The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I feel like Im running as fast as I can on a treadmill financially and emotionally because of the A one miss step and my house of cards will collapse. This is craziness; 10 years ago I had a great job and a fat bank account. When does it stop? When do I get to rest?
Aloha Simba...you can step off the treadmill anytime you want...just step off or like when I was a newbie...get off the merry-go-round and get quiet...reach out for help and listen to others from your condition with an open mind. I didn't think it was possible but I did it and learned something about faith and not fortune telling. The fear I projected into my future never came to pass even when I was so sure it would.
The first three steps of our twelve steps is summed up with the phrase "Trust God". That for me mean't that I had to give up trying to do it all myself. Trust Jerry F was taken out of the equation until I found recovery. Step off the treadmill no one has got you tied to it.
You mentioned in you last post what a feeling is was to not be alone anymore. You have your program. You have the members of MIP. But most important you have your HP. Even before you found MIP you were not alone, HP was always there. Sometimes when we are in the deep pits this disease throws us in we forget that we have the help we need, all we have to do is ask....and then turn it over to a power much greater than ourselves because HP doesn't make mistakes.
It's as easy as turning it over to HP and then getting out of his way.
ONE day. Wake up, make a list of what you can do today. JUST today. Do what you can. Then STOP. take a breath, close your eyes. breath, drop elbows. Nap, keep working with only work on your mind, play with only playing on your mind. If the hmmmm stinking thinking comes back, STOP, breath, I am done today, I am resting now. Do not give it any attentions.
This is what I learned to do. I learned things always work out. I learned to love and get into every single day. I have little regrets. I have trials but that is life.So I do what I can and leave the rest.
cry if you need to,scream if you need to.They I get up, and go outside and brush a horse,call my adoptive dad, read the Bible, read The Far Side, take a nap with a pig, any pig. think about my very best friend in La. think about ways to make him laugh.....
Soooo my dear, I invite you to get a tablet, put the date on top.write down what you HAVE to do. then what you want to do. and if the want to do'sorta don't get down or ya start them YaY!!
lol I have a half neat sea green bathroom to finish, pretty tongue and groove part way done in the hall, three dogs out of 9 brushed,frontlined and nails clipped. I have Freds back yard ready to have chicken wire put where the little dogs can get out.(Fred is my over 100 pound sulcata tortoise, who is just as smart as a dog!)
We need to love the parts of our life that make it worth it.If we die that day,will we have thought about stupid money which is just numbers?
They can take all the material stuff away but they cannot take your heart and deep soul away. Meaning your life. I look at options. money? wash in cold water, hang up cloths, go to thrift shops to buy my Eddei Bauer stuff, and fancy good shoes.
keep lights off, NO credit cards,NO banks who suck up every day mistake you make and take your money. debit cards are cool,cash is still ok.
Hugs and give hugs, sit back,look and learn, laugh at your self. huggen ya,debilyn
Thank you for your encouragement. Letting go sure is a lot harder than it sounds!I have spent a lifetime trying to be in control. I thought letting go would be easy, boy was I wrong on that one. I will try and focus on the now and myself. I like lists; making a daily list will be a good thing. I think brushing a horse would be a good thing too but I dont think I am ready to sleep with a pig.
It stops when and wherever you want it too. Some days are easier than others but one day at a time it does get better.
We can not change what happened in our past....we can only control today...please take it easy on you. Oh well, the fat bank account is gone, it's only money...and trust me when I tell you I will take serenity over money any day.
Well I can tell you our house of cards did come falling down BIG TIME so I totally relate to how you are feeling. 5 years ago I had an awesome great paying job, my husband had a great job we were living the american dream nice house, new cars, vacations etc. Due to no fault of my A ( my son ) my husband became very sick ( is now disabled ), I was in a car accident and out of work, due to injuries lost my job and was diagnosed with PSTD have not been able to find another job yet and of course the finacial disaster our country was/is going thru. Just to survive we had to sell everything of value that we owned ( except our house ), had to give our cars back ( luckily we had 2 extra very old cars that were paid for) and we were basically left with nothing. Had to go on food stamps just to survive At first it felt like total humilation... having our neighbors watch our possesions being taken out of our home. Losing just about everything we had worked so very hard for. It was just awful. We had to borrow money from family just to keep our home as we almost lost that too 3 times within a 2 year time span. As i was feeling sorry for myself one day it occured to me I shouldn't feel humiliated but humbled. And I should be gratful for what little we had left ( this was before i found alanon). I found it was a growing experience and found I was able to live without all the things I thought were so important. Things are just not that important. What was important was that my husband is able to get medical attention for his disability because i can live without a cruise on the Mexican Riviera but could not imagine life without my husband. My life now is ever so much simpler. I don't worry about "keeping up apperances" like I did before, I don't feel the need to keep up with the Jones'. And I found that we were not the only ones whose house of cards had fallen. Many of my neighbors and friends were going through the same thing and I found alot of support there. If it would help my son I would give up anything and everything but of course we all know that doesn't work. I don't have any experience in having a spouse that is an A so maybe I am in no position to offer any help but I can tell you what i might do if they were draining me financally I would set up a bank account in my own name and move and keep most of the money there in order to pay bills and cover expenses. Emotionally this disease will suck the life out of you...it sure did that to me and thats when I hit my bottom and walked through the doors of alanon. If love cured this disease there would be no A's If hate cured this disease there would be no A's I have gone through the whole spectrum of feelings dealing with my son... I love him and always will unconditionally but I hate the disease. I have to put up boundaries that break my heart but save my sanity. We have to deal with people who don't understand this disease and feel free to give unsolicited advice then get angry when we don't take thier advice. Again the reason I choose now to keep company with those who listen and don't judge, who understand like no one else can. I am so glad you found us and I pray you find peace in recovery Blessings
