The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I can certainly identify with your outsides being cheerful and inside being in terrible pain. That was one of the tools I learned growing up in order to survive in my home. I learned to deny my feelings, pretend I was going fine and ignor my feelings completely. THe problem with not dealing with feelings is that the pain grows and the feelings insist on being recognized.
Alanon Meetings, Sharing with Alanon Members , Learning how to Focus on MYself, Learning to LIve One Day At a Time, Learning to speak my truth and say What I mean and Mean What I Say without sayig it mean all gave me the new tools to express myself in a healthy fashion so that my insides MATCH my outsides.
You can certainly learn how to detach from the world with Serenity and Courage so please keep coming back here and look for face to face meetings in your community Alanon is listed in the white pages of the telephone directory .
Good morning punkydodah, I have had these thoughts too, and have wondered why, I have come to this conclusion, and I figure I'm only being dishonest with myself, I was not put on this earth to please other people at the expence of myself, and if thats happened then I am part to blame, so now I am on a new track if I am doing things that cause me displeasure, I need to take stock and do something different, today I have a new word I need to get to grips with, (SELF SEEKING), I have a feeling some of my own personal anxieties might be caused by this, I'm not good with word's takes me ages to figure out what they mean, but I think self seeking is when I do something trying to kind of manipulate an outcome for me, and I think I feel crappie inside when that doesn't happen, it's kind of when I try and live life on my terms, self will eh? and yesterday I read and understood (thy will be done) WOW, I'm sure other family will be along later to help us understand.
Hi... I tend to think this is all part of the change process - at least it was for me.... The old saying of "fake it till you make it" is often applicable in our respective recoveries, as many of the "tools" that we start utilizing don't feel natural or second nature yet.....
One of the key aspects of our program is to be gentle on yourself, so it's often said to hold up a "gentle mirror" - as in, be accountable, be honest with yourself, but also don't beat yourself up - growth takes time. (self-awareness is a good thing, self-mutilation is not!).
If you're like me - you want to be "all better", and you want it NOW. The reality is that we don't ever really graduate or "achieve serenity", per se.... it is a process, and a life choice.... embracing the journey is part of our collective solution....
Glad you've found us
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
There have been many times I have had to "fake it til i made it" or "act as if" in order to conduct my everyday life. My clients would be appalled to have seen at times how horrid I have felt inside, same with family and friends ... they care. At the same time I don't lie to myself or others about how i am feeling if it is appropriate to discuss at that time. Or an appropriate time for me to have my sorrow, grief, anger etc
I like how Tom phrased "part of the change process" Along with learning what tools I need in my toolbox I have also needed to learn which to use and when and how often. Acting as if every moment would never allow me the time to properly channel my emotions and grow from them. Constantly having a flow of those confusing emotions would make practical matters in life sometimes down right dificult. Faking it til I made it reminded me of how to be happy at a time when I had no idea of how to get there any other way, but I would not want to be faking it everyday for other people. There is a balance in there somewhere that is unique to each of us I guess
