been the pleaser my whole life. I would put him to bed and walk the halls with the baby. I got help and I got better. I realized that it was not normal to feel how I was feeling. I thought I was a horrible mother and that I was a burden. I tried to end my life and my HP was there the whole time and I choose life. However not before the bullet went through the bathroom wall. So it became obvious what I was trying to do. Which was good. I had to face my problem and realize that I needed help. I got the help that I needed and "worked the program". AH started to drink even more after that and I felt like it was my fault that I put him through so much stress. Then it was like the light went on and I realized that he always drank almost our whole time together. But it was progressive. It is now. He thinks that it is alright that he passes out two times a week, Friday and Saturday and has a few beers every night. He goes to work, he does not hit me, he does cheat on me. He is a wonderful dad when he is awake. But I am scared. I have learned that I cannot "fix" him that I cannot "save" him. For someone who is so use to taking care of his every need this is one I have to remind myself of everyday. "I am only in control of myself and noone else. Well the AH is now using that as a needle. "See it is your control issue you nag me all the time." So I need to get help myself because I am angry, irratible, sad and alone. Even when he is in the bathroom snoring on the floor. I am so alone. I have a three year old girl who wonders why daddy sleeps so much. I want to be strong for her and myself. I want us to be OK if he is drinking or not.
Hello Mercy and welcome , and you will be okay if u continue to take care of you and baby .. You are the only one u have any control over .. Please find Al-Anon meetings for yourself and fast u need support from people who understand ,who will n ot judge or criticize , no one tells u what to do , it is possible to live with alcoholism and be happy .. Perhaps u can find ameeting and a parent or friend can watch the little one , or look for one durring the day where ucan take the little one with you .. There is nothing u can do about him but alot u can do for yourself -- and remember YOU are not the reason he drinks regardless of what he says your simply not that powerfull . I am sorry about your ppd it is nasty stuff and u didnt cause that one either it just happens . You have come along way don't stop now .. Louise
I, too married my high-school sweet-heart and have been married to him for 31 years. He is an alcoholic and I have lived with his drinking my whole life. I, too, am new to this site and really don't have any advice for you other than to KEEP COMING BACK. The support, encouragement, and strength I have found here (in a very short time) has already begun to work miracles in my life. It hasn't changed my AH one bit, but I'm beginning to see that it's really ME who needs to change if I want to be happy. And the wonderful people here are helping me do that.
((((Mercy)))))!! May your HP give you the strength you need today, and bring you some measure of peace.
Denise
"The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time"
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"The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time."
Hi, Mercy - warmest welcome! This is a great site and has enriched my life SO MUCH in the six months that I have been here. The miracles just keep happening for me as my life changes from isolated sickness into recovery.
I had a baby 9 months ago, and I too suffered from severe PPD. I am very glad you got help, it is hard to recognize in the beginning that the things you feel are not just normal hormones. Good for you for caring about yourself enough to seek help - you are worthy and deserving of a happy and peaceful life!
I agree with Betty that breaking the isolation is key. My family of origin was an alcoholic household and I spent my whole life isolating and hiding the things that were really going on. I did not know that isolation was harmful or that we are as sick as our secrets.
Very warm welcome to you and so glad you found us. Just reading your post it is obvious you are a survivor and i applaude you on seeking help for yourself and your baby. Please remember You didn't cause it You can't control it You can't cure it There is absolutly nothing you can do to make him drink ( no matter what his excuses are ) and nothing you can do to stop his drinking. You are not that powerful Alcholics/addicts are great manipulators and great at making us feel we are the cause of thier using when in reality any excuse will do.... if it's raining I will drink, if it's tuesday i will drink, etc you get the point. They will deflect all blame on anyone or anything. Believe what you see and feel in your gut ( so to speak ) not on what he is telling you. Most importantly keep working on yourself for you and your baby. God Bless
Thank you so much for all that replied. WOW! I felt so alone to quickly see that I was not alone at all. That in itself is my first miracle. How amazing what breaking the silence can do. "White Rabbit". I loved the statement that we are only as sick as our secrets. That really touched a place in my heart. All of you are wonderful for taking the time to reply to my late night post in desperation. I thank God that I came and I will keep coming back. I will also find the courage to go to a meeting. I do not have any family here to watch my daughter other than my father in law for is a A as well. But I know that the right meeting at the right time will be there and I will go. Xeno....I really related to the Alcholoics being "great manipulators." I often time will not get into it with my AH because I go in like a lion and leave like a lamb. He has an answer for everything and a reason for every season under the moon. It is like the alcholol starts doing the talking and he is not who I married. But underneath it all he is still there and I still love him so much. I just know that I need to get better for myself and for my daughter who looks to me for everthing. I would give her everything and nearly did. Thank you all for helping me to begin to see that I simply "am not that powerful." Here is to surrendering the control that I feel I have to maintain or everything will fall apart. Mercy
Welcome! I just wanted to add my own welcome to you. I completely understand how you are feeling and I know what you are going through. You did a great thing coming here and you will find plenty of support here. I sure did and still do! Keep sharing with us and we'll keep supporting you. It so helps to get thoughts and feelings out in a safe place and know that you won't be judged. We all tend to judge ourselves harshly. No need just come here and share away. Somebody is always here or at least it seems that way. Just keep coming back.
